Putting up With Annie's Crap

2011-04-16T03:42:00.001-07:00

Phineas And Ferb - Hey Ferb! (I Know What We're Gonna Do Today) Lyrics (HQ)

2011-04-14T03:59:00.000-07:00

one, two , "flee"!!!

2011-04-14T03:52:00.000-07:00

OK, I have one more kid to get in school. After 6, I think I am on the downhill on this school thing.

I wasn't able to get Wheezer in a preschool so we are working on her numbers and letters here at home.

Our school didn't have any openings in their preschool program, and they want a million dollars a week for any preschool in our area.

For some reason Wheezer can count but has a problem with her number three.

Yesterday at the kitchen table, Grandpa was "homeschooling" her.

She also has a bit of a problem saying the word "three".

Just for the record, she can sing the whole opening song to Phinias and Ferb. (So can I).

She starts out "one two, four, five".

Grandpa says to her " One, two, three, four, five".

After about five minutes, she is NOT listening and still can't get it.

"Do you want a crack on the butt?"

"No, grandpa, not really".

"Then pay attention."

Silence.

"One, two, pause."

"Three".

She says "flee"

"one, two, flee, four, five".

"Now, that's better"

I whisper in her ear. "tomarrow, you better say the numbers correctly or you will have to "flee" from the wrath of Grandpa.

She sits at the table all night.

"flee, flee, flee"

One, two, flee,four, five.

Whew.

I hum the Phineas and Ferb tune under my breath.

"Hey Ferb, whatta you gonna do today?"

"flee, flee, flee"

Talk later,

Annie

YOP

2011-04-13T03:55:00.001-07:00

YOP

OK, so this friend of mine gets a new job. I have no idea what he does, I am just glad he got a job.

He comes over for coffee the other day.

He tells me about some forms he had to fill out at work.

"The boss told me to fill out my YOP forms".

I poured him a cup of coffee, trying to look like I knew what in the heck he was talking about.

"Did you get the forms in on time?"

"Oh yeah, Annie, they were easy to fill out, you could even do them".

"Oh", I answered.

I cut some cake and still tried to look like I knew what in the heck he was talking about.

Maybe there are new forms I don't know about out there in the work place.

Maybe I am just really stupid.

He waits for a while.

"Aren't you gonna ask me what YOP stands for"?

"Sure", I answer.

"Your Own Opinion".

"Oh sure, I knew that", I answer while lighting up a cigarette and still trying not to look like an idiot.

"Oh, Annie, you would love it, they have these forms and you have to fill them out once a month and give your own opinion on what goes on at work".

I sit there for a minute.

"Do they have forms like that for house hold use?"

He looks at me funny.

"I think I should fill those out here, you know, what goes on here, or better yet, what DOESN'T go on here. You know, give my own opinion on why the toilet seat still isn't fixed and why my car still sits in the driveway waiting for a new fuel pump".

"I better go out and see what Grampa is doing out in the sugar shanty", was his reply.

Wimp.

Talk later,

Annie

Posted by anne smith at 3:53 AM

Boiling sap

2011-03-16T04:21:00.000-07:00

OK, so you put the kids to bed and you are sitting in the dark watching Blue Collar Comedy because obviously you have no life.

It's about 10:30 at night which is really late for you to be up.

Someone pulls in the yard and you ignore it. Probably some lost drunk.

The phone rings and it's your sister in law.

"I'm in the shanty, Grampy's boiling sap, get your but down here!'

"nah", you reply and hang up.

You sit there, Larry the Cable Guy says goodnight.

The phone rings again, "For God's sake, get your but down here, we have home made cider'.

"Nah" you answer.

You sit there in your bathrobe.

It's raining out.

The late news comes on.

You can't stand it any longer.

You get your rubber barn boots on and throw on a coat over your bathrobe.

The shanty smells so good, like maple.

"We knew you would come down".

"yeah," you reply.

They hand you a bottle of home made hard cider.

They hand you a cigarette, you light it with the fire from the sap boiler.

Grampy entertains everyone with his stories. He uses the word Jesus about 20 times and the term "it's over", another 30.

It is good to be home with my redneck family.

Talk later,

Annie

Drug and Alcohol Rehab

2011-03-15T04:04:00.000-07:00

OK, so your kids get off the bus and you chug down a cup of coffee so you have enough energy to listen to their stories of the day.

"Mom, we learned about drugs today".

"That's nice", you reply, "don't ever do drugs".

"Oh Mom, why do you do drugs?"

You stand there for a minute trying to think what in the heck your kids are trying to get at. The only drugs you can remember doing in the past 15 years are aspirin and cold medicine.

"Oh Mom, caffeine is a drug, so that coffee is bad for you."

"Oh really?" you reply filling up the coffee filter for the fourth time today.

"And cigarettes are drugs".

"Oh really", you reply looking at the pack of Senecas sitting on top of the coffee filters.

"Oh yeah Mom, and you are not supposed to drink beer".

"I drink wine", you answer.

"Same thing Mom".

The kids run to watch TV.

You look for the telephone book so you can call Drug and Alcohol Rehab.

You can't find the phonebook.

You light up a cigarette, pour yourself another cup of coffee and try to gather up the wine bottles because garbage day is tomarrow.

Maybe I will call tomarrow.

Maybe I won't.

Talk later,

Annie

How to go from Super Slob to Clean Freak

2011-03-05T04:36:00.000-08:00

The flu

2011-02-25T23:01:00.000-08:00

OK, so you get the flu and all you want to do is lay in bed.

Your kids instantly turn handicapped.

All you want to do is lay there covered in a warm blanket.

No one can find the cupboards.

No one can find the toilet paper stash.

No one can figure out how to put in a DVD.

You call Karen to grab a loaf of bread on her way home from work.

She is sicker than you are.

Your significant other gets home from work.

For some crazy reason he can't remember where anything is either.

You lay there hoping to God you don't pass on before they do.

Or maybe not?

Talk later,

Annie

The Civil War trail

2011-02-25T04:11:00.000-08:00

OK, so you are in Virginia and you need to find something "touristy" to do with the kids. It is 70 degrees out. You have just come from New York where is was 10 degrees when you left the house.

"Let's do one of those Civil War trails", I pipe up.

"OK, Civil War trail it is", replies my step son.

The next day we all head out for the trail. We have winter boots on and long sleeve shirts, it is 70 degrees out. I forgot my hair gel when I packed so I look like Ursula the sea witch.

We get to the trail and it show pictures of dead people on the map and cannons. The kids think that is what will be on the trail. You know better, but lie to the kids anyway. No one sees the sign that says "This trail will take 60 minutes to walk".

Now whoever wrote that sign was an Olympic athlete with no kids.

We head out on the trail. At first it's fun. It gets hotter and hotter and there are no cannons and dead bodies laying in the woods like the picture showed.

"This sucks", you hear from one of the kids.

"Oh hang in there, I am sure there is a cannon right around the corner".

You try not to act like you are melting, you catch one of the kids dragging your camera in the dirt because they can't carry it anymore.

The trail ends and there is not a drinking fountain anywhere in sight. Hell with water, you need a bottle of wine.

You try to still act like it was a blast and the kids can go and tell their teachers that they actually walked on a Civil War trail.

They couldn't give a rat's ass.

You climb in the fron of the van and your step son pulls out of the parking lot.

You both whisper under your breathe at the same time "Next time, Ixnay on the Civil War trail".

You try not to laugh.

Talk later,

Annie

Annie on Vacation

2011-02-24T08:54:00.000-08:00

OK, so your significant other tells you he has 3 days off and wants to go on a vacation.

You haven't been on a vacation since Nixon was in office.

Your mind runs wild with ideas.

You picture yourself renting a convertible, buying a set of sunglasses and a fancy scarf and driving to the Grand Canyon like Thelma and Louise.

You picture yourself drinking wine from fancy glasses and smoking those fancy cigarettes with white gloves.

You look up from your dream and you can hear Tim saying "We have to take the kids".

Your mind goes from Thelma to Chevy Chase immediately.

Now the reality sets in. You have to take the kids.

"Sounds like fun", you mumble under your breath.

OK, here are the things I learned on the trip.

1. Don't take kids.

2. Renting minivans is very expensive.

3. Virginia is a long ways from New York.

4. When you return a rental car you have to have it clean, chocolate is very hard to get out of white seats.

5. You need the same amount of days off to re-cooperate from a vaction, three days vacation, three days laying in bed.

6. No one unpacks or cares less about their crap in their suitcases once you return home.

7. When renting a GPS system, get one with loud volume as you will not be able to hear the man talking over your kids screaming in the back.

8. It takes more than 30 seconds to show a 45 year old woman how to turn on the radio, run the heater, and open up the back hatch on a new car.

Talk later,

Annie

I Classici: "Thelma & Louise"

2011-02-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

Vacation - Trailer

2011-02-24T08:37:00.000-08:00

you tube crap

2011-02-23T13:29:00.000-08:00

OK, I admit it I am addicted to YouTube. When I want to learn something or find something out, I look on YouTube. This week I want to get my haircut, I spent half the day watching videos of people and their hair. People really must have alot of time on their hands.

I finally found the cut I wanted and watched this girl about five times talk about herself.

I gotta go, just got another email, someone just loaded up a new video. I can't get behind. Gotta stay in the loop you know.

Talk later,

Annie

naturally curly short hair tutorial

2011-02-23T04:17:00.000-08:00

pictures in the paper

2011-02-15T09:42:00.000-08:00

OK, so you are reading the paper and you see an article about a funeral.

You look close and you see a picture of an old friend of yours.

He is not the one in the casket thank God, so you give him a jingle.

You call him and catch up on crap.

Great to talk to old friends.

Life is Good,

Talk later,

Annie

What a rotten day (sort of)

2011-02-14T04:02:00.000-08:00

OK, so you are all ready to go to church. You have made pens with flowers on them for Valentines day for the ladies at church, you have your bibles in your bookbag, kids dressed and makeup on.

For once you are ready and on time.

All of the sudden this person pulls in the driveway that you think is your friend and starts saying the weirdest things to you.

You try not to let the kids see you are getting upset.

You are getting blamed for doing things you have not done and getting accused of some really weird crap.

You pull away, choking the tears back.

You get to church and sit in the very back. You try not to let the whole congregation see that you are crying.

You make it through church, you even stay for cake and coffee.

In the middle of mass there is a fire call and one of the guys sitting in the next row over runs out of church to go on it.

You think nothing of it.

You get home and find out that the neighbor has died in his driveway.

You are now trying to choke back a double set of tears.

You walk into the kitchen and there sits a box of chocolates and Tulips with a note "Happy Valentines Day Mama".

Now you are crying tears of joy.

You make it through the day, the kids eat all your chocolate and the cat wants to make your new flower his new kitty litter box.

Your sister in law comes to pick up your niece.

"Where is Mr Piggie?"

Crap.

I was supposed to watch her daughter and make sure that this stuffed piggie didn't disappear.

Of course it did.

You take the next 30 minutes looking for the pig. He is finally found in the laundry hamper wrapped in a wet towel.

Everyone leaves.

You light up a cigarette and stare into the darkness.

It will be better tomarrow.

You take one last look at your tulip plant.

Thank you Karen, I love you so much you will never know.

Talk later,

Annie (AKA, Mama)

Annie on car repair shops

2011-02-13T12:40:00.000-08:00

OK, so I found two used tires for my van. No one wants to put used tires on a van because they all want to sell you new ones.

I don't need new ones, just different ones.

I call this shop down the road and the guy says "Oh, no problem, be here at 8:30 and we will throw them on".

The next day I run down there.

Now I know why I got right in.

The guy has no business because he is so weird.

You walk in and no one acknowledges the fact that you are there.

You ring this greasy bell and no one comes out of the black abyss they call a "shop".

You sit for 30 minutes and finally holler in the "shop" "Does anyone know we are here?"

No answer.

You go back to the waiting room where there is absolutely NO heat.

You look for a TV.

None.

You look for a magazine to read.

You find Guideposts and Time.

You read all the Guideposts and try to stomach the Time.

You holler out once more "Does anyone know we are here?"

This guy wanders out.

"It will only take a minute to do your tires."

It is now 9:30 and your daughter is crawling out of her skin.

She wants to go pee.

You look at the bathroom.

It looks like a place my Mom would NEVER let you pee in.

He drives your car into the shop.

You read more Guideposts.

You put a whole roll of toilet paper on the toilet seat so your kid can pee.

You try not to looked pissed off, but it's getting harder and harder.

There are no other customers in the shop but you.

You read more Guideposts and steal a couple to show your sister that you actually read 30 issues of Guideposts.

Finally at 11:30 the van rolls out of the shop.

You pay the man.

A while later you are driving through town you see this thing that looks like your hubcap rolling down Main Street.

You see this guy walking down the road laughing at you.

The hubcap rolls about a million miles down the road and you are trying to drive slowly and follow it so you can pull over and grab it before the next Walmart semi comes through town and squashes it.

You grab the greasy thing and toss it in the back of the van.

I actually paid someone to put that thing back on my car, I actually had my kid pee on the toilet from hell and I can't move my fingers from reading Guideposts in an office with no heat for 2 and a half hours.

"It's OK", you say to yourself.

"I am beginning to doubt that", yourself replies back.

Talk later,

Annie

Annie on quitting smoking

2011-02-11T08:32:00.000-08:00

OK, so to prove a point, I quit smoking for 4 weeks. I don't get the whole "addiction" thing, so in order to prove my point I quit cold turkey.

I have also proved that in a mere 4 weeks it IS possible to gain 10 pounds.

Talk later,

Annie

Just think positive

2011-02-11T04:26:00.000-08:00

OK, so I get a flat tire in the driveway, I am so excited because it was in the driveway and not on the road.

I go to the Dentist and he tells me I only have to have a few teeth pulled and he can make a partial instead of the whole Dentures.

Some folks would think I am nuts, but this has been a great week.

I am gettin' new teeth and a new tire all in the same week.

Life is good.

Talk later,

Annie

Willie and my Dad

2011-02-06T03:19:00.000-08:00

OK, so my Dad was talking about Willie Nelson getting busted for having pot on his tour bus and my Dad thought they should just leave him alone.

"He's not hurting anyone".

So I asked "If I got busted for pot, would that be OK?"

"Is your name Willie Nelson?" was the answer I got.

I walked away in silence.

Talk later,

Annie

Cat Litter and Red Lipstick

2011-02-04T04:07:00.000-08:00

OK, so your daughter gets stuck in the driveway because the man in your life doesn't feel as though plowing the driveway is very important.

We don't live n Florida.

New York is not Florida.

"I am stuck in your damn driveway!", was the last thing I heard after the slamming of the door.

"Get the cat litter and a small rug", I replied, trying not to get too excited.

"We don't have time to change the cat litter box mom, I have to get out of the driveway".

I went to the barn, got a snowshovel, Karen grabbed the cat litter and a rug".

After about a half an hour of hollering, and putting cat litter and the throw rug under the tires we got her out.

You can either put the throw rug under the tires for traction, or use it to wrap up the person who was supposed to plow the driveway, either way, it's your call.

My Aunt taught me the cat litter trick when I was a kid, in those days the cars were not front wheel drive and she always had a huge bag of it with her. She always carried red lipstick and cat litter.

I guess the lipstick was plan B if you couldn't get yourself out, you went to the nearest house to ask for help and you made sure you had your lipstick on.

I guess it was my turn to show Karen the kitty litter gig.

I think I will sit down today and write my Aunt a little thank you note.

Talk later,

Annie

What the hell is a "muffin top" anyway?

2011-02-03T04:11:00.000-08:00

OK, I will admit it, I have no idea what the heck is going on with clothes these days. I am still stuck in the 80's, which is OK because I think the clothes are coming back in style.

The other day, I was discussing "jeans" with Karen and she tried to educate me, the poor kid.

"Why in the hell do all my sweaters look so short?"
was my first question.

She lit up a cigarette and looked at me with that "do I hurt my mom's feelings" look.

"OK Mom, the sweaters you are wearing are from the 80's and they are really short, you are wearing them with jeans I gave you which are from the 2 thousands. The jeans you wore used to go up to your boobs and so the sweaters were short. Now the jeans are low like they should be and so the sweaters are longer."

I sat there in silence.

"Oh", was my answer.

"And now Mom, everything is stretchy so your muffin top doesn't have to hang over your pants".

"Oh", was my answer.

"Just what in the hell is a muffin top?", I asked trying not to look like I was from another planet.

"For God's sake Mom, it's the fat that hangs over your pants when you wear them too tight".

"Like a cupcake?", was my reply.

"Whatever you want to use for the visual, Mom."

I spent the rest of the morning looking for a measuring tape so I can measure the length of my sweaters and width of my "muffin/cupcake top".

Talk later,

Annie

Another helpless vacuum cleaner falls victim to pine needles

2011-01-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

My daughter calls me up the other day and tells me that she took down her Christmas tree.

It was a live tree. You know one of those wonderful precut live trees that we all think we need to have.

Baby Jesus didn't have one, I don't know why we have to have one.

Come to find out, she blew the motor on her new vacuum cleaner vacuuming up the pine needles off her carpet.

Had to buy a new vacuum.

The next day my sister in law calls screaming about the same thing.

I finally got the nerve to take mine down and it took an hour out of my busy schedule to get the needles out of the rug and then out of my socks.

The whole thing gave me a major flashback.

The year was 1970, I was 5 years old. I think this is my first memory of Christmas. I have no idea what in the hell I got for gifts, but I remember my Dad dragging the tree out the door. I remember the sound of the vacuum cleaner and then alot of hollering. I remember my Dad making a "pine needle vacuum getter outter" from a wire coat hanger. I remember my mom cramming it in the hose of the vacuum about a hundred times until all the needles were off the floor.

I also remember my Dad waking up from his nap and stepping on the one last remaining pine needle and running it in his big toe.

When I moved out on my own, I got a real tree, a vacuum cleaner and bought some wire coat hangers.

Maybe these were the real gifts that the wise men offered baby Jesus?

Talk later,

Annie

Anne's Chicken Cacciatore-Food Network

2011-01-08T04:04:00.000-08:00

Pat's Famous Hot Wings-Food Network

2011-01-08T04:02:00.000-08:00

My New Career

2011-01-08T03:59:00.000-08:00

OK, I still have no job.

It's not that I don't have enough to do here, but I don't have an "official" job. You know, the kind where you go and get paid for doing something.

I think I have picked out my new career.

I have been watching the Food Network everyday now for about 10 hours a day for the last 6 months.

I have no life outside of the Food Network.

I think I could have my own show on there.

For God's sake, what are the prerequisites anyway?

1. You have to know how to cook.

2. You have to be fat.

3. You have to like to talk.

OK, got it covered.

All they do is show you how to cook and say "Y'all and "feel the love".

My favorites are the Neeleys, this blonde haired girl who is also named Anne something, The barefoot Contessa, and Paula Deen.

All of these folks are no size 8 I tell ya.

This Anne girl has the most awesome punk rock haircut and her arms are bigger than mine.

No one has arms bigger than mine.

The Neeleys run around cooking food for black people while kissing each other and saying "y'all" 100 times on each episode.

Paula Deen is just Paula Deen. She loves to boss her kids around in the kitchen.

Easy enough.

So, I have been practicing in the kitchen.

Of course no one listens to me, but it's fun anyway.

I have Wheezer saying "Feel the Love".

It's a start.

Talk later,

Annie

Where the heck have you been?

2011-01-08T03:50:00.000-08:00

OK, I had three people ask me this week where the heck have I been and am I still gonna do "the blog".

I thought I was spending too much time on my computer typing out stories that no one gave a crap about.

Then my internet was shut off. I found out that if you don't pay your cable bill,this little troll in Buffalo somewhere pulls out the plug that goes to your house. You have no telephone either. Makes for a very quiet day.

Thank God we still had something called "basic cable" where you can still watch Hannah Montana 24 hours a day and catch all the episodes of "Snapped".

Whew.

I thought if I didn't waste all my time blogging about meaningless crap, I would spend all that extra time cleaning my house.

I was so wrong.

Maybe I would quit smoking.

Wrong again.

How about spending tons of quality time with my kids?

Major wrong.

I still smoke, my house is still a wreck, and I spend no time whatsoever with my kids because I cannot pull them away from Hannah Montana for more than 5 minutes (which is how long it takes them to inhale their supper).

So, to make a long story short, I will start blogging again, and writing about the crap that goes on in my life.

Talk later,

Annie

2010-12-15T08:37:00.001-08:00

i got to light the candle

2010-12-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

OK, so I got picked to light the rose candle in church last week for the advent wreath, and read a passage about it. I was so excited.

One problem.

I couldn't read the words on the paper.

This can be very stressful.

Another concern I had was lighting it. I thought for sure I would light my hair on fire.

I did OK.

Whew.

I could just imagine myself freaking out when the hairspray in my hair combusted with the fire.

Things went very smooth.

I felt like a little kid that gets picked to be in the school play.

The church did not burn down and I squinted through the reading.

Merry Christmas!!

Talk later,

Annie

PS my pantyhose didn't even fall down.

2010-12-15T08:28:00.003-08:00

ADVENT WREATH

"Customarily the Advent Wreath is constructed of a circle of evergreen branches into which are inserted four candles. According to tradition, three of the candles are violet and the fourth is rose. However, four violet or white candles may also be used” (Book of Blessings 1510).

The rose candle is lit the third Sunday of Advent, for this color anticipates and symbolizes the Christmas joy announced in the first word of the Entrance Antiphon: "Rejoice" (Latin, Gaudete). For this reason the Third Sunday is also called Gaudete Sunday, and rose color vestments are permitted.

The Advent Wreath represents the long time when people lived in spiritual darkness, waiting for the coming of the Messiah, the Light of the world. Each year in Advent people wait once again in darkness for the coming of the Lord, His historical coming in the mystery of Bethlehem, His final coming at the end of time, and His special coming in every moment of grace.

During Advent, family and friends can gather around the Advent Wreath lighting the appropriate candle(s), read from the daily Advent meditation and sing songs. The Church's official Book of Blessings also provides a blessing ceremony for the advent wreath which can be used in the absence of

a priest

Linus explains the true meaning of Christmas

2010-12-15T08:25:00.000-08:00

Christmas Dining Room Tour

2010-11-27T04:57:00.000-08:00

Jolene

2010-11-23T12:31:00.003-08:00

OK, so I used to live in a trailer park, and believe it or not i loved it.

Jolene the trailer park queen is like my stunt double I swear.

This clip is too funny.

Talk later,

Annie

Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake : Oktoberfest Trailer Park Cooking Show

2010-11-23T12:30:00.000-08:00

Annie at the drive thru

2010-11-23T12:15:00.000-08:00

OK, on the way home from the dentist today I decided to stop at McDonald's. We never stop there.

Never.

I thought it would be something special for the kids.

I knew if I ordered stuff off the dollar menu we could afford it.

I pulled up the the drive thru, picked out what we wanted and proceeded to order.

No one answered.

I said it again.

Nothing.

Loretta started to say something and I told her to be quiet, I was trying to order our food.

She just looked at me.

Still no response from the gal taking the order.

"Mom, you are talking to the garbage can".

"Be quiet, I am trying to order your burger".

No response.

"Mom, listen to me, that thing is the garbage can, not the intercom."

I gave her that "what in the hell are you talking about" look.

"Mom, I am telling you, it says "pull up and order", that thing is the garbage can.

I sat there for another second.

Darn, she was right.

Who in the hell would put the garbage can there?

I pulled up and ordered.

The girl at the register just laughed.

"Happens all the time Mam, don't worry".

Next dentist appointment I will pack a lunch for everyone.

Talk later,

Annie

Loni Love Performs Stand Up

2010-11-20T17:10:00.000-08:00

getting back to work

2010-11-19T11:08:00.000-08:00

OK, so I am thinking of going back to work.

How does one pay 5 dollars an hour for daycare?

No wonder no one works any more.

Holy crap.

That's all I have to say for now.

Holy crap.

I just want to remind everyone I have four kids still at home.

Do the math.

Holy crap times four.

Talk later,

Annie

i am learning new crap

2010-11-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

OK, so I am trying to learn how to do new things on the computer. It seems to take me forever but I can usually figure it out.

I am so darn proud of this collage I just had to post this picture.

I made it using PIKNIK .

So proud of my self

Talk later,

Annie

How to refill your Swiffer Wetjet and save money cleaning your floors!

2010-11-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

i am a follower not a leader

2010-11-09T10:02:00.000-08:00

OK, so I thought I was a leader.

I am pretty good at leading things.

Except organizing and cleaning.

So, I am following The Clutterbug.

Everyday she is posting crap to do as far as organizing your house and cleaning it.

I am following.

She shows cool crafts.

I try like hell to do them.

I hope she doesn't ask us all to rob a bank and send her the money because I will probably do it if it's on one of her printout sheets.

Talk later,

Annie

My new watch or: I need a brand new car

2010-11-08T03:05:00.000-08:00

OK, so we had a birthday party for my sister in law and Karen showed up.

"Mom, I bought you a new watch".

I almost fell off my chair.

"How did you know I needed a new watch?"

"I read the blog yesterday".

She bought me the exact same watch I had that died.

I was so happy, now I can tell the time again.

So, I got thinking.

If I blog about needing a new car, maybe she will buy me one?

How about a new house?

Oh yeah, a dishwasher?

Riding lawnmower?

I guess I will cut my losses and just be happy with my new watch.

I love that kid.

Talk later,

Annie

Camping

2010-11-06T04:01:00.000-07:00

OK, so Oprah goes camping. It's funny as hell really.

I used to enjoy camping until one day I realized this:

I was the one who had to pack all the camping crap.

I was the one who had to unpack all the camping crap.

I was the one who had to repack all the camping crap.

Oh yeah, and put it away at home.

I also was the one who had to cook, put up the tent, make the fire, entertain the kids While making sure they went to the bathroom before peeing in their pants.

All while my significant other sat in a chair drinking beer.

I don't camp anymore.

But, I liked watching Oprah doing it.

Talk later,

Annie

Oprah camping this is so funny

2010-11-06T03:57:00.001-07:00

My broken watch

2010-11-06T03:10:00.000-07:00

OK, a few months ago I bought the greatest watch in the world.

I swear I am legally blind so I need one with a big face.

I found one. It's just about as big as a clock you hang on the wall.

I love it.

You can actually see the time. It winds up just like my Grandfather's watch did.

It broke.

The face fell off.

Crap.

I ran to the Dollar Store and grabbed one of those plastic digital ones that I hate.

It looks like something you would get out of a box of Captain Crunch.

I am so blind there is no way in the world I will ever be able to see the time.

No way.

I can never figure out how to set these kind of watches. I hate them with a passion.

I tried the pointed end of a knife, a baby pin and a paper clip. Then my sister-in-law showed up out of nowhere and set it with a pen like everyone else does.

Now I have an excuse to be late.

I have no idea what time it is because I can't see my watch.

Maybe tomarrow I will go back to The Dollar Store and buy a pair of reading glasses for a dollar and one of those cool things to hang around my neck that holds your glasses on for another dollar so I can read my watch. My fourth grade teacher wore one of those. Maybe I will look like a teacher if I get one.

Maybe not.

Maybe I should have just bought another watch like the first one I actually liked.

Talk later,

Annie

Nasty Annie

2010-11-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

When you are home all day I guess people think you have nothing else to do but drink coffee.

I have these weirdest people stop at my house and expect me to visit with them for hours.

I actually had to be nasty with some of them yesterday and told them I can't visit any more , I actually do have things to do.

Although if you saw my laundry pile you would certainly think I am lying like a rug.

They kind of god mad.

I don't care.

I am being Nasty Annie this week I guess.

I also had a girl who was supposed to make bookbags for my kids. Now School started a while ago. These bags are not done. I could have made the damn things myself.

I emailed her and she hasn't even started them. She says she is afraid to cut into the fabric.

You have got to be kidding me. I sent another friend over to pick up the damn fabric.

After a nasty email from nasty Annie she says she will take the fabric over to the other girl who can throw the damn crap in the trash for all I care. Usually if you don't plan on doing a project for someone you could at least let them know, not just let them think you are doing it.

God, I am so nasty this week.

I was raised to "not step on toes".

"Don't make waves"

How dumb is that thinking anyway?

Talk later,

Nasty Annie

Stephen Organizing - Crazy versus Cool - Freedom Filer

2010-11-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

Stephen Organizing - Purse organizing challenge

2010-11-04T12:47:00.000-07:00

Stephen Organizing - Crazy vs Cool - Bathtub Filing

2010-11-04T12:44:00.000-07:00

Prostitute Laundry

2010-11-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

CLOTHES ARE OUT!

2010-11-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

Susie's art work or Mom crap

2010-11-04T04:00:00.000-07:00

OK, so I pick up the kids from school and Susie has this awesome picture to show me. It is a rendition of the Peace Bridge.

It is really neat looking.

Nice colors.

I hold it up while I am trying to drive.

"This is a great picture", I tell her trying not to get in an accident.

Silence.

"Nice colors".

Silence.

I can see tears welling up in her eyes.

"Now, what in the hell did I say?"

"Mom, it's upside down!"

"Oh".

I put the picture down trying not to hit the neighbor's mailbox.

"I knew that, I was just testing you".

"Mom, you are so full of crap".

I guess she is too old to believe my "Mom crap".

Talk later,

Annie

my kids toys

2010-11-03T03:55:00.000-07:00

My kids have so many toys it's stupid.

They play with none of them.

Except the Barbies.

Yesterday I caught them with my aluminum foil making dresses out of the foil.

I thought it was great.

I gave them some yarn and they wrapped the dolls and made dresses out of the yarn.

They even got out their Bratz dolls and made aluminum foil shoes to cover the missing feet that got vacuumed up in the vacuum cleaner.

I am heading down to Dollar Tree to buy out the rest of their aluminum foil.

Talk later,

Annie

colder than hell

2010-11-02T04:29:00.000-07:00

OK, so you wake up and the furnace is on the fritz.

It's colder than hell.

I am told "Hotter than hell" is used for hot weather.

"Colder than a witches titty", is the proper term to use when it's cold.

Where do they come up with this crap?

Talk later,

Colder than hell,

Annie

karen's costume

2010-10-31T18:31:00.000-07:00

OK, so Karen asks me to make her a leopard costume. We whipped it up in about a half an hour. She looked great. It is about the only thing that turned out this year.

Thank God for Karen

2010-10-31T18:19:00.001-07:00

My Halloween

2010-10-31T18:14:00.000-07:00

OK, I feel like Charlie Brown. This has been a real "I got a rock" Halloween.

I plan a hayride and the day of the hayride the tractor won't start.

My kids tell me my witch costume looks dumb and the green makeup I put on my face looks like frosting.

The sheet I bought to make a ghost with is still sitting on the couch with the 25 cent tag on it along with the mens suit I bought to stuff a dumby.

My popcorn balls are full of kernals and no one will eat them.

I tried to make my beer look like a bloody drink and the kids catch me putting red food coloring in my glass.

I drink way too much and fall asleep with my sparkly witch dress on and wake up in the middle of the night with a green pillowcase and and itchy body from the dress I should have taken off before I passed out.

The kids take apart the huge book I painted black and made into a spell book and realize it is an old almanac with maps in it.

The goats get into the jackolanterns and eat all the faces out of them.

I am going to bed now, I will try harder next year.

Talk later,

Annie, aka: Charlie Brown Annie

Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown - I Got A Rock

2010-10-31T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hocus Pocus - Amuck!

2010-10-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

Halloween

2010-10-29T13:24:00.000-07:00

OK, so I thought I had all the costumes ready for school.

Last night at 9 Loretta tells me she needs fairy wings, I bought her "bumble bee" wings and I am the dumbest mom alive.

I tried not to agree with her.

This morning at 6:30 my sister-in-law calls just to chat. I rudely interupt her "do you have any damn fairy wings?"

"yeah"

"I will be right over".

Lifesaver.

Last week I asked the kids what they thought I should be for Halloween.

"The witch lady from Hocus Pocus, Mom, your hair looks just like hers".

The damn kids were right. I tried not to get mad, I pulled up "Hocus Pocus" on the You tube and, yeah, they were right. I could have easily been a stand in for Bette Midler in that movie.

I asked them if they meant the skinny witch lady, Sarah Jessica Parker and they assured me "No, Mom, the other chubby witch lady, the one that has hair like yours."

Crap.

I grabbed a black dress and some fishnet stockings at the thrift store, a black slip and an old wool coat with a fur collar.

Little bit of hair spray and I will look just like Annie trying to look like Bette Midler.

Have a great Halloween

Talk later,

Annie

Hocus Pocus - I Put A Spell On You

2010-10-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

2010-10-29T10:20:00.001-07:00

Plymouth Voyager VS Dodge Caravan

2010-10-29T04:20:00.000-07:00

I am the coolest Mom on the block

2010-10-29T04:04:00.000-07:00

OK, I needed to get another vehicle for Tim to drive. I asked my mechanic what to buy. He told me to get the same van that I had now. "ugly as hell but they run forever", was the quote.

The next day on the way home from church I literally found the exact same van I have now, just a different color. Seems a 95 year old guy passed away. I bought the beauty for 500 bucks.

Last night I was getting ready to go to a 4-H meeting and the kids came flying in.

"Mom, that's your van on TV".

There is this car commercial on.

The kid is washing his Dad's van and telling him that they are the biggest nerds on the block or something to that effect.

They go out and buy some really cool black car.

The "Nerd" van they are referring to is the exact van I have.

I am now a double nerd.

Talk later,

Annie

home made halloween make up

2010-10-28T14:27:00.001-07:00

OK, I stole this recipe from a friend years ago.

It is so easy and works great.

Take a couple tablespoons of cornstarch and mix it with a couple tablespoons of crisco. Put in a few drops of food coloring.

It works great. Really doesn't stain and is non toxic.

It's stuff you probably have in your cupboard anyway.

If you want a nice black, you can get black food coloring in the baking sections now of the bigger stores. It usually comes by itself, not with the other colors.

Talk later,

Annie

Small Space Solutioins

2010-10-28T03:37:00.000-07:00

Do It Yourself: Organize your Room

2010-10-28T03:26:00.000-07:00

Vintage Halloween decor

2010-10-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

How to clean the wood stove

2010-10-26T04:57:00.000-07:00

OK, so it's been pretty cold here the past few days so we started a fire in the kitchen wood stove.

Yesterday I was told the ashes needed to be cleaned out.

I looked for the black shovel thing that we use to clean it out with.

I found nothing.

I bet it's buried in the sandbox.

I took a minute to think what else would work.

I grabbed a spatula out of the kitchen drawer.

Worked perfectly.

Got the job done.

Now I have to think of what I am going to use to get the cookies off the baking sheet today.

Talk later,

Annie

Bible school

2010-10-25T03:27:00.000-07:00

OK, so I signed the kids up for Bible School at our public school. I thought it would be a good idea at the time.

I didn't realize that unlike the old days when we had these things called after school buses, I have to actually pick them up from school.

It's not a big deal, I just have to remember to do it.

Last Thursday I wrote it down and remembered all day.

Until Loretta got off the bus and the other kids didn't.

Crap, it's Thursday, no big deal I will just throw Loretta in the van and she can run into school and get the other kids.

I was feeding pigs and really smelled like pig crap. I didn't think it was appropriate to go to school smelling like a pig poop.

No time to change. It won't be a big deal.

Oh yeah right.

I get there and Loretta goes into school.

She comes back out.

"Pastor says you are probably talking on your cell phone and you have to come in and sign the girls out".

"Loretta tell Pastor I don't even have a cell phone".

She runs back in and right back out .

Alone.

"Mom, he says you have to get off your phone and come in".

I sit there for a minute. I guess if they want to smell pig poop then so be it.

Enter my friend Jeanne.

Jeanne also sends her kids to this Bible school.

Thank God.

I could see her through the window.

I motioned to her to come out.

"Jeanne can you please tell the Pastor that I smell like pig crap and that you have to sign the kids out".

"Oh for goodness sake Anne, of course I can."

She goes in and I see her laughing with Pastor. She brings the kids out.

"I owe you one".

"No problem Anne, anytime."

Thank Goodness for friend like Jeanne.

Thank Goodness she didn't smell like pig poop.

Thank Goodness I didn't have to actually go into the school.

Talk later,

Annie

When your thigh highs aren't "thigh high"

2010-10-25T02:40:00.000-07:00

OK, so we go to church on Sundays now that we are living back home. The kids love it. We have a great church.

It's the only day I actually get to dress up. I havent worn pantyhose in a million years. One of my friends tells me to buy "thigh highs". She says they are the greatest thing. She says you don't need all that extra bulkiness that pantyhose has.

So I buy a pair.

I put my skirt on and put these weird things on. They have a thing on them that looks like a big rubber band that holds them onto your thigh.

They seem too tight to me. They make my legs look like a sausage stuffed into a casing.

I roll down the thigh high where I don't feel it will cut off the circulation in my legs and I go to church.

Everything is good.

We sing alot in our church.

On the last song I stand up and my thigh highs don't.

They fall down to my ankles.

I guess I rolled down the rubber band thing that clings to your leg.

I look around to see if anyone has noticed.

Karen is sitting next to me.

I keep singing trying not to start laughing.

I feel like Ruth Buzzy.

I look like Ruth Buzzy.

We sit down and I try to pull the darn things up.

It is not working.

Karen notices and tries to keep her composure.

I manage to get them up far enough so I can run to the bathroon when service is over and pull them up the rest of the way.

I am not ready to jump into the 2000's.

Lord help me.

Talk later,

Annie

2010-10-21T10:08:00.001-07:00

Check this out!! I started this project a million years ago and today I decided it was time to do something with it!!Cheap food

FALL DECORATING WITH YARD SALE FINDS

2010-10-21T05:53:00.000-07:00

I follow this lady. She is a major yard sale freak and actually uses the stuff to decorate her house. I am impressed, she even labels totes with the seasons on them. Now thats an idea.

Cleaning is my Drug

2010-10-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

This girl continues to crack me up every damn day.

2010-10-19T03:32:00.001-07:00

2010-10-19T03:30:00.001-07:00

Sanford and Son

2010-10-19T03:26:00.000-07:00

OK, last night after supper, I sat down for a minute and Sanford and Son was on.

For those of you too young to know what I am talking about, it's about a bunch of funny black people. They drink beer, talk about girlie movies, they talk about gay people, they talk about black people, they talk about white people, it is just funny as hell.

While watching it, I wondered what would happen if someone approached CBS with a series like this now.

Can you just imagine.

OK, you base the show around an old black guy who is having a heart attack every 5 minutes and he talks about his dead wife. He lives in a house filled with junk that he sells and his tiny lawn is covered with more junk he sells at his "Antique junk shop". If he lived in our town he would have some hefty fines for "debris".

Then you have old black men talking about gay people. They also talk about hot black women, going to girlie movies, girlie bars all while making fun of their black wives. I haven't heard the term "Battleax" in forever.

Then you have a Hispanic neighbor names Julio who they call "Oreo".

I can only imagine what would happen if you said that today.

In the old days we watched this stuff and laughed our buts off. We never took it beyond the 30 minutes that it was on Dad's little TV with the rabbit ears sticking out the top.

It was OK to poke fun at ourselves. No one died from it. No one got sued. It was just funny as hell.

I wonder what has happened to our world.

Gotta go find the TV Topics and find out when Archie Bunker is on tonight.

Talk later,

Annie

is there a magnet in your damn pocket or what?

2010-10-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

OK, so we have lived like the Amish for the past 12 years with no public TV.

Enter cable.

I really can't stand it, such crap, if they want a show called "Survivor" I will tell you about the last 12 years of my life.

If they want a show about reality, certainly a family with 20 kids doesn't fit the "real" anything where I come from and I won't even go there with the "Little People" stuff.

So, there is a certain person in our house who can't seem to pull themselves away from the TV.

When the cable man comes and installs cable, do they put a magnet on all the chairs in your kitchen and secretly put a piece of metal in the rear pants pocket of your spouse?

When you turn off the TV, the magnet releases it's power.

It's real weird.

Talk later,

Annie

Workin' on my binder

2010-10-17T05:47:00.000-07:00

OK, last year I made a home management binder.

We moved and now I need to re-do it.

I swear by this thing. It's just a 3 ring binder with all the information I need on a daily basis. I have school crap in there, house crap in there, recipes, schedules.

Not that I use any of the schedules or ever read any of the newsletters I put in there from the school, but I am slowly getting better.

I try to look at it everyday.

I have birthdays in there on a calendar, dentist and Doctor appointments, when to pay bills, etc.

Not that I send the cards on time or pay the bills when they are due.

Basically I try to keep all my crap for the house in one spot, that helps. I have condensed about 100 areas of the house where I used to toss paperwork and put it in one binder.

Then I put the papers in plastic sleeves, that just looks neat. Makes it look like you are doing a book report for Mrs Wocjak. She sure would be proud of me.

Probably the best idea I stole somewhere was to make a page with everyone's Social Security numbers on it, birthdates and for those that are driving, license numbers. When I go to apply for anything like Health Insurance, I just whip this paper out and I look so organized Martha Stewart would want to do a whole show on me. If having this information on a sheet makes you nervous, just hide it somewhere. It's just nice to have it all in one place. I don't worry about anyone stealing my identity, I pity the poor soul who would go to the trouble to steal mine and realize he has wasted alot of time.

I keep the binder next to the microwave so I don't lose it.

I have stolen all these ideas from other people.

If you want to be organized, or at least look like you are organized, spy on organized people, watch videos on Youtube about organizing, read articles about organizing on the web and when you are done, put it all together and do what works best for you.

Talk later,

Unorganized Annie

I am not down on school (sort of)

2010-10-15T03:44:00.000-07:00

OK, I am not down on the school system, it is just really different than it used to be. I have 7 kids. Things have radically changed since I sent my first one off to school 100 years ago. (maybe more like 25 years), yeah, I'm that old.

Because I have a million kids and I have moved a million times, I have seen alot of school stuff.

OK, we used to be able to volunteer without being treated like criminals, you know background checks. I know they are doing that for a reason, but it's a little weird to old people like me.

We used to be able to bake crap like cakes and cookies, that is totally against the new rules. Everything must be "prewrapped". No peanuts due to "peanut allergies".

No costumes on Halloween in some schools. No reference to Santa, witches, leprachans, bunnies who bring candy or anything else that represents "fun".

I find it hard to believe that my generation is messed up because we believed in the Easter Bunny. Maybe those witch costumes I so proudly created along with the Leprechan suits I sewed are the reason I got divorced? I think I can blame Santa on my smoking and of course the tooth fairy is the reason I like to drink.

Thank you school system for figuring this all out for me. This has saved me thousands of dollars in counseling sessions.

I think that the fact I spent hours playing on the swingset is the underlying reason I have an anger control issue. Holy crap thanks again.

I won't even touch the whole Mary Poppins issue.

The fact that I can't spell anymore and have no idea where in the hell the quotation marks go is due to the fact that I ate way too many cream cheese and jelly sandwiches at lunchtime and over the period of years it has eaten away what little brain cells I started with.

Once again, I thank you.

OK, a million years ago when all the cavekids went to caveschool (back in the 70's and 80's), we had to behave on the bus or Big John would have you kicked off, it was that simple, he knew your parents and that was enought to scare anyone. If you didn't eat your sandwich out of your crumpled up brown paper bag, Mrs. Miller would tell your mom, once again, she lived down the street from us.

The principal went to Fish Fry on fridays with
Grace's parents and the Priest at Bible school called my mom by her first name (am i scaring the crap out of you yet?)

If someone was a bully to your friend, you kicked the crap out of them. Just ask my sister. I shoved the neighbor out of the bus window (totally on accident). How was I to know he was sitting in the seat with the "swinging window". He never bothered anyone on the bus after that.

How do they think kids are supposed to learn how to stick up for themselves?

Do they really think that eventually we didn't know that the Easter Bunny was pretend? I know of one kid who still believes, he's got a great job in Tennesee making a ton of money doing something no one else in the class has any idea about.

Let's get a grip.

Too many attorneys, too many wimpy parents.

When these kids go out in the world do you think that their jobs are not going to have situations where they may have to stick up for themselves?
Do you think that maybe at some point in their lives they may be short on money and may have to eat cream cheese and jelly sandwiches for a while?

The whole fat kid thing is another blog in itself. We ate the most crap of any generation. I was never fat. Our TV time was very limited, we played outside, we ran around and played dodgeball in gym, we rode these things called bikes. Not just in parks, but in driveways. Our bikes were our only modes of transportation until you got a car. We didn't get cars at 16. We worked at jobs and saved up money and bought cars. We bought crappy cars, then saved up more money and bought better less crappy cars.

Toss out those DS games and limit TV and computer time and make kids go outside. Better yet, go outside with them. Now there's a thought. I got a note home from school yesterday with a form for the kids to take "Zumba" or Rumba or something to that effect. It cost 50 bucks a kids. You have got to be kidding me.

Here was our workout schedule when I was growing up.

Summer: throw haybales all summer, swim, ride bikes, pick weeds in the garden, walk to the neighbors house. Mow the 5 acres of lawn with a push mower.

Fall: stack firewood, ride bikes, walk while trick or treating, stack more firewood. Pick more weeds, stack more wood.

Winter: bring in firewood, feed cows hay you stacked all summer, bring in more firewood, go sledding, bring in more firewood.

Oh yeah Spring: Rake stones off lawn, feed cows hay, get ready for Easter Bunny.

I have to go, the cream cheese is thawing out on the table and I have to make 3 witch costumes for Halloween. I have to go put some quarters under Izzy's pillow from the dreaded tooth fairy.

I am an old diehard.

Please excuse me.

Talk later,

Annie

The Canadian Gal talks about the school

2010-10-15T03:13:00.001-07:00

Tuesday, October 5, 2010Suck it Public School System

Seriously. I have heard the complaints about schools getting so PC it's ridiculous, but it wasn't until today that I really got it. What the freakin' heck (I'm not swearing mom) is going on around here? My daughter just started JK and today is her fourth birthday. Me being me, I dressed her in a tutu, tiara and her diamond encrusted number FOUR shirt...It's her birthday for crying out loud! I also made each classmate a gift bag filled with peanut-free Halloween candy. The Principal stopped me (her teacher was sick today) and told me food was prohibited and rudely asked "don't you read the newsletter?". I totally get the whole "don't bake anything" rule due to peanut allergies, but pre-packaged candy with the peanut-free label right on the side is a no-no now too?

K., so Izzy cried "my friends can't have their presents?" and looked at me with those big, blue, tear filled eyes...damn...I told her I'd be right back and took the little ones to the dollar store to buy and make 20 toy filled gift bags. I return two hours later with two tired two-year olds in tow and present the principal with 20 gift bags filled with play-doh, bubbles, stickers and a few other random toys... She then says to me, "since you obviously don't read the newsletter, I must inform you that costumes are not allowed at our school". She then gives my little Izzy a glance that could kill and I have to remind myself that slugging her stuck up principal is probably not a good "role model" thing to do. I politely tell the principal that a tutu is just a skirt and she rolls her eyes and says for Halloween she can only wear orange and black. Fine BEEOOCH... For Halloween Izzy is going to wear the biggest orange and black tutu I can make with a orange and black head band that looks like a witches hat...It's just a hair accessory, not a costume.

Taking away Halloween, Christmas and all the other cool holidays is just down right retarded. Come on people. Next are you going to get rid of hotdog days because Jewish people don't eat pork, let alone pork anus? I mean, what religion does Halloween offend? I completely agree with removing the prayers from the public school system, but this is too far. When is enough enough? Aren't there religions out there that believe women shouldn't work or show their faces? They should remove all female staff from the public school system immediately, starting with Izzy's bitchy-ass principal.

Posted by Cas

Listen carefully she says "Hi" to me!!!!!!!!!!!!! love this gal so much

2010-10-15T03:07:00.001-07:00

Glen Beck on education

2010-10-15T03:04:00.001-07:00

2010-10-14T11:00:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpvQocfwuPM

My thought process...it's scary and sad

2010-10-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

2010-10-14T10:51:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0K9fvUuRGDY

changin' things

2010-10-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

OK, every now and then you have to change things. I am taking off the skinny girl who sews and has no kids and lives at home off the blog. I like her but I really feel I have nothing in common with her at all.

Enter the organized Canadian girl.

click on her blog, she will keep you in stitches. She has a daycare, uses foul language and doesn't act phoney. I have looked up tons of organizing sites and videos and they are so boring it's not funny.

I even had a blog I used to follow about housekeeping. I tried to find her yesterday and she is gone. I found a bunch of blogs about her being too darn religious and phoney. Must be they scared her right off the web. Don't know, don't care.

I liked her, but I really wondered how in the hell cleaning the bathroom could possibly be a blessing from God?

OK, click on this funny as hell.

Gotta go organize something.

Talk later,

Annie

2010-10-14T03:27:00.001-07:00

The Boss

2010-10-14T03:24:00.000-07:00

OK, so you are driving down the road with your 4 kids in your minivan.

You are listening mindlessly to the radio.

Everyone is trying to talk to you at once and you can't hear any of them.

Then all the sudden "The Boss" comes on the radio.

Suddenly you are sucked somewhere into the 1980's.

You can't hear anything the kids are saying.

Your minivan turns into a red Chevy Monza.

You are wearing purple lipstick, a leather jacket, jeans that are so tight you can't breathe and so tight at the legs you could barely fit your plastic jelly shoes through them.

Your hair is long and pulled up on the top of your head in a ponytail thing.

You think you look like Cindi Lauper.

You think Bruce Springstein is singing to you.

The song ends.

You look around.

You are driving a blue minivan, your hair is super short, there are 4 kids sitting in the seats behind you, your stretch pants are flared out at the bottom so you can fit your super wide feet through the bottom because you are wearing rubber barn boots.

You take a minute, giggle to yourself and wonder what in the hell Bruce Springstein is doing right now.

The kids ask who is on the radio.

You answer, "Oh, just an old friend".

Talk later,

Annie

this gal cracks me up

2010-10-13T06:14:00.001-07:00

http://organizedmummy.blogspot.com/

what not to wear on Halloween

2010-10-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

OK, I love Hallowen. I love to make costumes.

I have compiled a list of what not to do.

1. Do not use shoe polish for makeup if you are a clown. It covers well but it does not come off and your face will break out for weeks.

2. If you are dressing up like Uncle Remus do not use coal on your face as it will also make your face break out and people really get mad about the "old black man" thing.

3. Don't dress like a pregnant nun in school. Makes some catholic folks a bit edgey.

4. When making a costume as a greek goddess make sure the dress is long enough to cover your panties.

5. When dressing up as a pumpkin lady, don't use a real pumpkin, you will get major closterphobia all night.

I speak from personal experience on all of these.

Have a Happy Halloween!

Annie

annie hates shopping

2010-10-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

OK, so I had to drop my van off the other day to get fixed and I had my sister in law pick me up.

"Let's run to town and get those pictures developed", she says on the way home.

"OK", I answer thinking it will only take a few minutes.

It's no secret I hate shopping.

We go into the Pharmacy where they are having a sale on film developing. There are 3 machines to use to pick out your photos, of course 2 of them are broken. There is an older couple using the other one.

No big deal, how long can they possibly take to choose pictures? 5 minutes? Maybe 10?

We get the ads from the front of the store, cut out the coupon we need for the discount and return to the photo section. The people are still there.

No big deal.

We shop around a bit. I find a planner I was looking for and grab it. I am ready to go.

I go back to the photo area, the people are still there.

OK, guys this is getting old.

We continue to shop, looking at overpriced nail polish, overpriced Halloween costumes and overpriced vitamins. They did have Depend undergarments on the marked down rack.

As we round one of the corners there is a big end cap shelf with a display of girdles on it.

"Annie, look at this, I found what we need".

I walk over and read the print on one of the girdles. It reads "The biggest loser girdle". I look at my sister in law with my usual blank stare.

"It's a show where people try to lose weight", she explains to me.

"Then why are they selling girdles"?

"Those are for the people who don't lose I guess".

We are both trying not to make a scene laughing out loud.

She puts the girdle back on the shelf. As she rounds the corner she grabs a giant candy bar. One of those HUGE bars. "Look Annie, they have the monster candy bars next to the girdles".

"That makes sense", I reply.

I am still trying to figure out why the show "The biggest loser" is selling girdles.

I am trying to compose myself, I don't want to be escorted out of the store, I need my pictures developed.

I wander back to the picture area. Those damn people are still there.

"I have absolutely had enough".

"Anne, be quiet, they will hear you".

"I certainly hope so".

They never even turned around.

I grabbed my planner, threw my camera disk back into my camera and went to the car.

My sister in law followed.

I lit up a cigarette.

"OK, I have figured it out", I start talking like my Dad.

"Those old people aren't real customers and those photo machines really aren't broken. Those old people are working for the drug store. You walk in, see there are people using the machine and go wander around the store for a while. You mindlessly buy overpriced crap you don't need."

"Why in the hell are the machines broken during a photo sale?"

"Oh Anne".

My pictures are still not developed, I have not written anything in the planner I bought and I am thinking I should have bought the girdle.

I know it's a retail plot, I just know it.

Talk later,

Annie

are you annie?

2010-10-03T15:23:00.000-07:00

OK, so I am at Springville Auction pawing in a box of crap and someone taps me on the shoulder. "Are you Annie?"

"Yes, Aunt Mary, it's me". I reply.

Aunt Mary is one of my girlfriends aunts I still call Aunt Mary.

I have not seen her in like 20 years. We start talking about the old days, crap we used to do when I was a kid, laughing so loud everyone at the auction thought we were drinking.

I would bring up a stupid incident then she would remember one. It was so fun I didn't want to leave.

I drove home remembering all the fun we used to have.

The really weird thing about the day was this:

On the way to the auction I took an extra minute to show my brother in law where my girlfriend used to live. It's a ways off the beaten path, not too far. The old house is gone now, the view is still as stunning as I remembered. I had not been there in 20 years.

What are the odds that I would run into someone from that part of my life the same day I am showing someone the property?

Really weird.

We had some good times.

Really good times.

Hard to believe it's been so long.

It was nice to see "Aunt Mary".

and it was nice to laugh outloud in public again.

Talk later,

Annie

The cost of living

2010-09-29T03:32:00.000-07:00

OK, so this morning I poured myself a cup of coffee

retail value: 5 bucks

I smoked a cigarette: retail value 2 bucks

I put on a cotton t-shirt: retail value 30 bucks

I filled out Loretta's school picture form : retail value 50 bucks

I drank a glass of milk: retail value zero

something is wrong here

talk later,

Annie

afterschool activities

2010-09-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

OK, so the kids have been bringing home tons of papers I am supposed to read. I have been putting them in huge pile and this morning got them out and went through them.

OK, so we have school picture forms to fill out, we are supposed to be selling stuff for fundraisers. Stuff that you would never buy. Candles that cost as much as an oil change. Chocolate covered pretzels in a box the size of a stick of butter that cost half a days pay.

They are selling T-shirts with the school logo on them. When I was in school we took a magic marker and wrote "Griffins" on an old white T-shirt.

Now mind you my kids are only in Elementary school.

Now you get to the pile of "afterschool activities".

First of all there must not be any afterschool bus anymore, this is not mentioned anywhere. Of course my kids are like me and want to sign up for EVERYTHING.

Swimming lessons, 30 bucks a kid, afterschool workout classes 50 bucks a kid, painting classes, 15 bucks per kid. You have to pick up child when he or she is done with these activities.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am all about kids doing things but it sure is different from when I was in school.

They offer Bible study at our school here for "free" but you have to pick them up.

When I was a kid, we used to have "church school" on Wednesdays, the bus picked you up at public took you to the Catholic school, then it picked you up when you were done. This is where I was introduced to the Sisters. Very different from the school I was attending. I had a hell of a time adjusting. I still have nightmares.

If the kids sign up for all these activities I. will have to hire someone to pick them up. I will also have to hire a secretary to tell the person picking up the kids when to pick up each kid and where to pick them up.

Gotta go and pick the "background" for the pictures Wednesday. This could take all afternoon.

Talk later,

Annie

2010-09-27T03:58:00.001-07:00

2010-09-27T03:52:00.001-07:00

the price of cotton

2010-09-27T03:45:00.000-07:00

Not to sound redundant, but right after the idiot on the news talks about the price of coffee going through the roof he talks about the price of cotton.

"Clothes will be higher this year with the bad cotton crop".

You have got to be kidding me.

I am sure this will include the price of cotton candy and not to mention cotton balls.

Has anyone looked at the clothes on the racks lately?

Everything is made out of polyester, has been for years.

OK, here is tomarrow's headline:

"We interrupt this program to tell you that all the polyester worms in Bangladesh have died this year. The price of clothes will be much higher due to this unforeseen tradgedy."

Who the hell are they kidding.

I gotta go take an aspirin I am getting a headache.

Talk later,

Annie

The price of coffee or wtf?

2010-09-27T03:40:00.000-07:00

OK, so I ran out of coffee and ran to Tops to get some. I get instant for Tim's work and regular for the house.

The price on the can says $8.99. Must be a misprint.

I put my dollar store readers on and take a closer look. "Yep, that's the correct price", says this lady standing behind me.

"WTF"!

OK, so tomarrow is picture day, I need to come up with 1 million dollars for those, I need a quarter of a million dollars for coffee for the week and I haven't even hit the snackie section yet.

Snackies will have to be fruit and home made crap this week.

I am looking on Craigslist in Columbia for a coffee slash tobacco slash snackie farm with a neighboring distillery slash cotton farm.

wtf

Talk later,

Annie

2010-09-26T05:24:00.001-07:00

2010-09-25T04:24:00.001-07:00