Wednesday, December 15, 2010

i got to light the candle

OK, so I got picked to light the rose candle in church last week for the advent wreath, and read a passage about it.  I was so excited.

One problem. 

I couldn't read the words on the paper.

This can be very stressful. 

Another concern I had was lighting it.  I thought for sure I would light my hair on fire.

I did OK.

Whew.

I could just imagine myself freaking out when the hairspray in my hair combusted with the fire.

Things went very smooth.

I felt like a little kid that gets picked to be in the school play.

The church did not burn down and I squinted through the reading.

Merry Christmas!!

Talk later,

Annie

PS my pantyhose didn't even fall down.
ADVENT WREATH


"Customarily the Advent Wreath is constructed of a circle of evergreen branches into which are inserted four candles. According to tradition, three of the candles are violet and the fourth is rose. However, four violet or white candles may also be used” (Book of Blessings 1510).

The rose candle is lit the third Sunday of Advent, for this color anticipates and symbolizes the Christmas joy announced in the first word of the Entrance Antiphon: "Rejoice" (Latin, Gaudete). For this reason the Third Sunday is also called Gaudete Sunday, and rose color vestments are permitted.

The Advent Wreath represents the long time when people lived in spiritual darkness, waiting for the coming of the Messiah, the Light of the world. Each year in Advent people wait once again in darkness for the coming of the Lord, His historical coming in the mystery of Bethlehem, His final coming at the end of time, and His special coming in every moment of grace.

During Advent, family and friends can gather around the Advent Wreath lighting the appropriate candle(s), read from the daily Advent meditation and sing songs. The Church's official Book of Blessings also provides a blessing ceremony for the advent wreath which can be used in the absence of

a priest

Linus explains the true meaning of Christmas

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Jolene

OK, so I used to live in a trailer park, and believe it or not i loved it.

Jolene the trailer park queen is like my stunt double I swear.

This clip is too funny.

Talk later,

Annie

Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake : Oktoberfest Trailer Park Cooking Show

Annie at the drive thru

OK, on the way home from the dentist today I decided to stop at McDonald's.  We never stop there. 

Never.

I thought it would be something special for the kids.

I knew if I ordered stuff off the dollar menu we could afford it.

I pulled up the the drive thru, picked out what we wanted and proceeded to order.

No one answered.

I said it again.

Nothing.

Loretta started to say something and I told her to be quiet, I was trying to order our food.

She just looked at me.

Still no response from the gal taking the order.

"Mom, you are talking to the garbage can".

"Be quiet, I am trying to order your burger".

No response.

"Mom, listen to me, that thing is the garbage can, not the intercom."

I gave her that "what in the hell are you talking about" look.

"Mom, I am telling you, it says "pull up and order", that thing is the garbage can.

I sat there for another second.

Darn, she was right.

Who in the hell would put the garbage can there?

I pulled up and ordered.

The girl at the register just laughed.

"Happens all the time Mam, don't worry".

Next dentist appointment I will pack a lunch for everyone.

Talk later,

Annie

Friday, November 19, 2010

getting back to work

OK, so I am thinking of going back to work.

How does one pay 5 dollars an hour for daycare?

No wonder no one works any more.

Holy crap.

That's all I have to say for  now.

Holy crap.

I just want to remind everyone I have four  kids still at home.

Do the math.

Holy crap times four.

Talk later,

Annie

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

i am learning new crap

OK, so I am trying to learn how to do new things on the computer.  It seems to take me forever but I can usually figure it out.

I am so darn proud of this collage I just had to post this picture.

I made it using PIKNIK .


So proud of my self

Talk later,

Annie

How to refill your Swiffer Wetjet and save money cleaning your floors!

i am a follower not a leader

OK, so I thought I was a leader.

I am pretty good at leading things. 

Except organizing and cleaning.

So, I am following The Clutterbug.

Everyday she is posting crap to do as far as organizing your house and cleaning it.

I am following.

She shows cool crafts.

I try like hell to do them.

I hope she doesn't ask us all to rob a bank and send her the money because I will probably do it if it's on one of her printout sheets.

Talk later,

Annie

Monday, November 8, 2010

My new watch or: I need a brand new car

OK, so we had a birthday party for my sister in law and Karen showed up.

"Mom, I bought you a new watch".

I almost fell off my chair.

"How did you know I needed a new watch?"

"I read the blog yesterday".

She bought me the exact same watch I had that died.

I was so happy, now I can tell the time again.

So, I got thinking.

If I blog about needing a new car, maybe she will buy me one?

How about a new house?

Oh yeah, a dishwasher?

Riding lawnmower?

I guess I will cut my losses and just be happy with my new watch.

I love that kid.

Talk later,

Annie

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Camping

OK, so Oprah goes camping.  It's funny as hell really.

I used to enjoy camping until one day I realized this:

I was the one who had to pack all the camping crap.

I was the one who had to unpack all the camping crap.

I was the one who had to repack all the camping crap.

Oh yeah, and put it away at home.

I also was the one who had to cook, put up the tent, make the fire, entertain the kids While making sure they went to the bathroom before peeing in their pants.

All while my significant other sat in a chair drinking beer.

I don't camp anymore.

But, I liked watching Oprah doing it.

Talk later,

Annie

Oprah camping this is so funny

My broken watch

OK, a few months ago I bought the greatest watch in the world.

 I swear I am legally blind so I need one with a big face.

I found one.  It's just about as big as a clock you hang on the wall.

I love it.

You can actually see the time.  It winds up just like my Grandfather's watch did.

It broke.

The face fell off.

Crap.

I ran to the Dollar Store and grabbed one of those plastic digital ones that I hate.

It looks like something you would get out of a box of Captain Crunch.

I am so blind there is no way in the world I will ever be able to see the time.

No way.

I can never figure out how to set these kind of watches.  I hate them with a passion.

I tried the pointed end of a knife, a baby pin and a paper clip.  Then my sister-in-law showed up out of nowhere and set it with a pen like everyone else does.






Now I have an excuse to be late.

I have no idea what time it is because I can't see my watch.

Maybe tomarrow I will go back to The Dollar Store and buy a pair of reading glasses for a dollar and one of those cool things to hang around my neck that holds your glasses on for another dollar so I can read my watch. My fourth grade teacher wore one of those.  Maybe I will look like a teacher if I get one.

Maybe not.

Maybe I should have just bought another watch like the first one I actually liked.

Talk later,

Annie

Friday, November 5, 2010

Nasty Annie

When you are home all day I guess people think you have nothing else to do but drink coffee.

I have these weirdest people stop at my house and expect me to visit with them for hours.

I actually had to be nasty with some of them yesterday and told them I can't visit any more , I actually do have things to do.

Although if you saw my laundry pile you would certainly think I am lying like a rug.

They kind of god mad.

I don't care.

I am being Nasty Annie this week I guess.

I also had a girl who was supposed to make bookbags for my kids.  Now School started a while ago.  These bags are not done.  I could have made the damn things myself.

I emailed her and she hasn't even started them. She says she is afraid to cut into the fabric.

You have got to be kidding me.  I sent another friend over to pick up the damn fabric.

After a nasty email from nasty Annie she says she will take the fabric over to the other girl who can throw the damn crap in the trash for all I care.  Usually if you don't plan on doing a project for someone you could at least let them know, not just let them think you are doing it.

God, I am so nasty this week.

I was raised to "not step on toes".

"Don't make waves"

How dumb is that thinking anyway?

Talk later,

Nasty Annie

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Stephen Organizing - Crazy versus Cool - Freedom Filer

Stephen Organizing - Purse organizing challenge

Stephen Organizing - Crazy vs Cool - Bathtub Filing

Prostitute Laundry

CLOTHES ARE OUT!

Susie's art work or Mom crap

OK, so I pick up the kids from school and Susie has this awesome picture to show me.  It is a rendition of the Peace Bridge.

It is really neat looking.

Nice colors.

I hold it up while I am trying to drive.

"This is a great picture", I tell her trying not to get in an accident.

Silence.

"Nice colors".

Silence.

I can see tears welling up in her eyes.

"Now, what in the hell did I say?"

"Mom, it's upside down!"

"Oh".

I put the picture down trying not to hit the neighbor's mailbox.

"I knew that, I was just testing you".

"Mom, you are so full of crap".

I guess she is too old to believe my "Mom crap".

Talk later,

Annie

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

my kids toys

My kids have so many toys it's stupid.

They play with none of them.

Except the Barbies.

Yesterday I caught them with my aluminum foil making dresses out of the foil.

I thought it was great.

I gave them some yarn and they wrapped the dolls and made dresses out of the yarn.

They even got out their Bratz dolls and made aluminum foil shoes to cover the missing feet that got vacuumed up in the vacuum cleaner.

I am heading down to Dollar Tree to buy out the rest of their aluminum foil.

Talk later,

Annie

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

colder than hell


OK, so you wake up and the furnace is on the fritz.

It's colder than hell.

I am told "Hotter than hell" is used for hot weather.

"Colder than a witches titty", is the proper term to use when it's cold.

Where do they come up with this crap?

Talk later,

Colder than hell,

Annie

Sunday, October 31, 2010

karen's costume

OK, so Karen asks me to make her a leopard costume.  We whipped it up in about a half an hour.  She looked great.  It is about the only thing that turned out this year.

Thank God for Karen

My Halloween

OK,  I feel like Charlie Brown. This has been a real "I got a rock" Halloween.

I plan a hayride and the day of the hayride the tractor won't start.

My kids tell me my witch costume looks dumb and the green makeup I put on my face looks like frosting.

The sheet I bought to make a ghost with is still sitting on the couch with the 25 cent tag on it along with the mens suit I bought to stuff a dumby.

My popcorn balls are full of kernals and no one will eat them.

I tried to make my beer look like a bloody drink and the kids catch me putting red food coloring in my glass.

I drink way too much and fall asleep with my sparkly witch dress on and wake up in the middle of the night with a green pillowcase and and itchy body from the dress I should have taken off before I passed out.

The kids take apart the huge book I painted black and made into a spell book and realize it is an old almanac with maps in it.

The goats get into the jackolanterns and eat all the faces out of them.

I am going to bed now, I will try harder next year.

Talk later,

Annie,  aka: Charlie Brown Annie

Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown - I Got A Rock

Friday, October 29, 2010

Hocus Pocus - Amuck!

Halloween

OK, so I thought I had all the costumes ready for school.

Last night at 9 Loretta tells me she needs fairy wings, I bought her "bumble bee" wings and I am the dumbest mom alive.

I tried not to agree with her.

This morning at 6:30 my sister-in-law calls just to chat.  I rudely interupt her "do you have any damn fairy wings?"

"yeah"

"I will be right over".

Lifesaver.

Last week I asked the kids what they thought I should be for Halloween.

"The witch lady from Hocus Pocus, Mom, your hair looks just like hers".

The damn kids were right.  I tried not to get mad, I pulled up "Hocus Pocus" on the You tube and, yeah, they were right.  I could have easily been a stand in for Bette Midler in that movie.

I asked them if they meant the skinny witch lady, Sarah Jessica Parker and they assured me "No, Mom, the other chubby witch lady, the one that has hair like yours."

Crap.



I grabbed a black dress and some fishnet stockings at the thrift store, a black slip and an old wool coat with a fur collar. 

Little bit of hair spray and I will look just like Annie trying to look like Bette Midler.

Have a great Halloween


Talk later,

Annie

Hocus Pocus - I Put A Spell On You

Plymouth Voyager VS Dodge Caravan

I am the coolest Mom on the block

OK, I needed to get another vehicle for Tim to drive.  I asked my mechanic what to buy.  He told me to get the same van that I had now. "ugly as hell but they run forever", was the quote.

The next day on the way  home from church I literally found the exact same van I have now, just a different color.  Seems a 95 year old guy passed away. I bought the beauty for 500 bucks.

Last night I was getting ready to go to a 4-H meeting and the kids came flying in.

"Mom, that's your van on TV".

There is this car commercial on.

The kid is washing his Dad's van and telling him that they are the biggest nerds on the block or something to that effect.

They go out and buy some really cool black car.

The "Nerd" van they are referring to is the exact van I have.

I am now a double nerd.

Talk later,

Annie

Thursday, October 28, 2010

home made halloween make up

OK, I stole this recipe from a friend years ago.

It is so easy and works great.

Take a couple tablespoons of cornstarch and mix it with a couple tablespoons of crisco.  Put in a few drops of food coloring.

It works great. Really doesn't stain and is non toxic.

It's stuff you probably have in your cupboard anyway. 

If you want a nice black, you can get black food coloring in the baking sections now of the bigger stores.  It usually comes by itself, not with the other colors.

Talk later,

Annie

Small Space Solutioins

Do It Yourself: Organize your Room

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

How to clean the wood stove

OK, so it's been pretty cold here the past few days so we started a fire in the kitchen wood stove.

Yesterday I was told the ashes needed to be cleaned out.

I looked for the black shovel thing that we use to clean it out with.

I found nothing.

I bet it's buried in  the sandbox.

I took a minute to think what else would work.

I grabbed a spatula out of the kitchen drawer.

Worked perfectly.

Got the job done.

Now I have to think of what I am going to use to get the cookies off the baking sheet today.

Talk later,

Annie

Monday, October 25, 2010

Bible school

OK, so I signed the kids up for Bible School at our public school.  I thought it would be a good idea at the time.

I didn't realize that unlike the old days when we had these things called after school buses, I have to actually pick them up from school.

It's not a big deal, I just have to remember to do it.

Last Thursday I wrote it down and remembered all day.

Until Loretta got off the bus and the other kids didn't.

Crap, it's Thursday, no big deal I will just throw Loretta in the van and she can run into school and get the other kids. 

I was feeding pigs and really smelled like pig crap.  I didn't think it was appropriate to go to school smelling like a pig poop.

No time to change. It won't be a big deal.

Oh yeah right.

I get there and Loretta goes into school.

She comes back out.

"Pastor says you are probably talking on your cell phone and you have to come in and sign the girls out".

"Loretta tell Pastor I don't even have a cell phone".

She runs back in and right back out . 

Alone.

"Mom, he says you have to get off your phone and come in".

I sit there for a minute.  I guess if they want to smell pig poop then so be it.

Enter my friend Jeanne.

Jeanne also sends her kids to this Bible school.

Thank God.

I could see her through the window.

I motioned to her to come out.

"Jeanne can you please tell the Pastor that I smell like pig crap and that you have to sign the kids out".

"Oh for goodness sake Anne, of course I can."

She goes in and I see her laughing with Pastor.  She brings the kids out.

"I owe you one".

"No problem Anne, anytime."

Thank Goodness for friend like Jeanne.

Thank Goodness she didn't smell like pig poop.

Thank Goodness I didn't have to actually go into the school.

Talk later,

Annie

When your thigh highs aren't "thigh high"


OK, so we go to church on Sundays now that we are living back home.  The kids love it.  We have a great church. 

It's the only day I actually get to dress up.  I havent worn pantyhose in a million years.  One of my friends tells me to buy "thigh highs".  She says they are the greatest thing.  She says you don't need all that extra bulkiness that pantyhose has.

So I buy a pair.

I put my skirt on and put these weird things on.  They have a thing on them that looks like a big rubber band that holds them onto your thigh. 

They seem too tight to me.  They make my legs look like a sausage stuffed into a casing.

I roll down the thigh high where I don't feel it will cut off the circulation in my legs and I go to church.

Everything is good.

We sing alot in our church.

On the last song I stand up and my thigh highs don't.

They fall down to my ankles.

I guess I rolled down the rubber band thing that clings to your leg.

I look around to see if anyone has noticed.

Karen is sitting next to  me.

I keep singing trying not to start laughing.

I feel like Ruth Buzzy.

I look like Ruth Buzzy.

We sit down and I try to pull the darn things up.

It is not working.

Karen notices and tries to keep her composure.

I manage to get them up far enough so I can run to the bathroon when service is over and pull them up  the rest of the way.

I am not ready to jump into the 2000's.

Lord help me.

Talk later,

Annie

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Check this out!!  I started this project a million years ago and today I decided it was time to do something with it!!Cheap food

FALL DECORATING WITH YARD SALE FINDS




I follow this lady.  She is a major yard sale freak and actually uses the stuff to decorate her house.  I am impressed, she even labels totes with the seasons on them.  Now thats an idea.

Cleaning is my Drug



This girl continues to crack me up every damn day.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sanford and Son

OK, last night after supper, I sat down for a minute and Sanford and Son was on.

For those of you too young to know what I am talking about, it's about a bunch of funny black people.  They drink beer, talk about girlie movies, they talk about gay people, they talk about black people, they talk about white people, it is just funny as hell.

While watching it, I wondered what would happen if someone approached CBS with a series like this now.

Can you just imagine.

OK, you base the show around an old black guy who is having a heart attack every 5 minutes and he talks about his dead wife. He lives in a house filled with junk that he sells and his tiny lawn is covered with more junk he sells at his "Antique junk shop". If he lived in our town he would have some hefty fines for "debris".

Then you have old black men talking about gay people.  They also talk about hot black women, going to girlie movies, girlie bars all while making fun of their black wives.  I haven't heard the term "Battleax" in forever.

Then you have a Hispanic neighbor names Julio who they call "Oreo".

I can only imagine what would happen if you said that today.

In the old days we watched this stuff and laughed our buts off.  We never took it beyond the 30 minutes that it was on Dad's little TV with the rabbit ears sticking out the top.

It was OK to poke fun at ourselves.  No one died from it.  No one got sued.  It was just funny as hell.

I wonder what has happened to our world.

Gotta go find the TV Topics and find out when Archie Bunker is on tonight.

Talk later,

Annie

Monday, October 18, 2010

is there a magnet in your damn pocket or what?

OK, so we have lived like the Amish for the past 12 years with no public TV.

Enter cable.

I really can't stand it, such crap, if they want a show called "Survivor" I will tell you about the last 12 years of my life.

If they want a show about reality, certainly a family with 20 kids doesn't fit the "real" anything where I come from and I won't even go there with the "Little People" stuff.

So, there is a certain person in our house who can't seem to pull themselves away from the TV.

When the cable man comes and installs cable, do they put a magnet on all the chairs in your kitchen and secretly put a piece of metal in the rear pants pocket of your spouse?

When you turn off the TV, the magnet releases it's power.

It's real weird.

Talk later,

Annie

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Workin' on my binder

OK, last year I made a home management binder. 

We moved and now I need to re-do it.

I swear by this thing.  It's just a 3 ring binder with all the information I need on a daily basis.  I have school crap in there, house crap in there, recipes, schedules.

Not that I use any of the schedules or ever read any of the newsletters I put in there from the school, but I am slowly getting better.

I try to look at it everyday.

I have birthdays in there on a calendar, dentist and Doctor appointments, when to pay bills, etc. 

Not that I send the cards on time or pay the bills when they are due.

Basically I try to keep all my crap for the house in one spot, that helps.  I have condensed about 100 areas of the house where I used to toss paperwork and put it in one binder.

Then I put the papers in plastic sleeves, that just looks neat.  Makes it look like you are doing a book report for Mrs Wocjak.  She sure would be proud of me.

Probably the best idea I stole somewhere was to make a page with everyone's Social Security numbers on it, birthdates and for those that are driving, license numbers.  When I go to apply for anything like Health Insurance, I just whip this paper out and I look so organized Martha Stewart would want to do a whole show on me.  If having this information on a sheet makes you nervous, just hide it somewhere.  It's just nice to have it all in one place.  I don't worry about anyone stealing my identity, I pity the poor soul who would go to the trouble to steal mine and realize he has wasted alot of time.

I keep the binder next to the microwave so I don't lose it.

I have stolen all these ideas from other people. 

If you want to be organized, or at least look like you are organized, spy on organized people, watch videos on Youtube about organizing, read articles about organizing on the web and when you are done, put it all together and do what works best for you.

Talk later,

Unorganized Annie

Friday, October 15, 2010

I am not down on school (sort of)


OK, I am not down on the school system, it is just really different than it used to be.  I have 7 kids.  Things have radically changed since I sent my first one off to school 100 years ago.  (maybe more like 25 years), yeah, I'm that old.

Because I have a million kids and I have moved a million times, I have seen alot of school stuff.

OK, we used to be able to volunteer without being treated like criminals, you know background checks.  I know they are doing that for a reason, but it's a little weird to old people like me.

We used to be able to bake crap like cakes and cookies, that is totally against the new rules.  Everything must be "prewrapped".  No peanuts due to "peanut allergies".

No costumes on Halloween in some schools.  No reference to Santa, witches, leprachans, bunnies who bring candy or anything else that represents "fun". 

I find it hard to believe that my generation is messed up because we believed in the Easter Bunny.  Maybe those witch costumes I so proudly created along with the Leprechan suits I sewed are the reason I got divorced? I think I can blame Santa on my smoking and of course the tooth fairy is the reason I like to drink.



Thank you school system for figuring this all out for me.  This has saved me thousands of dollars in counseling sessions.

I think that the fact I spent hours playing on the swingset is the underlying reason I have an anger control issue.  Holy crap thanks again.

I won't even touch the whole Mary Poppins issue.

The fact that I can't spell anymore and have no idea where in the hell the quotation marks go is due to the fact that I ate way too many cream cheese and jelly sandwiches at lunchtime and over the period of years it has eaten away what little brain cells I started with.

Once again, I thank you.

OK, a million years ago when all the cavekids went to caveschool (back in the 70's and 80's), we had to behave on the bus or Big John would have you kicked off, it was that simple, he knew your parents and that was enought to scare anyone.  If you didn't eat your sandwich out of your crumpled up brown paper bag, Mrs. Miller would tell your mom, once again, she lived down the street from us.

The principal went to Fish Fry on fridays with
Grace's parents and the Priest at Bible school called my mom by her first name (am i scaring the crap out of you yet?)


If someone was a bully to your friend, you kicked the crap out of them.  Just ask my sister.  I shoved the neighbor out of the bus window (totally on accident).  How was I to know he was sitting in the seat with the "swinging window".  He never bothered anyone on the bus after that.

How do they think kids are supposed to learn how to stick up for themselves?

Do they really think that eventually we didn't know that the Easter Bunny was pretend?  I know of one kid who still believes, he's got a great job in Tennesee making a ton of money doing something no one else in the class has any idea about.

Let's get a grip. 

Too many attorneys,  too many wimpy parents.

When these kids go out in the world do you think that their jobs are not going to have situations where they may have to stick up for themselves? 
Do you think that maybe at some point in their lives they may be short on money and may have to eat cream cheese and jelly sandwiches for a while?


The whole fat kid thing is another blog in itself.  We ate the most crap of any generation.  I was never fat.  Our TV time was very limited, we played outside, we ran around and played dodgeball in gym, we rode these things called bikes. Not just in parks, but in driveways.  Our bikes were our only modes of transportation until you got a car.  We didn't get cars at 16.  We worked at jobs and saved up money and bought cars.  We bought crappy cars, then saved up more money and bought better less crappy cars.

Toss out those DS games and limit TV and computer time and make kids go outside.  Better yet, go outside with them.  Now there's a thought. I got a note home from school yesterday with a form for the kids to take "Zumba" or Rumba or something to that effect.  It cost 50 bucks a kids.  You have got to be kidding me. 

Here was our workout schedule when I was growing up. 

Summer:  throw haybales all summer, swim, ride bikes, pick weeds in the garden, walk to the neighbors house. Mow the 5 acres of lawn with a push mower.

Fall:  stack firewood, ride bikes, walk while trick or treating, stack more firewood.  Pick more weeds, stack more wood.

Winter:  bring in firewood, feed cows hay you stacked all summer, bring in more firewood, go sledding, bring in more firewood.

Oh yeah Spring:  Rake stones off lawn, feed cows hay, get ready for Easter Bunny. 

I have to go, the cream cheese is thawing out on the table and I have to make 3 witch costumes for Halloween. I have to go put some quarters under Izzy's pillow from the dreaded tooth fairy.

I am an old diehard.

Please excuse me.

Talk later,

Annie 

The Canadian Gal talks about the school

Tuesday, October 5, 2010Suck it Public School System




Seriously. I have heard the complaints about schools getting so PC it's ridiculous, but it wasn't until today that I really got it. What the freakin' heck (I'm not swearing mom) is going on around here? My daughter just started JK and today is her fourth birthday. Me being me, I dressed her in a tutu, tiara and her diamond encrusted number FOUR shirt...It's her birthday for crying out loud! I also made each classmate a gift bag filled with peanut-free Halloween candy. The Principal stopped me (her teacher was sick today) and told me food was prohibited and rudely asked "don't you read the newsletter?". I totally get the whole "don't bake anything" rule due to peanut allergies, but pre-packaged candy with the peanut-free label right on the side is a no-no now too?



K., so Izzy cried "my friends can't have their presents?" and looked at me with those big, blue, tear filled eyes...damn...I told her I'd be right back and took the little ones to the dollar store to buy and make 20 toy filled gift bags. I return two hours later with two tired two-year olds in tow and present the principal with 20 gift bags filled with play-doh, bubbles, stickers and a few other random toys... She then says to me, "since you obviously don't read the newsletter, I must inform you that costumes are not allowed at our school". She then gives my little Izzy a glance that could kill and I have to remind myself that slugging her stuck up principal is probably not a good "role model" thing to do. I politely tell the principal that a tutu is just a skirt and she rolls her eyes and says for Halloween she can only wear orange and black. Fine BEEOOCH... For Halloween Izzy is going to wear the biggest orange and black tutu I can make with a orange and black head band that looks like a witches hat...It's just a hair accessory, not a costume.



Taking away Halloween, Christmas and all the other cool holidays is just down right retarded. Come on people. Next are you going to get rid of hotdog days because Jewish people don't eat pork, let alone pork anus? I mean, what religion does Halloween offend? I completely agree with removing the prayers from the public school system, but this is too far. When is enough enough? Aren't there religions out there that believe women shouldn't work or show their faces? They should remove all female staff from the public school system immediately, starting with Izzy's bitchy-ass principal.

Posted by Cas

Listen carefully she says "Hi" to me!!!!!!!!!!!!! love this gal so much

Glen Beck on education

Thursday, October 14, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpvQocfwuPM

My thought process...it's scary and sad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0K9fvUuRGDY

changin' things

OK, every now and then you have to change things.  I am taking off the skinny girl who sews and has no kids and lives at home off the blog.  I like her but I really feel I have nothing in common with her at all.

Enter the organized Canadian girl.

click on her blog, she will keep you in stitches.  She has a daycare, uses foul language and doesn't act phoney.  I have looked up tons of organizing sites and videos and they are so boring it's not funny.

I even had a blog I used to follow about housekeeping.  I tried to find her yesterday and she is gone.  I found a bunch of blogs about her being too darn religious and phoney.  Must be they scared her right off the web.  Don't know, don't care.

I liked her, but I really wondered how in the hell cleaning the bathroom could possibly be a blessing from God?

OK, click on this funny as hell.

Gotta go organize something.

Talk later,

Annie

The Boss

OK, so you are driving down the road with your 4 kids in your minivan. 

You are listening mindlessly to the radio.

Everyone is trying to talk to you at once and you can't hear any of them.

Then all the sudden "The Boss" comes on the radio.

Suddenly you are sucked somewhere into the 1980's.

You can't hear anything the kids are saying.

Your minivan turns into a red Chevy Monza.

You are wearing purple lipstick, a leather jacket, jeans that are so tight you can't breathe and so tight at the legs you could barely fit your plastic jelly shoes through them.

Your hair is long and pulled up on the top of your head in a ponytail thing.

You think you look like Cindi Lauper.

You think Bruce Springstein is singing to you.

The song ends.

You look around.

You are driving a blue minivan, your hair is super short, there are 4 kids sitting in the seats behind you, your stretch pants are flared out at the bottom so you can fit your super wide feet through the bottom because you are wearing rubber barn boots.

You take a minute, giggle to yourself and wonder what in the hell Bruce Springstein is doing right now.

The kids ask who is on the radio.

You answer, "Oh, just an old friend".


Talk later,

Annie

Monday, October 11, 2010

what not to wear on Halloween

OK, I love Hallowen.  I love to make costumes.

I have compiled a list of what not to do.

1.  Do not use shoe polish for makeup if you are a clown.  It covers well but it does not come off and your face will break out for weeks.

2.  If you are dressing up like Uncle Remus do not use coal on your face as it will also make your face break out and people really get mad about the "old black man" thing.

3.  Don't dress like a pregnant nun in school.  Makes some catholic folks a bit edgey.

4. When making a costume as a greek goddess make sure the dress is long enough to cover your panties.

5.  When dressing up as a pumpkin lady, don't use a real pumpkin, you will get major closterphobia all night.

I speak from personal experience on all of these.

Have a Happy Halloween!

Annie

Saturday, October 9, 2010

annie hates shopping

OK, so I had to drop my van off the other day to get fixed and I had my sister in law pick me up. 

"Let's run to town and get those pictures developed", she says on the way home.

"OK", I answer thinking it will only take a few minutes.

It's no secret I hate shopping.

We go into the Pharmacy where they are having a sale on film developing.  There are 3 machines to use to pick out your photos, of course 2 of them are broken.  There is an older couple using the other one.

No big deal, how long can they possibly take to choose pictures?  5 minutes? Maybe 10?

We get the ads from the front of the store, cut out the coupon we need for the discount and return to the photo section.  The people are still there.

No big deal.

We shop around a bit.  I find a planner I was looking for and grab it.  I am ready to go.

I go back to the photo area, the people are still there.

OK, guys this is getting old.

We continue to shop, looking at overpriced nail polish, overpriced Halloween costumes and overpriced vitamins.  They did have Depend undergarments on the marked down rack.

As we round one of the corners there is a big end cap shelf with a display of girdles on it.

"Annie, look at this, I found what we need".

I walk over and read the print on one of the girdles. It reads "The biggest loser girdle".  I look at my sister in law with my usual blank stare.

"It's a show where people try to lose weight", she explains to me.

"Then why are they selling girdles"?

"Those are for the people who don't lose I guess".

We are both trying not to make a scene laughing out loud.

She puts the girdle back on the shelf.  As she rounds the corner she grabs a giant candy bar. One of those HUGE bars.  "Look Annie, they have the monster candy bars next to the girdles".

"That makes sense", I reply.

I am still trying to figure out why the show "The biggest loser" is selling girdles.

I am trying to compose myself, I don't want to be escorted out of the store, I need my pictures developed.

I wander back to the picture area.  Those damn people are still there.

"I have absolutely had enough".

"Anne, be quiet, they will hear you".

"I certainly hope so".

They never even turned around.

I grabbed my planner, threw my camera disk back into my camera and went to the car.

My sister in law followed.

I lit up a cigarette.

"OK, I have figured it out", I start talking like my Dad.

"Those old people aren't real customers and those photo machines really aren't broken.  Those old people are working for the drug store.  You walk in, see there are people using the machine and go wander around the store for a while.  You mindlessly buy overpriced crap you don't need."

"Why in the hell are the machines broken during a photo sale?"



"Oh Anne".

My pictures are still not developed, I have not written anything in the planner I bought and I am thinking I should have bought the girdle.

I know it's a retail plot, I just know it.

Talk later,

Annie

Sunday, October 3, 2010

are you annie?

OK, so I am at Springville Auction pawing in a box of crap and someone taps me on the shoulder.  "Are you Annie?"

"Yes, Aunt Mary, it's me". I reply.

Aunt Mary is one of my girlfriends aunts I still call Aunt Mary. 

I have not seen her in like 20 years.  We start talking about the old days, crap we used to do when I was a kid, laughing so loud everyone at the auction thought we were drinking. 

I would bring up a stupid incident then she would remember one.  It was so fun I didn't want to leave.

I drove home remembering all the fun we used to have.

The really weird thing about the day was this:

On the way to the auction I took an extra minute to show my brother in law where my girlfriend used to live.  It's a ways off the beaten path, not too far.  The old house is gone now, the view is still as stunning as I remembered.  I had not been there in 20 years.

What are the odds that I would run into someone from that part of my life the same day I am showing someone the property?

Really weird.

We had some good times.

Really good times.

Hard to believe it's been so long.

It was nice to see "Aunt Mary".

and it was nice to laugh outloud in public again.

Talk later,

Annie

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The cost of living

OK, so this morning I poured myself a cup of coffee

retail value: 5 bucks

I smoked a cigarette: retail value 2 bucks

I put on a cotton t-shirt: retail value 30 bucks

I filled out Loretta's school picture form :  retail value 50 bucks

I drank a glass of milk: retail value zero

something is wrong here

talk later,

Annie

Monday, September 27, 2010

afterschool activities

OK, so the kids have been bringing home tons of papers I am supposed to read.  I have been putting them in  huge pile and this morning got them out and went through them.

OK, so we have school picture forms to fill out, we are supposed to be selling stuff for fundraisers.  Stuff that you would never buy.  Candles that cost as much as an oil change.  Chocolate covered pretzels in a box the size of a stick of butter that cost half a days pay.

They are selling T-shirts with the school logo on them.  When I was in school we took a magic marker and wrote "Griffins" on an old white T-shirt.

Now mind you my kids are only in Elementary school.

Now you get to the pile of "afterschool activities".

First of all there must not be any afterschool bus anymore, this is not mentioned anywhere.  Of course my kids are like me and want to sign up for EVERYTHING.

Swimming lessons, 30 bucks a kid, afterschool workout classes 50 bucks a kid, painting classes, 15 bucks per kid.  You have to pick up child when he or she is done with these activities. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I am all about kids doing things but it sure is different from when I was in school.

They offer Bible study at our school here for "free" but you have to pick them up.

When I was a kid, we used to have "church school" on Wednesdays, the bus picked you up at public took you to the Catholic school, then it picked you up when you were done.  This is where I was introduced to the Sisters.  Very different from the school I was attending.  I had a hell of a time adjusting.  I still have nightmares.

If the kids sign up for all these activities I. will have to hire someone to pick them up.  I will also have to hire a secretary to tell the person picking up the kids when to pick up each kid and where to pick them up.

Gotta go and pick the "background" for the pictures Wednesday.  This could take all afternoon.

Talk later,

Annie

the price of cotton

Not to sound redundant, but right after the idiot on the news talks about the price of coffee going through the roof he talks about the price of cotton.

"Clothes will be higher this year with the bad cotton crop".

You have got to be kidding me.

I am sure this will include the price of cotton candy and not to mention cotton balls.

Has anyone looked at the clothes on the racks lately?

Everything is made out of polyester, has been for years.

OK, here is tomarrow's headline:

"We interrupt this program to tell you that all the polyester worms in Bangladesh have died this year.  The price of clothes will be much higher due to this unforeseen tradgedy."

Who the hell are they kidding.

I gotta go take an aspirin I am getting a headache.

Talk later,

Annie

The price of coffee or wtf?

OK, so I ran out of coffee and ran to Tops to get some.  I get instant for Tim's work and regular for the house.


The price on the can says $8.99.  Must be a misprint.

I put my dollar store readers on and take a closer look.  "Yep, that's the correct price", says this lady standing behind me.

"WTF"!

OK, so tomarrow is picture day, I need to come up with 1 million dollars for those, I need a quarter of a million dollars for coffee for the week and I haven't even hit the snackie section yet.

Snackies will have to be fruit and home made crap this week.

I am looking on Craigslist in Columbia for a coffee slash tobacco slash snackie farm with a neighboring distillery slash cotton farm.

wtf

Talk later,

Annie

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Old Friends

I ran into an old friend at the gas station the other day.  I haven't seen him in something like 7 years.

I could see him getting out of his truck.  It wasn't the truck I remember. 

I got out of my van I am sure he was thinking the same thing.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

So did he.

"I think it's him", was my thought.

I am sure he thought the same.

He is a bit heavier.

I am sure he thought the same about me.

He took 3 steps.

I took 3 steps.

What if it's not him, this guy will think I am nuts.

We both slowly walked toward each other trying to look into the "eyes".  I have found out that if you  haven't seen someone in forever you can usually catch the "spark" in their eyes.

The truck he was driving really didn't look like something he would drive.

OK, I had an idea.

I got closer and called him a name we used to have for him.  You know, a nickname.  A name no one else would know except him and I.  The other ones that would know this nickname are probably dead.

He looked up at me with a huge grin.

"ANNIE, it IS you!!"

Whew, it was him.

We chatted small talk and exchanged phone numbers.

Sure was nice to see him again.

On the way out he hollers "Call me sometime".

"I will".

I paid for my gas and forgot to pump it in the van.  I drove off.  I turned around when Wheezer said "Mommy you didn't get the gas".

I pulled back in.

He was standing there.

"You will never change Annie".

"Yeah, somethings don't change, some things do".

"Good seein' ya kiddo".

Had a nice feeling all day. 

Lots of good times.  Lots of water under the bridge.


Good to see old friends.

Talk later,

Annie

Monday, September 20, 2010

a pickin' and a stackin'

Yesterday the kids and I were picking corn out of the cornfield.  After the big corn chopper goes through, it leaves corn in the field and we pick it up to feed chickens and pigs. 

It's really not very fun but it never bothered me.

My kids were complaining how much they hated it.

"Just make it be fun", I told them.

"Oh yeah Ma, real fun". was there answer.

I continuted to tell them how I make things that stink be fun.

"OK guys, I have been picking and stacking crap my whole life."

Picking corn, beans, pumpkins, apples tomatoes,weeds,rocks.  You name it, I have had to pick it.

I have been stacking crap my whole life.

Wood, hay, feed bags.

You gotta "zone out" guys.

They just looked at me like I was on crack.

"OK, just pretend you are someplace else that you think is fun".

Still looking at me like I am on crack.

"OK, when I was a kid we used to pick weeds and dig potatoes for hours, I would be playing dodgeball in my head or planning what
Gracie and I would be doing the next time we got together".
"Do ya get it now?"

Silence.

"OK, when I got older and I had to stack hay and pick rocks out of the fields I would be planning where I could buy beer and what outfit I was going to wear to the squaredance".

"Do ya get it now?"

"Oh my God Mom you are so weird".

They grumbled on, I happily picked corn, planning my dinner menu in my head and looking forward to watching Ron White at 8.

I am never really where I am supposed to be.

Physically I am there, mentally I am somewhere in "The Twilight Zone".

When I worked at Fisher Price in the factory making parts for toys I would plan my menus, budget my paycheck, plan the next days routine all while packing plastic crap in boxes for 8 hours.  I loved it.  Never bothered me a bit.

Gotta go fold laundry now so I can plan the things I have to do.

Talk later,

Annie

Talk later,

Annie

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The bus driver and toad are not friends

Well the toad had to be let go at school.

Seems Susie was a hit at show and tell and the teacher loved it, but the bus driver wasn't up for toadie on the return trip.

He now is living out his retirement at the Elementary school in the bushes somewhere.

I am sure some stupid lady toad will feel sorry for him and take his sorry toad but in.

Talk later,

Annie

Friday, September 17, 2010

Frog and toad were friends

At the supper table my Susie says "tomarrow is show and tell and I want to take a toad".

"A toad?" was my reply.

"yeah ma, a toad".

She found a toad but it got away.

Just before bedtime I saw her crying.

"My toad got away, I really want to take a toad".

Being the super Mom that I am, I got a flashlight and went toad hunting.

I found a beauty, brought it in and made him a "toad house" from an ice cream pail with holes and grass.

I will keep checking the answering machine to see when the principal calls for me to pick up the toad.

talk later,

Annie

Annie for Mayor

OK, so I am canning like crazy this year.  I needed canning jars, found 6 boxes for free, went to get them and they are sitting in the middle of the kitchen.

Dryer crapped out.  Got one yesterday. It is sitting on the front steps waiting for someone to trip over the vent hose and hook it up.

I had to buy the washer with it.  Washer sits on the front porch.

I needed apples to can into applesauce.  5 bags of apples sit in the middle of the kitchen surrounded by 6 boxes of empty canning jars.


3 cabinets are sitting on the front porch  waiting patiently to come into the kitchen to house my baking supplies.  Big cabinets.  Real big cabinets.

10 bags of clothes are also patiently waiting to be sorted through that were given to me for school.

I still am trying to understand the concept of "bored".  I am still trying to figure out how in the hell the people in Buffalo have time to shoot each other.  I think they need some canning jars to sort and apples to peel.



 If those guys are such good shots with a gun maybe they should be in the military.

Think I might run for Mayor this year.

Guys in the holding center are just sitting there with nothing to do.  Bet they would just love to have the opportunity to get some fresh air, mow my lawn, pick  my 1 million pumpkins and help me sort through clothes.

Gotta go, Mayor Brown is on the phone.  Mr. Paladino is on hold.

Life is good,

Talk later,

Annie

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

school pictures

OK, so the kids get off the bus yesterday waving that famous paper.

You know the paper.

School pictures.

I went to the phone and called the bank.

"I need another loan, I just got the school picture form".

"Anne, we just remortgaged your house for school supplies, you are not eligible for another loan until next year."

I hung up the phone.

Maybe they will take pumpkins in trade for pictures?

Don't get me wrong.  I love those school pictures.  I just think that 57 dollars is a bit steep.

I hardly think my mother paid 57 dollars.

I can remember as a kid getting those pictures and cutting them apart and sharing them with all my friends and mailing them to my Grandpa in Arizona. 

When my gramps passed away I saw one of those pictures in his stuff.

I still have some of those pictures from elementary school.

I am just sitting here drinking my coffee trying to imagine my mother paying 57 dollars for school pictures.  We had four kids.

I now totally understand why my Dad wasn't always as excited as we were about some things.

I am sitting here with that same look on my face my Dad had on his 30 years ago.

The only difference is I don't have sideburns.

Talk later,

Annie