Wednesday, October 28, 2009

And the crowd goes wild!!

Everyone should have at least one time in there life when they shine like a super star.

Mine was at FFA camp in the Adirondack mountains.

This camp is the coolest place on earth. They have all kinds of great things to do, canoeing, swimming, horse riding, cross cut sawing, and they also have a class on running a chainsaw, yes I said chainsaw.

Of course I had to take that class, sounded like fun.

During the first class the instructor said "I will teach you how to run a chainsaw so anyone who wants to enter the chainsaw competition at the end of the week can. This is open to both boys and girls.

How cool.

"Of course never in the history of the camp has a girl won, but you are still invited to try".

"Good grief I thought" why hasn't a girl ever won?, what in the hell could be so hard about this?"

"Count me in", I yelled I am gonna win.

silence from the instructor

Loud laughing from the instructor.

"Whatever girlie, you can try but it's a hard thing to do"

"Whatever "I muttered back

The camp lasts for a whole week. It is just the best time in the world. For the remaining 6 days while the other girls flirted with boys, I practiced with that chainsaw. While they went to a movie, I practiced. Any free time I had, I practiced.

You had to take the chainsaw and cut on a log, once down, then up , then down again. You are timed. Looks easy. You really have to concentrate.

All I thought about was that competition, all I talked about was that competition. I really wanted to win.

Really.

On the night on the competition, all the girls had made me signs out of cardboard to root me on. It was held at night with light shining. It was the coolest thing in the world to me.

They let the boy go first who was chosen to represent them. The buzzer went off and he cut the log. I don't remember what the time was, doesn't matter. When he was done, they put the time on a big cardboard sign and all the boys cheered.

My turn, holy crap this is scary.
Start the chainsaw, the buzzer goes off, holy crap I can do this, I can do this, holy crap. I was so scared to death, holy crap.

DOWN UP DOWN

turn off the chainsaw.

It seems like eternity. When they gave the time, it was shorter than the boys. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

The crowd cheered !!!!!!!!
Everyone ran to hug me, it was unreal, I actually beat those nasty boys. The instructor walked over to me and said "I can't believe you did it, you did a hell of a job girl!!".

That was over 20 years ago and I can still feel the excitement of kicking their asses.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pointy sneakers


There has been a few times in my life when someone has told me something so profound that I have never forgot it. One of those times happened to me when I was very young. I wasn't even in school yet, I was that young.

My mom and me were out in the barn doing chores and out of the blue she said to me "Annie, don't you ever start a fight".


"How weird is this?" I thought to myself.

"Don't ever start a fight, but on the other hand don't let me ever hear that you backed down from one either, you are the oldest in this family, don't forget that".

Holy crap this was some really weird information my mom gave me. She was not the type who was full of insightful info at all. When she said something like that, I listened.


I didn't know it then, but my whole life that has been in the back of my little head. Anyone that knows me knows that I never back down from a fight or argument. This doesn't mean I always win, it just means I never back down.

I remember the first time it happened. I was on the bus, I was in Kindergarten. We were the little kindergarten kids, you know the new ones who everyone just seems they have to pick on. In those days, everyone sat on the bus wherever they could get a seat, now they put the younger kids in the front, I am sure the person who made that rule got beat up a lot in school.

I was sitting in the seat with my friend Gracie. We had these really cool plastic bookbags that were popular in the 70's. They were see thru plastic, ugly as hell, and big, real big when you are 5 .

I remember this older boy had to sit in the seat with us because obviously there were no other seats. After a few minutes, he decided that Gracies bookbag was in his way, so he kicked it. I told him to stop, but he kicked it again. In those days we really had pride in our school stuff, we were real proud of these ugly bags---real proud.

Again I told him to stop it. He was about a million years older than us and a lot bigger. Grace told me to be quiet "He will beat us up, Anne" just be quiet.


"Hell with that I thought this kid is being really mean I am not gonna back down."

I stood my ground.

One more kick to the bag.

"I said stop kicking that bookbag".

"whatcha gonna do little girlie?"

I sat there silent for a moment knowing full well this kid could kill me.

In those days we wore these little white pointy sneakers, they were real pointy, not like the sneakers of today, I mean these babies were killer pointy.

I stood up, kicked him in the leg with my pointy sneaker, took a deep breath and sat down.

"Anne he is gonna kill us".

"So?"

Grace jumped out of the seat and ran to get the bus driver.

The boy shoved me.

I kicked him again, and again


and again

The bus pulled over and the bus driver came back to see what in the hell was going on.

I was still kicking.

"O.k. Annie you can stop now", says the bus driver.

"get to the front of the bus, so and so , you have just lost your privilege to sit back here".

"Good" says the mean boy "that girl is crazy".

I sat in that seat all the way to school shaking, Grace just stared straight ahead. I never said a word the whole way.

After that Grace and I sat where we wanted to and none of the mean boys ever bothered us again.

The moral of this story: always wear your pointy sneakers, you never know when you might need them.

Monday, October 26, 2009

plan b

O.K. here is plan "B" I have contacted these two ladies to run through the parking lot naked at the Milk co-op. They said they would be happy to do it for me . Anything for a good cause you know.

I will let you know when this is going to take place.

Annie

Saturday, October 24, 2009

6 beers

If I finish this 6 pack I can probably teach you guys "Powerpoint" whatever the hell that is.

Finally!!!!!!!!

O.K. I sat down tonight with a 6 pack and told myself "self, you can do this, you can learn how to cut and paste, that Ann Phillips thinks shes so darn smart, well after 4 beers i finally got it .. Thanks to Koch's beer the following is an accomplishment , a milestone in my life!!!! Thanks Ann!!

Halloween


What in the hell has happened to Halloween? When we were kids you made your costume or you begged your mom to make you one. You worked for weeks on this costume. It was fun. Real fun. Old fashioned fun.

You didn't run to Walmart and buy one off a rack of costumes already made by some lady in Bangladesh that looks like the same costume that everyone in your class has. What the hell.

We had to actually use our imagination to "create" a costume. Usually out of a little bit of nothing.

We spray painted stuff, cut out stuff, used out Dad's old clothes, Mom's old dresses, used the sheets off the bed to make ghost costumes, blah blah blah.

We used to get into our Mom's makeup and forget to tell her we used up all her blush and accidently lost her eyeliner making cat whiskers.

The big deal was carving out a pumpkin with a real knife so your Mom and Dad actually had to "help" you. I think that was sort of the whole idea behind it actually. Now there is no creativity, no interaction with kids and parents, no planning out how you were gonna be a flower, bat, gypsy or whatever your little mind came up with.

We grew up out in the country where the houses were really spread out. I remember when we got old enough to actually trick or treat, we were able to walk to 3 houses and not "cross the road" that was way against the rules. So we walked, whether it was raining, snowing, or sunny.

We lived next door to an old timer named Ralph. He was one of our three stops. Now mind you when you only go to three houses you really are counting on these houses to have candy.

O.k., so every year our annual ritual would be to knock on Ralph's door and pray to God he got new candy. When we would see him heading for the cupboard over the fridge, we would look at each other and silently breathe deep "Crap, he didn't get any new candy this year".

He would reach into the cupboard and get down the official candy box. When you live out in the country you do not expect and trick or treaters, so you don't buy "new candy".

The "official candy box" as we would later call this box was one of those heart shaped Valentines candy boxes. He would slowly open it up and give each of us one rock hard piece of chocolate. He must have purchased this candy during the First World War for his wife. It would fall into our bags like a rock. "Hey, thanks Ralph" "Happy Halloween" we would all chime in trying not to cry or laugh at the same time.

We would trek home looking at each other not saying anything. We all knew you couldn't possibly eat this candy and in those days you did not complain about anything or you would NEVER be able to go again, so we bucked it up and shut up.

He gave us that candy every year until it ran out and eventually bought a new bag of candy corn to replace it.

When Ralph passed away I helped clean out his house. I found that old box still over the fridge, empty, but loaded with Halloween memories. I kept that box for years.


Friday, October 23, 2009

trying not to swear

The following is a Post I wrote while trying not to swear.























Thursday, October 22, 2009

another Mary quote (love that lady)


"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun".

quote from Mary Poppins.

On the board

I found out who is on the board for pricing milk. Here is their most recent photo, now I understand. Dahhhh Anne!! What were you thinking?

A bad scene

O.K. guys, I started this blog to show you all what is happening out there in the dairy industry. I read an article in the Farmshine yesterday and I don't know a darn thing about giving credit for other people's writing so I am gonna tell you this, I found this in the Farmshine October 16 edition, if that's not enough, oh well, here it goes.

This article tells about getting food overseas. If you didn't read my article on strawberries in the U.S., go to older blogs , find it , and read it. It will make you sick but oh well, it's the truth.

Ok because I am not smart enought yet to use my copy machine nor have I figured out hot to cut and paste, (by the way, thanks to my friend Ann who tried to teach me via email last night, you are a trooper).

This is the quote guys read it, I didn't write this I promise.

"As for imported dairy products form other countries besides New Zealand, Australia, and the European Union...there are food safety concerns, which cannot be ignored.

To get a dose of the concerns, just visit the FDA OASIS website and read about the imported products that have been refused, and why. From Mexico and South America, most of the refusals listed over the past year were for "filth" unsanitary processing or packaging conditions, and "bacteria". From China and India, most of the refusals were for containg "melamine," "poison" or other deleterious substance injurious to health."
check it out at http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/ImportRefusals/ir_index.cfm.
If those industry refusals, not FDA sampling refusals, what's actually getting through untested?"
And why are we importing dairy products from milk-deficit nations in the first place, when the U.S. farmers are supposedly producing too much milk?

O.K. guys that's the quote that part I did not write, obviously because there are no swear words in the article.

What this means in simple language is they are screwing the U.S. dairy farmers and buying crap from overseas where there are not strict rules as to cleanliness. I have said this before and this is an "real" article to back up my mouth!!
I think I want to buy produce with "filth" on it don't you?" Sounds delicious. Take a minute and think about my strawberry story, where in the hell are the bathrooms and running water in the strawberry fields when the produce is getting picked? Do you honestly think they have really nice bathrooms in Mexico and running hot water to wash their hand when they are picking produce or milking cows? They don't have it in half their damn houses let alone the fields, who the hell do you think you're kidding?

There you have it, I am going to apply for food stamps this week because I don't have enough money to buy food for the kids, but we are buying milk from other countries? What the hell is this all about?
They took most of the factory jobs overseas and now they are trying to get rid of the farmers and doing the same thing. I hope you all like drinking milk and eating food picked from people that don't wash their hands. Yummy sounds like a plan!! Yeah kinds makes me want to have a melon for breakfast? hmmmmm wonder who picked it before ir got to Walmart? HMMMMMM

take a minute to think about that. I know I am being a gross-out, but people really have to wake up, this is not a joke, you can laugh about it all you want, but when your kids start getting sick from this crap, don't email me about it. My milk is clean, I am inspected, I drink my own milk.

I sleep at night.

Love ya all.
Annie

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Resume

Probably wouldn't get much work done, but I bet they would be fun to have around the farm anyway.

Going to Town


When I have to take all the girls to "town" I have to plan at least an hour in advance to get the the destination. Not because it will take that long to get there mind you, just because it takes me that long to get my shit together.

O.K. here's it goes, every time, not just once in a while, every time.

"We gotta go to the store who wants to go"

"I do" they all scream running for the van.

I grab whatever I have on the counter that has to be done "in town".

I have a copy machine but have no idea how to hook it up so I make copies "in town".

I grab the papers, and go to the van.

silence for a moment.

"Where in the hell is the key?"

"Mom, it's on the top of the van so Wheezie doesn't start the van again and try to drive by herself"

"Oh yeah"

I get out and find the key.

Get back in, start van.

"Does everyone have shoes on?"

silence

"If you are shoeless you can't go into the store"

scramble scramble for shoes that have been left in the van from previous trips. Now they all have mismatched shoes on but I don't care as long as they have something covering their feet.

Put van in gear and start to pull out of driveway.

slam on breaks in driveway

"Where in the hell is my purse?"

"Mom it's on the counter, you needed to give us money for ice cream in school"
"Why didn't you grab it?"

"Mom , it's not my purse", yells out the 8 year old.

crap.

pull back up to the house, turn off van, go get purse.

Phone rings: Look at caller I.D., it's Janet, I can't just walk away, maybe she need my opinion on something important like what color to paint her kitchen.

"Hi', what's new?"

"Nothing just called to see what you are doing".

I start talking and totally forget I have 4 kids in the van.

About 15 minutes later i hear the door open.

"Mom, what are you doing?"

"Talking on the phone, why?"

"Mom, we are going to town".

"Oh yeah" I tell Janet" Ihave to go", and I will call her later.

Head toward van again with purse, buckle up 4 kids and head down road.

"Do we have the grocery list that was hanging on the refrigerator?"

"NO, Mom, it's still on the fridge"

slam on breaks, turn around, get list.

Phone rings again: bill collector: don't answer that call don't have any money anyway.

Grab list off fridge and dash for the van.

As I pull out of the driveway I can see Tim headed our way.

Crap

"Can you grab some gas, oil, copenhagen, and a filter for the skid loader?

For God's sake.

"Yes, dear" I reply trying not to bite my lip off.
I pull back into the driveway, grab the gas cans, the old filter from the skid loader so I can show my friends at NAPA what in the hell I want and head down the road.

I get almost to the corner and remember that I forgot my coffee in the microwave, some people smoke, I drink coffee while I drive.

I turn the van around, pull back in the driveway, run in the house turn the microwave back on, while I do that I go back out to the van and gather up the 200 coffee mugs I have left in the windshield and on the floor of the van.

Ding, coffee is hot now.

Grab Coffee, head down road, hit the gas and round the corner.

I look at the clock in the van, and add and hour onto the time because I have no idea how to change the time so we never know what time it really is, and say "We are right on schedule girls, let's go".







Sunday, October 18, 2009

The time

I think the time that Blogger puts on here must be in some other state or other world, I don't write at 3 in the morning, its more like 5 so maybe it's in California?

Or Mexico?

Willie

"Once you start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, you will start having positive results"

quote from Willie Nelson

Kermit the Frog

I said Clint Black not Kermit the Frog !!

Job listing

Herdsman wanted: on small dairy farm , must look like Clint Black, no experience necessary. Will train , send resumes to Annie.

Orange Juice

Hello everyone, I am back!!!

I am learning alot about computers these days.

Rule number 1: Don't let your kids drink orange juice around your computer. My 4 year old had a meltdown 2 days ago and dumped orange juice on my keyboard. This, my friends immediately ruins your keyboard just for future reference. Now I have a big sign hanging above the computer that reads "No food or drinks around the computer or I will kill you."

Maybe that's too harsh? Nah I will leave it up there for a couple of days to get my point across.

I got a wonderful email from a friend who said I could put the keyboard in the dishwasher, (if only the freaking dishwasher worked).

crap

Ok I got calls like this one "Walmart sells them for only 10 bucks, they're cheap!"

Awesome, if I only had ten bucks.

I had to pick up my daughter from girl scouts yesterday and on the way home I saw a sign that read "Rummage Sale today, bag sale at noon". For those of you who don't know what in the hell that means, churches have rummage sales to raise money and people donate all their old crap that they have bought from other rummage sales and never used and donate it back to another church.

I can't pass up a good bag sale, I mean NEVER, so I whipped in. For a dollar you can fill up a whole bag with crap you will never use.

I bought 3 bags and let the girls fill them up with toys and shiny girl things. I thought to myself "just maybe they will have a keyboard."

We "Rummaged" for about a half an hour finding all sorts of crap we don't need and probably will never use and headed toward the door.

"Glad to see you found some useful stuff", the little old lady said to me. She was sitting next to a little old man, these sales are usually run by little old ladies who love to give away stuff.

"Yeah thanks, I got some great stuff, I was looking for a keyboard for my computer , but I see you don't have one, that's o.k. we had fun anyway".

"Did you say Keyboard". says the little old man turning up his miracle ear hearing aid.

"yeah, mine got in a fight with orange juice".

"Hang on missy, the church computer died about a year ago, and i saved the keyboard and the little mousey thing, you can have them if you want, I will even carry out all that stuff you just bought here if you just TAKE them.

""Oh, I can't believe you , have one, thanks so much , how much do you want for it? I replied.

"Not a darn penny missy, I am just happy to see it getting used."
"Maybe you could try to go to church tomarrow that's all I ask.

crap

"O.k., it's a deal".

He helped me load up out loot and we were off.

Today is Sunday and yes, I am gonna go to church with the kids, won't kill me I guess. I actually like, it I just get too busy for it sometimes.

I think sometimes little things like that happen to you to remind you to slow down and just go to church, you won't die from it, although sometimes I get a little concerned about the darn place getting hit a lightening when i walk in there.




Thursday, October 15, 2009

This is for Becky!!!! put this in your chicken's pen!!

News Flash

O.K. Dave thanks for the email regarding proofreading

So that's what those red lines under the words are for?

Oh my God, she really is that stupid.

My coveralls


Yesterday it was cold, I mean really cold. Here in Ashville it is at least a million degrees colder than any other part of the state.

I work outside obviously all day so i wear outside clothes. I have a pair of green coveralls i wear. They are lined and very warm, I think they are from Mr. Greenjean's estate sale. If you don't know who Mr. Greenjeans is, you won't ever understand this blog so you might as well go watch Kate with 8 right now.

I couldn't find them yesterday. I pack them away very carefully every year so I can find them, you know I pack them away "Annie" style. I throw them somewhere and hope like hell i can find them next year.

After about a half an hour of looking for these precious beauties i finally asked my kids. "Hey you guys, has anyone seen my coveralls?"

"Yeah Ma, don't you remember we needed something to use for the stuffed scarecrow we made last week, we used those old ugly coveralls, worked great, they are out on the lawn stuffed with old rotten hay".

I hung my head down, walked out , shook the hay out of my coveralls and threw them in the washer.

I had visions of what i must look like. "Scarecrow?" like the Wizard of Oz for God's sake? Do I look like that?

Maybe more like Mr Greenjeans in a Scarecrow contest?

Mary Poppins


"I am practically perfect in every way"Quote from Mary Poppins.

The Bar

A few years ago we rented a really nice farm in Dewittville, New York. I was in charge of feeding the calves. We lived in a mobile home on the property and the calves were housed in a nice greenhouse barn about 15 feet from the mobile home. I had made a doctor's appointment for one of the kids so they could have a doctor in the new town. Now it's not like when we were kids, you don't go to the doctor when you are sick you have to go just to "sign up" and be a patient. That never made sense to me but hey what the heck.

One day I was outside in the calf barn feeding calves and practicing posing like a Dixie Chick while no one was looking, when I could see a car coming up the road with flashing lights on . Hmmmm" maybe it's the Mayville police welcoming us to the neighborhood?" "Must be nice folks here" I thought.

I looked up to see a very handsome YOUNG policeman parked in front of the calf barn. He got out of his car and certainly wasn't smiling nor did he have a basket full of fruit to welcome me to town.

crap

"Have you been drinking?" He says to me in the usually policey stern voice that i have heard sooo many times before in my much younger, youthful days.

"Not in about 8 years Sir" "Why?"

He didn't say anything so I thought I better think quick. He sure looked young what is that with the police now. They are not very scarey when they are younger than your own kids.

Being my usual smart-ass self I decided to answer him with an answer just about as stupid as the question he just asked me.

"Hey, if this is your way of asking me out, it only takes me about an hour to feed these calves and I might be able to get a babysitter".

"Real funny lady" no smile nada.

crap

"Where are your kids?"

"In the trailer watching Spomge Bob square pants i guess" I answered.

I took him over to the large window and you could see all my lovely children huddled around the tv watching Sponge Bob.

"Oh so you haven't been out drinking?"

"No".

"O.k." "What's your beef pal" I asked,wanting to know where in the hell we were going with all this. I had to feed calves, it was getting dark and obviously he didn't want to take me out for drinks so I was getting bored with the whole fiasco.

"Well ma'am, it seems as though the secretary from Dr. Burke's office called to make sure you would make the doctor's appointment you had scheduled, and one of your girls answered the phone."

"So the hell what?" was my answer, throwing hay over the calf fence.

"Well it seems there is a little misunderstanding"

"The secretary asked if you were home and your daughter said "No"

she then proceeded to ask your daughter where you were and she said "The Bar"

"Oh you idiot, she said Barn, not Bar." I replied.

"Then the secretary asked when you would be back from the bar and your daughter replied "In about 8 hours i guess"
"Are you home alone"
"yeah we are all home alone watching Sponge Bob"

click.

The police officer actually started laughing. They are trained in police school never to laugh. Makes them look too human.

"O.k lady i gotta go sorry to bother you".

"Hey!" I yelled, "It really only takes about an hour to finish these chores if you want to find a "Bar" in this town.

He probably thought i was some sort of weirdo, for God's sake the kid was younger than my oldest son.

Oh well at least I got to talk to someone.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

cakes or cup cakes


I love when people make cakes that represent what they do or stuff they like. It's usually for their kids. I am always totally amazed at the people who actually have time to make those cakes that you frost with tiny little dots. Like a million tiny dots makes the cake. I couldn't concentrate long enough to decorate a cupcake in that fashion let alone a whole cake!!
My hats off to all you gals and men too , that were born with the "focus" gene in them . A big standing ovation to them all, i have no idea how you could stand in one place and put dots on a cake. Looks cool, I am impressed with all of you.


Another Chicki Licks story

Ok while i am on the Dixie Chicks, i have to tell you about my father in law, he is a hoot and a half.

We were out one night with him, there was 3 of us girls and him. None of us even resembles the Dixie Chicks but everyone has a right to have a dream now, don't we.

After about a million beers he yells over the the bar tender"Hey pal, do ya got The Chicki Licks on that thar juke box?"

"Lar, it's the Dixie Chicks"

"Whatever" do ya got em?"
"Suppose so"
This was along time ago, way before Kareoke.I guess i can gauge the years because I must not have had my second batch of kids yet. Since their birth ,I haven"t seen the inside of a bar.

Of course we all got up to the bar and had to sing that song about the dead guy. Funny to some, not so funny to others, you know "The Earl" song.

"Good imagination ladies", I heard someone say"
"Hey that's the girl from the auction barn", I heard another one say, she REALLY can hold a calf up in her arms, "

"Stay away from her !"I heard another one say "Anyone that can really hold up a calf like that picture over at Fosses is not someone you want to marry.

Geez guys you are no fun.

The Chicki Licks

I just love this picture of the Dixie Chicks. At Fosses auction barn this picture used to hang in the office.
One day I was there bringing in some calves and one of the guys yells over "Hey there's Annie let's see if she can DO IT!!"

"Do what?" I said.

Hold a calf like that Dixie Chicks lady on that thar poster. "My brother in law probably had a 20 dollar bet on the whole thing cause he knows it would not be a big deal for me to do this. I grabbed a calf, tried to look like a gorgeous "Dixie Chick", put the calf down, and walked away.

"Told ya she could do it" I heard.

"Yeah, that's not fair you picked, Annie, "


CLick on this to make bigger, THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Devil

In honor of Halloween, i was looking for a devil picture and came across the funniest picture, it was on a blog and the gal gave me permission to use it. Who in their right mind would put this sign on their front lawn, yeah, sure I would love to go to their church, bet they are ALOT of fun. Wonder what their VBS (vacation bible school) is like? Do THEY have AWANA. How about bible school what kind of crafts do you think they make?
If you click on the photo it will get alot bigger and you can read the sign.

EEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a neat Halloween Ad

Got Milk? Got Money?


I got some emails and phone calls telling me i should explain the price of milk and how we are we are paid for it.

I have no idea who in the hell sets the price, but it sure as hell isn't a dairy farmer i can tell you that right now.

I am hearing farmers out there saying they are getting any where from 9 dollars to 12 dollars for their milk. This means 9 dollars for 100 pounds of milk

NOT 9 dollars for a GALLON of milk

I also am told my my colleagues, many of them are alot smarter than I am, that is cost any where from 16 dollars to 19 dollars per hundred weight to make the milk.


Ok Mr Kayes take me back to Business Class at Springville G.I.

Where in the hell is the profit out of that? O.K. yeah i didn't always pay attention is business class, was usually too busy talking, but for some reason farms are going out of business left and right. In Colorado last month 6 large farms went out and filed total bankruptcy and these are very large farms with 2000 cows a piece.

I am sure Mr Kayes and I could see eye to eye on this subject. Maybe i should take my checkbook to out old High School and plop it down on the teacher's desk and bring in my wheelbarrow full of bills and tell him "Hey, balance this checkbook, oh yeah and pay all these bills before you do it."

For one thing I would get tossed out cause wheelbarrows arent allowed in school, and they wouldn't be able to do it. So why the hell are we supposed to have to do it?

Common sense tells me:::::last year at this time we were getting around 100 dollars for a bull calf. We don't raise the bulls only the heifers. Now we get about 5 bucks for them. This is the money alot of Dairy wives use to buy groceries with. What in the hell can you buy with 5 bucks? I never go out to dinner, but I am told veal is pretty pricey in a restaurant. How many of those veal dinners do they get out of a calf?

Who the hell is kidding who people?

You mean to tell me no one is drinking milk or eating meat anymore? The school doesn't serve milk with their lunches? No one eats ice cream, yogurt, uses cottage cheese or any dairy products? Not a damn soul put butter on anything?

OH BULLSHIT

I know, I know , my mouth.
Oh Well.
"Don't rock the boat , Anne".
"Don't make waves, Anne"

Well I am not rocking the boat people, This Boat is sinking along with alot of other farm "boats".

This is a very serious situation out there. I try to be funny and write funny stuff on here. I started this blog to show people how a farmer lives from day to day, I hope i don't have to write it from a cardboard box or a homeless shelter for God's sake.

I have no idea yet how to "cut and paste" but when i do, watch out, I am trying to hook my printer up that was donated to me by a dear friend. When i do I will put some shit on here to back up my mouth just like I did when i went back and put the tattoo picture of my daughters foot on here (By the way, yes it's the top of her foot Becky) very funny email you silly girl!!

OK enough cranky talk, just wanted you all to know something has to be done and i mean NOW. If people want to buy all their food from other countries i guess thats fine with me. When everyone is sick from buying something that wasn't clean don't come crying to me. "Oh Anne"
Oh, i guess no one read what happend with the baby formula in China? Oh that's ok don't read that stuff just go straight to "Kate and 8" now that's so much more important. When her kids get sick from foreign food on that stupid show, then people might wake up.

enough said.

xoxoxo
Annie


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Kermit

OK lets keep this a family show!!!!

This one's for Becky!!!!

I make it a point to NEVER discriminate against race, creed or religious beliefs, political views, etc. Gotta be politically correct, whats good for the goose is good for the gander , you know all that stuff!! This is America for God's sake, gotta throw in a "manly" ad for the gals.

This is my idea of what a "herdsman" should look like.
Olde Mc donald had a farm e i e i o

and every day the bank called him and said

" U O U O U O "

holding your attention or this one's for Sam

I am very busy this morning and will not be able to write in the blog until later. I hate reading blogs that never update every day. You have to hold peoples attention. sooooooooooo.......... i had an idea.
Saw this on the back of a magazine in the Walmart yesterday.

"Holy crap who the hell is that?" i said when i flipped over the latest gossip magazine i was trying to read about those idiot with that reality show about having 8 kids and acting like jerks while doing it.

"Thats that Heidi lady a man hollered to me".

Holy crap i thought thats the ticket, wow, put that picture on your blog that will certainly hold the male followers attention.

So guys, here it is, I am working on making this costume for Halloween for myself. I am having a hell of a time finding the shoes in 8 wide.

More updates later

xoxoxoxo
Annie
PS Happy Halloween
wink wink

Monday, October 12, 2009

Clown-bus day


Every day on a dairy farm is pretty much the same. Get up, work, eat lunch, work, get kids off bus, work, you get the picture.
So, holidays are different here than in a "normal" house. I usually have no idea what day it is except for Sundays because my pastor's wife takes my kids to church because i can't make it because i have to "milk the cows". We milk twice a day every day weather Santa Claus is on his way or not.

Being the world's worst mom i make it a point to never read those letters that teachers send home in backpacks and certainly never write things down on the huge calendar i bought last year at Walmart to keep my self informed of goings on in the outside world.
I have been known to make my kids get up on holidays like Columbus day, Martin Luther King day, the first day we really have off Christmas vacation , stuff like that. Of course i dress them up and send them outside to wait for the bus. Ususally after about an hour of waiting for the bus they come back in the house. "Mom, I don't think there is school today".

"What in the heck is wrong with you, get back out there of course there is school, i didnt get a note about it or anything, it's not Christmas yet, just get back out there".

After about another half an hour i start thinking "Hmmm maybe there really is no school?
ok call a friend, thats easy enough, if only i would have written down their phone numbers on real paper instead of paper napkins and then throwing the napkin in the garbage after cleaning up puke or dog pee.

Usually one of the neighbors will be driving by and either stop or call.
"Anne i don't mean to be nosey, but why are your kids standing out at the end of the road, don't you know its Columbus Day?"
"What day"?
"COLUMBUS" Day you know the boat , Columbus, Anne.
Oh crap the kids were right. This happens every time we have a snow day. I have no radio, tv connection, or any communication with the outside world except for the computer and telephone. I guess the boat at the top of the AOL screen should have given me a clue.

It snows here every day and it snows alot here every day so how in the hell would I gauge a real snow day?
This morning i called the kids back into the house, took off their coats and went to the barn.
The last thing i heard my 4 year old whispering to the 8 year old "I told mom it was Clown-bus day she never listens to me".

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Heaven


My kids go to church every Sunday and often ask me "what do you think it's like in heaven, mom?"
"Oh i don't know, is my usual reply never put much thought to it i guess.

I was feeding calves this morning and came up with my rendition of what heaven is like.

First of all, there are no cows or money issues in heaven i have had enough of both to last me a lifetime.

ok when you get there it looks like a giant tiki bar or the inside of the Chaffee Hotel. You go in and you don't do anything all day except smoke brand name Marlboro cigarettes and never cough. All your friends and family that you liked (not the ones you didn't like) are there with you. They are all healthy, not sick, not old, but healthy. They all look great. You get to pick the day in your life that you looked the best and that's what you look like everyday.

Everyone is the same "color" in heaven. I dont mean all white or all black just the same color. maybe no color. There is no discrimination in heaven everyone gets along.
There is no language barrier when you speak English to a Spanish speaking person it is automatically translated.

You sit around watching Disney movies on a large screen TV while good looking Mexican guys in white muscle shirts serve Captain Morgan and brand name Coke to you. You get little umbrellas in every drink.
When you get bored of that you can walk into the other room where kareoke is played all the time not just at weddings and parties. YOU get to pick what song to sing to and you sound good singing it.
Willie Nelson is there as is Patsi Cline and Johnny Cash. They all look good asking "has anyone seen Waylon Jennings ?i know he's here somewhere".
John Candy is having coffee with Gilda Radner.
John Denver is there singing "Thank God I'm a country boy" and never gets his pilots license.

Scott Shrader is sitting at the end of the bar doing his best"Norm" imitation.
You get to wear whatever you want, sparkle dresses,shorts,jeans whatever you want and no one judges you. It's ok to wear flip flops with a snowmobile suit in heaven.
There are no bill collectors in heaven as they now work for the devil. There are no mean people in heaven as they are still on earth working for the banks, the post office and the IRS, the workers compensation board, immigration, The DMV, etc.
There are no divorce court judges there, no attorneys, no child suppport magistrates.

George Reynolds is NOT mad at me for leaving the key on in his riding lawnmower.
My grandfather is there watching the baseball game, eating vanilla ice cream and drinking tea while my grandma crochets.
My uncle Harold is out back at the bar-b-que pit roasting up chicken barbques and serving free ice cream while my mom and Aunt Marium make cheese cake, kuchen , and koolaid in tupper ware cups.


this, my friends is my rendition of heaven take it for what its worth.







Coal miners Daughter

"There's only three things to do in Kentucky, Loretta, coal minin', moon shinin' or movin' on down the line"
quote from Doolittle Lynn talking to Loretta Lynn in Coal Miners Daughter

Annie the chicken rancher

One day Tim says "Why don't ya raise some chickens we really have to become more self sufficient. You know, raise all our own food, times are tough."

I glanced out the window at the huge area in the front of the old barn that was supposed to be my "Garden". It had the tallest weeds in Ashville, clear over the kids heads. I never had time to even pick the junk out of it let alone actually plant something there.

"Ok hon, yeah , sure, i will start right now."

"The feedmill has chicks for sale why don't ya buy a bunch, Dad always gets a bunch, does real well with them ya know". His dad doesn't have 4 kids and 100 cows to milk, but ok what the hell.

I called the feedmill,"I need some chicks".

"Blonde or redhead was the reply"

"Oh God he's trying to be funny I thought"

"Just chickens you know, chickens."
"Ok maam we can order you some, what kind? "The kind with feathers that lay eggs i guess?" I replied.
"I said what kind?"
"Hell if i know, pal just order me some chickens, i am sure i am on speaker phone when i call there, they know i am not the brightest bulb in the socket when it comes to ordering crap from the feedmill I NEVER order the right stuff NEVER.

"Do ya want them sexed".

"oh real funny, no i just want some chickens"

"No, Anne let me explain, they are 3 dollars a piece if they are sexed, that means they are definately"hens" "you know female chickens" are ya with me so far"?

"Yeah i said whispering"

"they are only a dollar if you get them "mixed" that means they will be a mixture of both, male and female, now take in mind the males don't lay eggs".

"If the males don't lay eggs what in the hell do they do" I inquired.

"They
will breed with the hens and then the eggs will become fertile and you can hatch them, Anne."
"I don't want to hatch them , I want to eat them".
"Then you don't want roosters, you want all hens". "oh yeah they crow in the morning too, sweetest sound a farmer can hear".
"I think 3 dollars for a tiny baby chick is way too much, send me 50 of the mixed i will take my chances". click.
I am washing dishes and Tim walks in "Did you order the chicks"
"yeah, why?"
"oh great you got them all sexed? right?"
"no, that's crazy!"
"Oh Anne you will be sorry"
"You think you know everything I said" whats a couple of roosters we need something out there crowing in the morning it will sound like Charlotte's Web."
Tim just put his head down, shaking it and went back outside.

Fast forward: I got my chicks, real cute little buggers, I put them under a heat lamp , made a cage the whole nine yards, I only lost one I was so happy with myself every day feeding and watering them. I would see Tim sneak down there looking at them quietly shaking his head.
"Anne, i think you have quite a few roosters he would say"
"Nah you cant tell, yet some are just "you know, Different".
"Anne , I hate to tell you this but "different in the chicken world means they are roosters".
"Oh you think you know everything. I said"
fast forward:I got up one morning and it happened "er erer" thats my version of cockadoodle doo. "er erer" .
"Oh, my gosh we have 1 rooster thats great i ran out in to see this bird crowing "How cool is that"!!
out of the corner of my eye i could see Tim walking to the barn shaking his head. "Don't you never mind him, i whispered to the birds, he thinks he knows everything."
MAJOR fast forward: every morning i would hear one more bird crowing then 2 more then it sounded like the nuclear fallout bomb alert of the chicken world out there. Hmmmm must be i have a few more roosters than i thought. I wonder when the chickens will start laying eggs?
well out of 50 birds i had35 roosters yes that is not a typo 35. The chickens were not laying any eggs and it was so noisy here you couldn't hear yourself think.
I called Tim's dad. "Dad what in the hell am i doing wrong? the birds aren't laying any eggs?
"Are ya giving them laying mash for feed Annie? did you take out all those roosters?"
"Umm no"
"Anne those ladies are not gonna lay eggs if they are being chased around by a million guy roosters it would be like going to the Marilla Grill, but not just on friday night, every night. and you have to feed them laying mash, they need that protein."

crap

I made some phone calls seems there is this guy that buys roosters to eat them. I can make my money back my selling them. I boxed all of them up and my friend picked them up for delivery. "Got 50 cent s piece for them for ya, that's a great deal"
"What!!, I paid a buck for them and feed them for MONTHS!"
"oh well that's life in the chicken" world he said.
what the hell is the "chicken "world anyway I muttered under my breath.
I ordered laying mash so the chickens that stayed behind actually started laying so we were getting eggs. Yahoo this is great.
Then the price of milk fell, and it fell hard. I had absolutely no money to buy laying mash . None. so i started to feed them cornmeal from the cow bin.
No eggs
then they went into a molt and all their feathers fell out

No eggs.

Every day Tim walks by my little chicken coop shaking his head and i still whisper "pay no attention to him ladies he doesn't know a damn thing about chickens".

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I had to get my computer fixed yesterday i am glad to get so many emails from people who wanted to know where the blog was yahoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

someone is actually reading it.

I had 1300 viruses on my computer I guess i betters figure out how to use a computer.

Contrary to popular belief ,the government did not kick my blog off the internet for talking about nuns and swearing too much.

No, I did not quit doing the blog as my ex-husband would tell you. No, I am not bi-polar and slipped into a temporary depression. I am too busy for that crap.

Simply my computer was getting "looked" at.
Talk later

Annie

Cheech and Walt Disney

I really want to know how in the hell Cheech Marin got a job working for Walt Disney?

Tillie

"Always put your red lipstick on when you go to town, Annie." quote from my Aunt Tillie.

Friday, October 9, 2009

rain

It has rained every day here this year. I mean Every DAY!

We are planning on growing rice next year for the cows. I guess in China rice grows in these weird fields that are totally consumed in water.
I get enough rice at the food pantry to plant next years harvest and then some. Does it cross pollinate with itself?

Another phone call


A friend of mine called from Horse Heads New York yesterday. He also has a dairy farm and he calls about once every three months. He is British and speaks with one of those cool British accents.

"Hello Anne how have you been"

"good Robert how about you?"

"good, Anne"

"What have you been up to?'
I replied
"Nothing"
"Where do you go?"
"Nowhere"
"Who do you see?"
"No one".

"Anne that is not very bloody healthy you know"

They say bloody alot, I have no idea why.

"I am writing a blog Robert"
"A what?"
"a blog"
long pause
"You better get a life girl, you are gonna go crazy living out there in the middle of nowhere, not seeing anyone, not doing anything."
"I will call you in a few months" "Miss ya, "
click.

He is right I probably am going crazy living here in the middle of nowhere. It is really not me at all. I am a people person a talker not a loner.
Maybe i will have to venture into Lakewood tomarrow for supplies -you know (hamhocks and guitar strings), stop by and visit with Aunt Bea and have a cup of coffee with Gomer Pyle.
What is he so worried about, I have plenty of people to see out here.
gotta go.

Does anyone know where I put my lithium?

The Tattoo


I really don't like tattoos i think i am the only living person without one. That's ok. When i see old men with black sploches on their arms that were once "tattoos" i think "Now that's cool"

NOT

The other day i saw a picture that my daughter took it was of someones foot with a tattoo that said Mama. I looked closer and my God it was HER foot, not just any old foot but HER foot. I immediately called Janler on the phone.

"i just saw the coolest thing in the whole world" I told her.

"Oh yeah, what now Anne?"
"My daughter has a tattoo"

"You hate tattoos"

"Yeah i do but this one says "Mama".

Long pause
"So"
"What do ya mean? So? Can you hear me it says "Mama"
"Anne you hate tattoos, I think the bird is loose again i gotta go".

I sat there silently for a minute just the fact that she would put Mama on anything thrilled me.
I called her on the phone
"So, ummm well when did you get a tattoo?"
"Don't have any ma"

silence
"I saw a picture of your foot with a mama tattoo on it."
"Oh Ma that was just a magic marker you are so weird".

hang up .
Well for just a fleeting moment i was in my Mama glory thinking that my kid got a tattoo with "Mama" on it.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

money

"People's true colors start to show when you take the money away"
quote from one dairy farmer to another.

phone calls from home

Tim's brother called today. "hey did you know mr so and so is selling his cows next month?"

"No i didn't" i replied "how many does he milk?

"200"

"holy crap why is he selling out?"

"can't make ends meet" "his farm is paid off and he still can't cash flow it. "

"That's too bad Jim."

"yeah it's a real shame"

"How are the kids?"
"good"
"Ok i will talk to ya tomarrow."
Love ya,
Anne

A great idea


My mom called the other day and we were talking about the price of milk. "It's practically illegal what they are doing", she said "paying you guys prices from 20 years ago for your milk, Anne you have to do something about it!!"
"Get yourself in the paper somehow girl- front page preferably don't go down quietly". hang up --silence.

HMMMmmmmm
I thought about this for a couple of days.

Tim was reading his stupid news on the computer and he always yells over to me when i am making supper "Hey look at this " It's usually something i really couldn't give a rats ass about so i try to look interested. "Oh yeah hon, that's very interesting" is my usual reply. I never even look at the screen.

But this time something caught my eye. Naked people. " Holy crap what is that?" I said . "Oh those crazy PETA people protesting against fur coats. They had a demonstration the other day and they all walked down the street naked to protest fur. I tried to see the screen now. Hmmmmm interested i said to myself very interesting.
The next day i called one of my fellow female dairy producers "Hey Val, I got a great idea , saw it on the computer last night"
"Oh yeah Anne, what now?"
"Well these PETA girls were protesting fur coats and they walked down the street naked, i think we can do it to protest the price of milk. We can go to the Milk CO-OP tomarrow and run around the parking lot naked with signs around our necks."
OH my God Anne have you seen those women ?" was her reply.
"yeah i guess so , why"
For crying out loud Anne they look like Cindy Crawford of course they are getting attention.
"You mean i dont look like Cindy Crawford"?

long pause

"No, Anne you don't"

"Really?"

short pause
"no, really"
"what if i draw a mole on my face?
"not gonna work"
"Anne to be honest with you instead of looking like Cindy Crawford and Julia Roberts we would look more like Rosanne Barr and Rosie O'Donnell."
"Hey i gotta go there is a cow in the road"

crap
double crap

I will have to find another plan

embed

I wanted to put videos on here to liven things up a bit but sure as hell didnt know how to do that. So yesterday i set out on a mission. I WILL put a video on here if it kills me.

Ok call my sister "Why do you keep bothering me, i dont know how the hell to do that was her reply".

crap

Call Janler "I am sure there is a way, i can't talk, my dad is still in the hospital".

crap

Ok ask Bill omg yeah Bill. he has a blog with a video you idiot.
phone call "Bill how do you put videos on my blog"
"Use the embed feature Anne i gotta go makin' porkchops you know. Click.
crap
I hate when they tell you stuff and dont actually walk you thru the process like in Walmart when you need fluffernutter and you want them to walk to directly to it and literally purchase it for you.

So i go to Youtube and carefully study this process. After about a half an hour of choking back tears i found it . On the right you idiot. I am sure my guardian angels are somewhere out there saying "I really don't know if it's an act or not" "Maybe she really is this stupid"?
Well after copy, paste, right click, crap left click, crap what in the hell did Janler say click paste copy. crap. omg its there in the white box. Yahoo!!!!!!!
ok now do it again click copy, paste crap do it again where did it go.

OMG there it is holy crap Anne you did it wow.
The angels are somewhere shaking their heads "We have alot of work to do on this one , ALOT of work.

BRB


I was talking to my daughter on the computer the other day she lives with my ex husband. She is my oldest and we talk alot thru IM.

We were talking about her day and she types BRB.

"Is is cold there?" i reply

no reply

"HEY girlfriend is it cold there?' i type again

no reply
how rude

about 3 minutes later i start getting messages again.
"Where have you been? is it cold there?"
"Why mom" "Why would it be cold here" "You are so weird"!
I sat there . ok Anne something is missing here.
"You typed BRB" are you cold?
"OMG MOM YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO LAME
BRB means you will be right back not BRRRRRRRRRRRR i am cold.

"Mom if you are gonna keep using a computer maybe you should learn how to talk on one.

Love ya,
Karen
xoxoxoxoxo

"talk to the hand girlfriend "was my last reply before signing off

Anne on giving

After my short stint at Salvation Army i ran to my favorite thrift store right down the street. Luckily they were just putting out the winter stuff. We are very hard on clothes out here on the farm so i have to have tons of winter stuff. Tons.

I had twenty bucks in my pocket and was able to get 1 snowsuit three pairs of snowpants 4 dresses some more mittens and 1 doll. It only came to 15 bucks what a steal.

There was a lady in line ahead of me that was wearing scrubs so i could see she must have actually had a "job". She was talking about some baby shower and buying all the little baby clothes and even grabbed herself a cool dress to wear to the shower.

When we got to the counter her bill came to $20.45. She pulled out the twenty and started to look for the .45. "oh shoot I must have taken my change out of my purse, I will have to put something back".
"here's 45 cents dont put anything back, thats silly," I said handing her two quarters.
The lady at the register just looked at me.

"You dont even know me"

"So"

"Why would you give me 45 cents?"

"dont know"

"Well thanks alot i really appreciate it wow!"
she packed her stuff up and walked out with a smile.
The lady at the register says "people never do that you know"
"oh well, i do it all the time what's the big deal?"
"You must have alot of money" she says.
"Oh yeah i have tons of money, for crying out loud i only gave her 45 cents get a grip."
I walked to the car also with a smile on my face. I was told once in order to receive things you have to give things and this has been my motto my whole life. If your hand is open to give then it will be open to receive (I think i learned that from pastor) believe me i sure didnt think of it myself.
when i got home i was just walking in the door and the phone rang, it was my girlfriend who is a nurses aid at the hospital here. "Hey Anne do you need some sneakers size 8?"
"Yes silly you know i always need sneakers"
"OK i will being them over in a bit" hang up. click.
about an hour later she shows up with a garbage bag.
"What in the hell is in that bag" i ask her.
"The sneakers you wanted"

In this garbage bag were 10 pairs of sneakers all practically brand new. size 8. They had cleaned out the lockers at the hospital and collected all the shoes the girls that the nurses had left there over the past year. When people quit many times they just leave their shoes behind. They had a big box of them so she grabbed all the 8's for me.

Pretty good deal for 45 cents, huh?

Old People

I went to Jamestown yesterday, it's a cool place they have the Lucy Ball museum there. Yepper Lucy was born here. Yes we have a museum. Never been there probably cost money to go there but they sure have some awesome paintings on the building of her and ol" Dezzi.

I went to the Salvation Army to apply for the Christmas giveaway for my kids this year. Before i became self employed and certainly before the price of milk went to 10 dollars i would never have thought of going there but with no money I think it's a good idea this year.

I was waiting in line and there was this nice lady sitting at the desk with a smile so i knew she must have been a "cool" old lady not a "cranky" old lady. I was getting bored not talking to anyone so i asked her "Are they giving away those awesome hand knitted mittens this year?" the woman began to smile i could tell she knew what i was talking about. "You know, the ones that the OLD ladies make in the nursing home and donate here?"

Her smile immediately went to and old lady frown. "Crap" I thought i just screwed up, no mittens for Anne this year, crap.

"I will have you know I am the old lady who makes and donates those mittens and i am certainly NOT in a nursing home".
CRAP, double CRAP
ok Anne find the nearest exit and run like hell.

"Oh, i didnt really mean it in a nasty way i just thought thats where they came from" i said sort of whispering now. I have the attention of everyone in line now . Crap double crap.

I am 44 and i still have little kids unlike most normal people. I have 7 kids to be exact ranging from 22 to 3. I just happened to have the 3 year old with me because she does not go to school yet.

"Is that your daughter with you or your grand-daughter?" she smiles after she says this.

Now they are all laughing.

This old lady is really funny OMG shes NOT mad at me.

She gets up form her chair and goes to the secret cabinet where they keep those mittens and gets my daughter not only the mittens but a set of mittens, scarf,and hat.
"You are only as old as you want to be my dear".
"Thanks"
"You are very welcome".

"Don't change your husband, change you curtains, you CAN change your curtains you CAN"T change your husband".

quote from my grandma when i was a little dumb kid

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

"If you like what you do for a living, you will never have to work a day in your life."
Quote from some old guy i met once.

Best Friends

I got a nasty call yesterday from someone who must have read this. Holy crap I thought "YAHOO if they are making nasty comments then they are at least reading this !!!"
My friend Grace calls to tell me she is my "best friend" and i am saying that another individual is my "best friend". cool, no lawsuits no calls from the church saying the kids can't go there any more just Grace as usual my vocal Grace.

I think we all have best friends in different points of our lives. Grace and i have been friends since we were five so i have dubbed her my bestest oldest friend she's not the "oldest" but in my simple mind she's the "oldest" are ya with me so far?

I have another friend who is my bestest phone talker friend. She used to date my ex brother in law and i was married at the time. We both woke up eventually and realized these guys were a little strange. I got divorced she moved on. But through it all WE still remained friends. We call each other at least once if not 10 times a day for the past 15 years i think. We tried to figure out the time frame but things get fuzzy somewhere in between living in the trailer park and moving cows a million times. We both have moved a bunch and have changed phone numbers. The first thing we both do is make sure we have unlimited long distance where ever we live. "What in the hell do you talk about" you might ask.

Just crap

Crap like husbands, kids, dogs, death,food,cows(not much cow talk),crafts,that universe stuff, painting cabinets, repainting cabinets, you know important stuff.

Tim has gotten used to it down thru the years. Doesn't even raise an eyebrow anymore to a quick call "Hey what ya doin"? Silence on the other end. "What did Janler want?" "I don't know"
"What in the hell did she say" "
"Nothing"
"Why not"
"Don't know"
later i get another call "how's it going? sorry i had to hang up i couldnt find my bird he flew out of his cage whew that was a close call."

"Cool" "Hey the kids are quiet let me call you back" slam down phone.

Tim just sits there now reading his newspaper with his broken dollar store glasses. Never raises an eyebrow Never asks what we are talking about. He has gotten used to it.

I hope i can save up enough money for my retirement in Jenny B. to have a phone with long distance.

Life in the Bat Cave

Tim and i had good jobs working on a large dairy farm. I milked about 450 cows there he managed the place. Good pay good benefits the whole nine yards. Then one day he had this great idea of getting out own farm. All i have to say is "Don't try this at home".

I must admit it has been alot of fun along the way but i really dont know if i would have done it if i knew what I was getting myself into.

We found a farm to rent in Attica New York not too far from the prison, i thought i could get the inmates to paint the barn (wrong). The barn and house needed a ton of work and i mean a ton. So we loaded up our 40 cows and moved to the big town of Attica. There is not much in Attica except the prison and the police department.

We proceeded to fix the barn which took a ton of money we went about a billion dollars over budget and decided to move into the house that was on the property. No one had lived there in years and it was made totally of stone. All the stones were from the property we would later learn. It seemed like alot of fun---milking cows, running through the fields of clover, fixing up the house, oh this would be a wonderful life.

Chapter two. There was no heat in house and it was made out of stone i guess you don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure out it was really freaking cold in there. Someone had started to remodel the house and must have died or left town in a hurry because they left piles and piles of plaster and lathe everywhere. In between milking cows , feeding cows, spreading cow shit, paying bills, begging the bank for money, i didn't have anytime to remodel anything let alone a house so we moved into the kitchen the first year and i stapled a rug over the door leading to the living room. I heated the kitchen with a kerosene heater and brought my bed down from my "real house" that was now rented out. Holy crap why did i rent out my house shit now i have to stay here. OK Anne buck it up i thought you are tougher than that. This is the kind of life they make documentaries out of.

Winter sucked and then came spring. It was pretty quiet in the house until the hot weather came and then............OMG i want you all to think "what in the hell lives in stones?" caves are made out of stones, right? Holy crap BATS!!!
That house must have had a million bats living in it. I think there little bat bodies froze in the winter and when it got warm flew out to find food. We had them everywhere. Hanging in the windows, flying around your head at night it was like the Adams family without the laugh track. I slept with a broom by the bed.
Fast forward about 3 years: I am sitting on the couch breastfeeding one of my latest editions to the family. I had the kids at home with a midwife and was feeding the baby when i heard a squeaking noise. A baby bat fell out of the freaking wall and landed on my boob. I just about died. I sat there quiet for about a half a second and then yelled "If you don't get this bat off me i will kill the first person i see when i get off this couch mister". Well mister takes it and puts it in a cool whip container with a lid so my second from oldest can take it to school.
We tried to shoot the bats, poison the bats even make friends with the bats. It was a long 3 years for me and the bats let me tell ya!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My bestest oldest friend Gracie

In 1970 two moms were standing in line in Kindergarten sign up at Springville Elementary School. They were signing up their daughters for Kindergarten. I am very sure the conversation between them went something like this "Edie, all my daughter does is talk she really needs to visit with other kids her own age." to which Mary replied "that's funny that's all my daughter Gracie wants to do!"

There standing in line besides these two moms were two kids named Anne and Grace and i am sure the conversation between them went something like this "Hi I am Gracie what is your name?" "My name is Annie" My mom says i talk too much" "so does mine!" Wanna come over to my house?

So ever since 1970 the Annie (the kid with the messy curly hair) and Gracie(the cute little chubby kid) have been the bestest oldest friends ever.

We got together in July for my daughters birthday and my mom said "Seems just like yesterday Edie and I were signing you too big mouths up for school.

A dose of Reality phone call 9 am

I got a phone call this morning at 9 am from a fellow dairy farmer who runs about 2000 milking cows, yes i said 2000. I asked him what the outlook was, what he's heard blah blah

"It's ugly out there, Anne" how are the kids.

"the kids are fine"
give me your honest opinion on the future of this business" i said

"It's ugly out there, Anne" was the reply how are the kids.

"don't change the subject man what do you think we all should do."
Damned if i know Anne just hang in there its really bad out there all over.
could be another year before stuff straightens out.

Some Dairy farmers dont have another year to "Hang on" this is a very serious situation we are facing.
gotta run to the gas station go get my pail of gasoline. talk later

Halloween


I just love Halloween it's probably my favorite holiday of all time. I remember once in high school i dressed up like a nun. I thought it was funny. The principal did not. I got called into the office and was asked to take off the outfit. I said "call my ma".

So they did and her reply was"why the hell are you bothering me with this? did she do something wrong?"

Well it seems her Halloween costume is out of line. "Hmm says my mom she must have changed on the way to school i thought she wore the nun outfit?"

Dead freaking silence on the other end.

The principal hung up the phone. Go back to your class Anne .
"Do i have to take off this costume? cause I'm not gonna anyway"
"Just go" says principal
on the way back to Mr Kayes business class one of the photographers for the yearbook snapped a photo of me in the "Unfit costume"

In the eighties stuff like that was a big deal i guess . Maybe the principal was catholic dont know, dont care.

"If you can't say anything nice about someone,sit next to me" quote from Olympia Dukakis, Steele Magnolias

Don't touch my fur!!


My second from the youngest is in Pre-k this year. So far she loves it but seems we had a little problem last week. I bought her this coolest jacket from a second hand shop here in Jamestown where stuff is so cheap its unreal. This jacket is fake fur - looks like a dalmation puppy so we called it the Cruella jacket. She wore it to school last week and got off the bus in tears. "what in the hell is wrong now" ? I asked her not really paying that much attention, when my kids get off the bus its like The Ringling Circus dont ever call here at 3:41 in the afternoon its a bad scene. "Billy kept feeling my fur all day Mom!!" I sat there silently now she's got my attention . I am trying not to laugh. "Dear, dont EVER let a boy feel your fur!" My older daughter just looked at me "WHY NOT MOM?" well , I dont know I guess you will go blind.
How do you know mom? did anyone ever feel your fur?

How in the hell am i supposed to not laugh.

"Not in a while" i said and continued to do the dishes "Not in a while"

Monday, October 5, 2009

followers 6 holy crap

ok i have 6 followers as of count today. My sister was so wrong. Can somebody call her and tell her she was so wrong. Not that she will answer. She is changing her phone number and putting her house up for sale afraid i will talk about her i guess. Says i will embarrass her. Hah she hasnt seen anything yet!!

proofreading

I am starting to proofread this Blog wow this could take days!!!

This one's for Sam

I want to show you pictures of things whenever possible to back up my big mouth. This is a picture taken at the Erie County Fair this year. I didn't scribble it on the barn wall. It's pretty nice. Pretty straightforward, something for the public to think about. Not much return for alot of hard work huh?

Why dont i just sell the cows? thats what people ask me all the time. Well public at large, my cows are only worth half of what they were last year so if i sell them i wont even be able to pay off the loans i have. kinda dumb huh?

middle of the day

As the day goes on things dont seem quite as funny as they do in the morning. Phone calls from bill collectors get old. I applied for Child Health Plus and they sent me to the Medicaid hotline. Medicaid says i am not eligible. I just want insurance for the kids i am not asking for them to build me a new house. Being self employed really isnt all the fun and games it is cracked up to be. The paperwork is a joke. I am not into paperwork at all never have been never will be. Maybe things will look funnier in a while i after i check to see if Captain Morgan wants to take a trip with me. Who drank all the pop? Lets try it with juicy juice. It's 5 o clock somewhere

update on the coconut bras

i am having a hell of a time finding the coconut bras with a push up insert in them damn!!

My apologies

Ok i am gonna apologize to everyone right now before i get too far into this thing. I was told "dont swear on that blog" crap i have already broken that rule. My sister said "I work for the school system you know dont mention the school system whatever you do". Crap broke that promise already. "Leave the church out of it" Poop, i guess i slipped on that one.

So here i am this is my public apology to everyone. I get my stuff from real life and dont have to make it up its too dumb. If i walk on any toes i am sorry but thats just Anne. If it upsets you, dont read it I have 4 followers thats enough. Yes i swear some, i will try to leave that really bad words out you know the ones "IRS, taxes, workers compensation, shit like that. oh yeah "work" now thats a real swear word in this country isnt it. hmmmmm

Once in a while i might talk about the school i dont want any of my teacher friends to disown me. ok my one teacher friend you know who you are. Yeah i do have one teacher friend yes and a substitute teacher friend too ha so there!!
I dont want to offend any of my city friends, my lazy friends, my religious friends, my pretty friends, my weird friend, my fat friends, my skinny friends so i am gonna apologize to you all now-- not that i'm not gonna write about you occasionally but except it or dont thats life in Anne's outspoken world. Always the big mouth you know some things will never change i guess.
I will change the names to protect the innocent but you are all fodder for some funny shit. I have been out here on the front lines of this dairy farming stuff now most of my adult life and have lived and witnessed alot of good and bad stuff. I have learned alot and am still learning every day. So take me for what i am.
Oh yeah and to all of you perfectionists out there i know i didnt pay very good attention in school I should capitalize stuff i dont use quotation marks when someone talks and so on. I am trying to make this legible for you all so bear with me (bear) hmm it that an animal crap i dont know. dont have much time to look shit up but i will try to edit when i can in between the mountains of laundry and cow shit.

Sincerely,
Anne aka (bigmouth)
yes Aunt Tillie i talk almost as loud as you do

4 followers

Ok i have 4 followers i think maybe i will start a church. They are tax exempt right? hmmmmmmmmm

Coconut bras and Grass Skirts




I did not grow up here in Ashville, I am from a normal town called Springville where everyday is pretty much the same except Wednesdays - I will touch on that another time. Here in Ashville we live very close to the "Lake" Chautauqua Lake to be exact. Tourist town (trap) whatever you want to call it. I have noticed that the local grocery stores sells bread in the winter for a buck and in the summer its five bucks try to figure that one out.

Being a broke dairy farmer i have to go to the gas station alot to get my gas for the tractors in five gallon pails so i go there alot. In the winter it is no big deal , pump and go. BUT>>>>>>>> in the summer its a whole new story. Folks come here from all over especially Ohio to visit the "Lake" They must not have any lakes in Ohio or something i really dont know. These folks that are here on vacation are a trip.

The other day i was getting my gas and this lady jumps out of her SUV and starts asking me questions. "wow, it's so nice here", "what do you do here?" blah blah blah. So i answer "work maam". Dont you go to Chautaqua? "No maam we work" Dont you go to Lillydale? "no maam we work." "How about the Ferry how about the Chautaqua Belle?" "No maam we work".
"You locals are so friendly!!!" and the lady drove off.

If you live here you cant afford to do any of that stuff for example: It cost 10 bucks just to drive thru Lillydale. 10 bucks just to park in Chautaqua to give you an idea. I really dont have 10 bucks just to park anywhere. This got me thinking. A friend of mine asked me what do you do on the Ferry? "Just ride it i guess" i answered "Don't know never rode the damn thing". "what do you get for riding it"
"The satisfaction of riding it i guess?" was usual stupid answer. I went home and thought about this. "The locals as we are called kinda made me think of Gilligans Island or Robinson Caruso maybe we are all stranded here in Chautauqua like they were and maybe i should take advantage of that so i came up with a plan. Next year i am going to order 5 sets of coconut bras and grass skirts and the girls and i will dance on the beach down at Bemus point with bones in our hair and wave at the vacationers who can throw us money. Maybe we can pay some bills on the farm that way. I will send photos when i get them.