Heaven

My kids go to church every Sunday and often ask me "what do you think it's like in heaven, mom?"
"Oh i don't know, is my usual reply never put much thought to it i guess.

I was feeding calves this morning and came up with my rendition of what heaven is like.

First of all, there are no cows or money issues in heaven i have had enough of both to last me a lifetime.

ok when you get there it looks like a giant tiki bar or the inside of the Chaffee Hotel. You go in and you don't do anything all day except smoke brand name Marlboro cigarettes and never cough. All your friends and family that you liked (not the ones you didn't like) are there with you. They are all healthy, not sick, not old, but healthy. They all look great. You get to pick the day in your life that you looked the best and that's what you look like everyday.

Everyone is the same "color" in heaven. I dont mean all white or all black just the same color. maybe no color. There is no discrimination in heaven everyone gets along.
There is no language barrier when you speak English to a Spanish speaking person it is automatically translated.

You sit around watching Disney movies on a large screen TV while good looking Mexican guys in white muscle shirts serve Captain Morgan and brand name Coke to you. You get little umbrellas in every drink.
When you get bored of that you can walk into the other room where kareoke is played all the time not just at weddings and parties. YOU get to pick what song to sing to and you sound good singing it.
Willie Nelson is there as is Patsi Cline and Johnny Cash. They all look good asking "has anyone seen Waylon Jennings ?i know he's here somewhere".
John Candy is having coffee with Gilda Radner.
John Denver is there singing "Thank God I'm a country boy" and never gets his pilots license.

Scott Shrader is sitting at the end of the bar doing his best"Norm" imitation.
You get to wear whatever you want, sparkle dresses,shorts,jeans whatever you want and no one judges you. It's ok to wear flip flops with a snowmobile suit in heaven.
There are no bill collectors in heaven as they now work for the devil. There are no mean people in heaven as they are still on earth working for the banks, the post office and the IRS, the workers compensation board, immigration, The DMV, etc.
There are no divorce court judges there, no attorneys, no child suppport magistrates.

George Reynolds is NOT mad at me for leaving the key on in his riding lawnmower.
My grandfather is there watching the baseball game, eating vanilla ice cream and drinking tea while my grandma crochets.
My uncle Harold is out back at the bar-b-que pit roasting up chicken barbques and serving free ice cream while my mom and Aunt Marium make cheese cake, kuchen , and koolaid in tupper ware cups.


this, my friends is my rendition of heaven take it for what its worth.