Going to Town

When I have to take all the girls to "town" I have to plan at least an hour in advance to get the the destination. Not because it will take that long to get there mind you, just because it takes me that long to get my shit together.

O.K. here's it goes, every time, not just once in a while, every time.

"We gotta go to the store who wants to go"

"I do" they all scream running for the van.

I grab whatever I have on the counter that has to be done "in town".

I have a copy machine but have no idea how to hook it up so I make copies "in town".

I grab the papers, and go to the van.

silence for a moment.

"Where in the hell is the key?"

"Mom, it's on the top of the van so Wheezie doesn't start the van again and try to drive by herself"

"Oh yeah"

I get out and find the key.

Get back in, start van.

"Does everyone have shoes on?"

silence

"If you are shoeless you can't go into the store"

scramble scramble for shoes that have been left in the van from previous trips. Now they all have mismatched shoes on but I don't care as long as they have something covering their feet.

Put van in gear and start to pull out of driveway.

slam on breaks in driveway

"Where in the hell is my purse?"

"Mom it's on the counter, you needed to give us money for ice cream in school"
"Why didn't you grab it?"

"Mom , it's not my purse", yells out the 8 year old.

crap.

pull back up to the house, turn off van, go get purse.

Phone rings: Look at caller I.D., it's Janet, I can't just walk away, maybe she need my opinion on something important like what color to paint her kitchen.

"Hi', what's new?"

"Nothing just called to see what you are doing".

I start talking and totally forget I have 4 kids in the van.

About 15 minutes later i hear the door open.

"Mom, what are you doing?"

"Talking on the phone, why?"

"Mom, we are going to town".

"Oh yeah" I tell Janet" Ihave to go", and I will call her later.

Head toward van again with purse, buckle up 4 kids and head down road.

"Do we have the grocery list that was hanging on the refrigerator?"

"NO, Mom, it's still on the fridge"

slam on breaks, turn around, get list.

Phone rings again: bill collector: don't answer that call don't have any money anyway.

Grab list off fridge and dash for the van.

As I pull out of the driveway I can see Tim headed our way.

Crap

"Can you grab some gas, oil, copenhagen, and a filter for the skid loader?

For God's sake.

"Yes, dear" I reply trying not to bite my lip off.
I pull back into the driveway, grab the gas cans, the old filter from the skid loader so I can show my friends at NAPA what in the hell I want and head down the road.

I get almost to the corner and remember that I forgot my coffee in the microwave, some people smoke, I drink coffee while I drive.

I turn the van around, pull back in the driveway, run in the house turn the microwave back on, while I do that I go back out to the van and gather up the 200 coffee mugs I have left in the windshield and on the floor of the van.

Ding, coffee is hot now.

Grab Coffee, head down road, hit the gas and round the corner.

I look at the clock in the van, and add and hour onto the time because I have no idea how to change the time so we never know what time it really is, and say "We are right on schedule girls, let's go".