This is more Annie style

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The Bratz Doll

Who in the hell invented the Bratz doll? I mean come on, a doll that looks like a hooker and the feet come off? You have got to be kidding me. This family owns about 100 of them, none of which have any feet that match.

I am sure their feet are in the canister of my vacuum cleaner but who the hell wants to look for them in there?

What ever happened to toys like The Gumby doll. He had all his parts and all he did was just bend. That's all he had to do:Bend.

It's a new world out there I tell ya!

Talk later,

Anne

Don't take me so serious guys!!

Happy Monday

Well it's Monday and I am once again running late. I don't want to lose my viewers so I will post something fun til I can get back on here!! This is my daughter Loretta with the real Santa. Her sister wants to know how she has a short sleeve shirt on if she really was at the North pole?

click on her photo and check it out, I am telling ya, that's the real Santa!!, the big guy!! this guy is straight out of "Miracle on 34th Street", unreal. SO COOL.

Magic I guess.

talk later
Anne

Anne's real father

OK which of the following pictures is Anne's real Dad. Albert Einstein or Homer Simpson. After the post about electricity i am beginning to wonder who I really am.

the dryer

In honor of my never ending quest to find a working quiet dryer I am dedicating the following blog entry to "Ole' Squeaky"

Dryer History

Contrary to Internet rumors, the first tumble dryer was not invented by American George T. Sampson. A hand-cranked version was created in 1799 by a Frenchman named Pochon. Sampson's United States patent (number 476,416), which he received on June 7, 1892, was for an improved rack for holding wet clothes near a heat source. Electric tumble dryers appeared in the 20th century.

http://www.answers.com/topic/washing-machine?cat=technology

http://www.answers.com/topic/clothes-dryer-1

Anne

there once was a girl named Anne who never thought about anything she said or did or wrote for that matter. She was so stupid, she even went so far as to tell the world that Thomas Edison invented electricity.

Maybe she should have payed more attention in school and less time in the bathroom smoking cigarettes.

talk later,

Annie

those damn packing peanuts

OK today is Saturday and I am still vacumming up packing peanuts. I hate those things so much it's not even funny.

If you ever want to do something to someone you really HATE just throw a box of freaking packing peanuts in their living room when they are gone.

If I was in charge of the military we would just fill missiles with packing peanuts, that would be enough to drive any country absolutely out of their minds. Toss them out in the streets, people will willingly "give up"or turn their own guns on themselves, I guarantee it.

talk later,

Annie

just some info I guess I should have read in school

Thomas Edison was the great genius inventor of the electrical age. His hundreds of inventions made him a giant public figure in American and around the world at the turn of the 20th century. Among Edison's most famous inventions are the first practical long-lasting light bulb and the phonograph; he also helped refine and develop other inventions like motion picture cameras, the stock ticker and the typewriter. By the end of his life Edison had registered 1093 patents and had made millions from his inventions and the businesses he built on them. He is especially known for his work with electricity, and the story of his struggles to find the right filament for the first working light bulb are legendary. Edison's labs were located in Menlo Park, New Jersey, leading to his nickname of "The Wizard of Menlo Park." Edison is also famous for being a dogged worker: he often slept no more than four hours per night and made the famous statement, "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration."

i am the dumbest person on earth

Ok I really am dumb, I mean really dumb. I couldn't remember who invented freaking electricity so I guessed. I was typing really early so I can use that as an excuse. Please don't tell my sister that I really am that stupid.

For the record it was Ben Franklin.

I just got a call from the "Farmer's wife illiteracy volunteer organization of America" they think I need tutoring. Seems the illigal mexicans know more about our history than I do.

I am going to Goodwill today to buy a set of encyclopedias. I am hoping that if I put them on a shelf here at the house, they will make me think I am smart.

Talk later

Anne
(aka the dumbest person on earth)

By the way , the picture on the last posting is Thomas Edison, not my grandfather as many of you seem to think.

talk later,

Annie

JUST DO IT!!

Janet called me yesterday. She is working on an awesome project. She is writing articles for E-how. She is an awesome writer. She called and asked me "Do you think I should do it"

"Hell yeah". was my reply. "What have ya got to lose!".

How many times in your life have you wanted to do something and talked yourself out of it? I have talked myself right out of alot of really cool things that I wish now I would have done.

The next time you are contemplating doing something different, just DO IT. I don't mean stuff like muffling your husband with a pillow cause he won't do the dishes, no not that kind of crap.

I had no idea how to write a blog but Janet kept pushing me and here I am, can't spell worth a darn anymore and don't have any idea what the hell to do with quotation marks, but here I am.

I got my tubes "untied", everyone told me "what if it doesn't work?"

I had 4 more kids.

I sold Tupperware for 2 years. Everyone told me "what if you don't sell any of it?"

I was in the top 10 sellers in my unit for 1 year straight.

What is Sonny Bono never got up the nerve to ask Cher out?

What is President Lincoln never freed the slaves?

What if Thomas Edison never bought a kite?

The next time you want to do something different, think about it, don't think yourself right out of it, and just do it.

So the hell what if it doesn't work.

Do you think Hillary Clinton is crying because she didn't win the presidency? she is counting all her money from other projects. Lots of it too.

Ok. I gotta go milk the cows.

Just do it!!

talk later,

Anne

Black Friday

Today is the biggest shopping day of the season, that is biggest shopping for normal stores. I don't shop at normal stores anyway, won't affect me in the least. Haven't been to a mall in 20 years.

I let other people buy the crap new, then I wait until the next summer and buy it at their garage sales for pennies on a dollar.

Who is the dummy?

You never see me waiting in line a to buy a TV from Walmart, I wait until some idiot gets a divorce, then I buy it off Craigslist for almost nothing. Works out great. No line, no stress, easy, real easy.

rule of thumb: take cash, money talks, bullshit walks, be nice, and ask "What else are you selling?". I get some great deals this way.

If they say "damn wife ran off", left me with all this crap" you are golden.

Golden!! i tell ya.

P.S. let me know if you find a dryer





Talk later,

Annie

liz taylor

Why is it when I go to color my hair and I pick "Light Brown" it comes out black? I look like Liz Taylor.

Good Lord.

the messiest house in Chautaqua county

I spent all day cleaning the house yesterday, Tim's dad was coming to bring me a hot water tank. Well, maybe not all day, maybe like 30 minutes, seemed like all day. I managed to cram all my crap in the closets and close my bedroom door where i tossed all my laundry. Ok I sort of cleaned the house.

I milked the cows last night and got in about 8. A package had come in the mail. I ordered a used bread machine. I made the mistake of leaving the box in the living room. It was full of those horrible little packing peanuts HORRIBLE things they are.

My sweet little Izzy had found them and tossed them all over the living room, she said she wanted Santa to think it was "snow".

All I could think about was the old Cat in the Hat cartoon where the cat comes and destroys the house. The cat then picks up the house like 2 seconds before the parents get home.

Izzy must have forgotten about the picking up part.

OK I want to wish everyone a great Thanksgiving!!!!

Please drive safe, eat alot of food, and be thankful for all you have. It has been a bad year all over this Country and I think we all have alot to be thankful for.

We have each other.

Talk later,

Annie

charlie brown

When we were kids Charlie Brown Thanksgiving was always a big deal. I am actually going home to Springville for Thanksgiving so I am putting this video on here just in case I can't post a blog.

Hopefully my sister will have lots of beer there and I won't be able to type.

Talk later,

Annie

Macey's Day

I have fond memories of Thanksgiving as a kid. We would watch the Macey's Day parade every year. I was showing the kids reruns of the old shows on You tube when Izzy says "What is Macey's Day?"

I sat there in silence.

"Izzy I have no idea?"

I then gave her this explanation.

"Izzy, many years ago, Columbus and his brother Macey set out to find the new world. They were very competitive. After many months of sailing they got in a fight and split up. Macey bought a new ship, it was much nicer than his brother's, I think it was pink. Columbus landed on Plymouth Rock because he was stupid. Macey landed in New York City with his pink ship and started a store. He then sewed together the first giant balloon, tied some baling twine on it, and filled it with hot air. He got some locals to have a parade in his honor. It just happened to be about the time his stupid brother was having Thanksgiving, half starving to death with a bunch of crazy Indians.

Every year he would have a parade to honor landing in New York and as the parades got bigger they had to hire movie stars to sit in fancy cars and be on TV to show you the parades.

"Wow Mommy, you are so smart".

Talk later,

Annie

jinxed

Two days ago I was on the phone talking to Janet about something important I am sure. Can't remember what it was, but I am sure it was important.

All of the sudden she yells "Crap, hang on: the water in my sink in the laundry room is running over. I waited on the other end for a few minutes in silence. I am used to this as so is she. We both wait in silence alot. Many emergencys can happen when you have kids, birds, cows, husbands etc.

"I'm back" she says "Darn water, I forgot to turn it off, overflowed the sink again".

"It's hell to get old isn't it?"

"very funny she replied".

"I haven't done that in years" I replied. Really sucks, now you have to use every clean towel in the house to clean up the mess.

I haven't overflowed a sink in a while so I was feeling pretty good about myself.

The next day I went to the barn to start my milking chores. We have 2 great big sinks out there, they are awesome. I fill the one in the milkhouse with hot water to wash calf pails and one in the bathroom to wash "people" stuff like coffee cups etc. I always turn them both on, turn on my milking equipment, and turn them off when they are filled.

I turned off the one in the milkhouse and went to get the cows for milking. After about 15 minutes I returned and had to walk through the milkhouse to turn on the milker pump and all I could see was steam. Where in the hell was that coming from? I couldn't even see my hands, looked like a sauna. I've never been in a sauna, but I am sure that's what it looks like.

I made my way to the bathroom and opened up the door, the darn water was overflowing the sink and running down the little drain on the floor.

Crap.

I turned it off and muttered under my breath "Darn Janet, got me again!"

Talk later,

Annie

the emergency

I was milking our cows this morning in the parlor. The parlor is where the cows come in and you milk them. Simple.

I saw a mouse on the floor when i turned on the lights this morning and it made me think of something that happened a few years ago. I couldn't stop thinking of it. I kept laughing all the way through chores today. I just have to tell this one and get it out of my system.

A couple of years ago we rented a farm in Schuyler County New York. We lived there 2 years.

There is nothing to do in Schuyler County except milk cows and drink beer.

Tim's sister came to live with us for one of the years.

I milked cows.

She drank beer.

One night I had the milking off. Amy and I were doing what we usually did on my night off. Drinking beer.

The phone rang, it was Tim.

"Can you run over to John's and get some penicillan?, I need it tonight, got a real sick cow"

"yeah i guess, was my reply I will have Jill watch the kids and Amy and I will run over to John's farm and get a bottle".

Amy's daughter Jill also lived with us. We grabbed our coats and bolted for the door.

"Gotta go Jill, be back in a few minutes!!".

We gave her no time to answer. We just drove out of the driveway as fast as we could.

We drove the back way all the way to John's. It was only about a 10 minute drive.

"You gotta stop and get some more beer" Amy said to me.

"I can't, I don't want to get pulled over".

"Crap" was her reply.

When we got to the farm, we went in the office where the medicine is kept. I grabbed a bottle of the penicillan, left some money in a jar with a note.

"Come on let's go" I said.

"Hang on!!" was her reply, I have an idea!!!"
"What is this note all about?"

"It's a note from John to his hired Mexicans, Why?"

"Annie, it says "In case of an emergency, call me and the phone number was on the note. It was a big piece of paper stuck on a door with some duct tape. It also said "ONLY CALL IF IT IS AN EMERGENCY!!!"

"Who's phone number is that anyway?"

"John's, why?" I replied trying to get the hell out of there.

"Hold on Annie, let me think about this, if we have an emergency, we can call John, right?"

"Yeah, Amy sure. It has to be a real emergency, Amy, his wife is weird. She's really jealous, hates when he has to come to the barn on his day off".

I was still trying to get the hell out of there.

"Hang on Annie, not so fast: we do have a REAL emergency!"

WE ARE OUT OF BEER!!!!
she screamed it in my ear.
She picked up the phone and dialed the number, I was still trying to get out of there.

"Hey is this John?"

"yes who is this?"

"I'm Amy"

"Amy who?"

"Annie's friend"

"Anne doesn't have any friends"

"Yes she does and I am her only friend"

"What do you need? and why are you calling me, it better be important, I have company".

"You have an emergency over at your barn Sir!"

"What kind of an emergency?"

Amy sat silent for a moment, thinking.

"Well.......there is a rat in your milking parlor and the Mexicans are afraid of it, hurry quickly and bring some cheese with you!!!"

It was all I could do to not pee my pants. I sat down.

"Now come on lady, is there really a rat in the parlor?"

"Hey man, I don't even know you, but all I can see is that no cows are getting milked and the Jose has climbed up the pipeline in total fear, It's a HUGE rat.!!!"

"There better be a rat, I am coming over".

I sat there still trying not to pee my pants.

John walked in the milking parlor, Amy followed him in trying not to stagger , he was dressed in tan pants rolled up with his rubber boots on . Not his usual blue jeans.

He walked out of the parlor and he looked real mad. "Jose is milking and I don't see a rat anywhere!"

"Oh, I took care of it John, she said, poked it in the head with a pitchfork, I took care of that situation." "But now we have another emergency, we are out of beer sir and wanted to know if you could drive to Watkins Glen and get us some."

You could see his face getting redder and redder.

I was still trying not to pee my pants.

"you mean you called me up and lied about a rat to get me to buy beer for you?"

"Are you calling me a liar, Sir?" "See if I ever help you out again".

"He started to laugh. "I hate my wife's family anyway, I can go get some beer for you idiots if you promise to stay out of trouble for the rest of the night".

"Sure thing Sir!"

He came back with the beer, drank 3 of them with us and we happily drove off.

Every time I see a mouse I think of her and that emergency.

Talk later,

Annie

I want to apologize for not having a new blog yet today. I made the mistake of showing Tim how to use the computer.

I am taking donations for a new computer.

Please send checks to the Annicef fund

Acannacopenhagen

It's official, I need a new dryer. The noise it is making now is just awful. Sounds like the noise that one of those trains makes in the old westerns when the cowboys try to "rob" the train. You know,when they yell "stop the train!!" and the conductor pulls that secret lever and you hear that awful skreeching noise. That's the noise.

My dryer is in the kitchen. I like it there because it reminds me that I have 300 loads to do a day and I can keep a steady flow going.

It is affecting my hearing.

Yesterday Janet called. She found a great website on the internet and had to share it with me.

Of course my dryer was running when the phone rang.

"Annie, I found a new website for ya, it's called Lulu".

"Hulu?", I replied.

"LULU!!!!!" "Hulu is the TV stuff.

"Wulu?"

"LULU"!!!!!! L.U.L.U.

she spelled it out.

"Oh Lulu, like Lulu Roman from Heehaw. O.K. Janet I gotta go thanks.

About an hour later my girlfriend stoppped over and brought me a pile of sewing she had done for me. She does my mending. She's an excellent seamstress. I was doing the dishes and the dryer was still on.

She opened the door, put the sewing on the couch and hollered to me.

"Do ya have any more sewing?"

I yelled back "Good".

she just stood there for a minute.

"I said, do you have any more sewing?"

"I am doing good I yelled back".

She walked in and turned off the dryer.

I said "Do you have any sewing, not how are you doing. Anne, you really need to replace that dryer it is affecting your life".

Another hour later the kids got back from church. I was sitting at the computer trying to post on this blog. I was trying hard to concentrate.

My little Isabelle who is 4 ran in the door. The dryer was still on of course.

"Mom do you have any Copenhagen?"

"It's in the fridge".

She ran to the fridge and stood there with a puzzled look on her face. She walked back. Yelling to me and waving a piece of paper "Mom do you have any Copenhagen?". I didn't look up, I really wanted to finish the article while it was fresh in my mind. She must have run into Tim on the way to the house and he probably asked her to get him a can of Copenhagen.

She walked over to the dryer and opened up the door to turn it off.

"Mom, listen to me: we made Cornicopias in church today, you know the food thingy. She was holding a gorgeous picture of a cornicopia for Thanksgiving.

Today I will look in Craigslist for a dryer.

Talk later

Annie

Recipe #4 Crackers with butter and a side order of chicken heart

Yesterday I caught my kids playing with the sheets off my bed with a flashlight. At first it made me mad,then I stepped back for a minute and thought about the days when I used to do the same thing.

I shut the door and let them have their fun.




Back in the 70's when I was growing up my bestest friend had a Easy Bake oven. This was just about the neatest toy you could get back then. It simply looked like a little oven and ran off a light bulb. It would actually bake little cakes.

I don't know how many houses were burned to the ground due to these little contraptions.

It was awesome I tell ya!!

Grace's mom worked and her Dad was in charge of us. Her Dad was 100 years old and watching us really wasn't his favorite pastime. All I can remember him saying to us was "You two little idiots stay out of trouble".

That is all I remember him ever saying to us. Well ,maybe a few times he did say "your mother will be home any minute, now get this damn mess cleaned up".

May he rest in peace, I loved that old guy. I really did.

As soon as her mom would leave the driveway we would try to find crap to get into. I loved to make those crackers. I also loved Bill Cosby. Grace's sister had moved out and left behind a Bill Cosby record album, yeah the old black round things that look like frisbies.

Grace would get the little oven out and get the crackers and butter out of the kitchen. I would rip the sheet off her mom's bed and get her Dad's flashlight. We would melt butter on the crackers and listen to Bill Cosby's Chicken heart. When you are 6 years old it's scary as hell. I mean scary. She would put the record on and I would quickly turn off the lights and turn on the flashlight. We would try to scare the crap out of each other listening to that old record.

We didn't have computers, gameboys,vcrs, blah blah blah.

We had to use our imaginations.

It was fun. Really fun.

Talk later,

Annie

Cowgirl stew: recipe #3

I have friends that live in Colorado and I have had the wonderful opportunity to visit with them on two occasions. They run a large beef ranch there and on one of the visits I got to actually ride a horse and "herd" the cows. Yeah, just like in "City Slickers". It was awesome.

The following is a recipe I stole from one of the parties we went to. I renamed it "Cowgirl stew" changing it's original name of "Cowboy stew".

The recipe is as follows:

Things you will need:

1 Willie Nelson's greatest hits tape with "My heroes have always been cowboys" on it.

The movie "City Slickers".

1-6 pack of Corona beer (it's a little pricey, but worth every drop).

ingredients: some hamburger
some bacon
a can of baked beans any kind will do
ketchup
brown sugar.
1- good looking cowboy (you can find these at rodeos if you look very hard).

Directions:

put in the Willie Nelson tape, open a bottle of the Corona. Drink it.

brown the hamburger with the bacon, drain the grease, add the baked beans and about 3 tablespoons of brown sugar and a couple shakes of ketchup. Cover, let simmer. I throw it all in a crockpot and just put it on low.

Open up another bottle of Corona. Drink it.

Have the good looking cowboy put the tape in the VCR.

Open another bottle of Corona. Drink it.

This is good served with beer bread.

Place the bread on the plate and dump some of the stew on the top.

Eat this on the couch with your good looking cowboy.

Open up another Corona. Drink It.

Enjoy the rest of the movie.

What you do with the rest of the night is totally up to you.


Talk later,

Annie

Annie and Oprah

It's official, Oprah is going to stop doing her shows.

Crap.

I need to get a letter out to her so I can be on her show before she goes off the air for good. Word on the street says she's gonna run for President. Why the hell not? I don't think she can do any worse of a job than what's going on now.

I am feveriously working on a letter to her. I will post it soon. Gotta try to sound professional you know. Keep the swear words to a dull roar.

Crap : this may take a few days.

Talk soon,

Annie

bourbon balls

I had to go to Sherman New York the other day. My girlfriend owns a livestock barn there and we ship our cows from there that we no longer milk. She runs a small kitchen at the barn. She is a wonderful cook and has an incredible sense of humor.

I told her I was writing about my rumballs and she told me I could use bourbon to make them. Then she pointed to a sign hanging over the grill. It lists the specials of the day.

It read "Chocolate chip cookies made with Ernie's nuts".

"What in the hell is that all about?" I said trying not to pee my pants laughing.

"Oh, Anne you have to make your bourbon balls with Ernie's nuts!!""Oh my God Nicky, you have lost it girl!", I replied.

So I thought for a minute hmmm OK I can play this game.

Ernie is one of the truck drivers who hauls cattle, he has a black walnut tree at his house and brings boxes of the ugly things to the auction barn to sell.

"O.K. Nicky, how big are Ernie's nuts?"

"Oh, Anne, they are real big, very nice size".

"What color are they?"

"Brown"

"How much do they cost?"

"Usually they sell for around a buck fifty a box"

"Does his wife mind?"

"must be not"

"how do you crack them?"

"By hand Anne".



This went on for about 3 minute. I had tears running down my eyes.

You can find humor in the strangest places, just look for it--it's all around you.

Talk later,

Annie

beer bread recipe #2

Ok here is that beer bread recipe

3 cups flour
3 tablespoons sugar 1 can beer

turn oven on 375

mix the crap together

grease pan

bake 1 hr

its that easy i am tellin' ya!!!

If you get a 30 pack, that will make about 10 loaves given that you keep some of the beer for yourself.

I went to buy some beer yesterday morning at 7:45 and they wouldn't let me buy it, seems New York has a drunk person law. You can't get drunk before 8 in the morning. Who in the hell made that law? Sometimes you really wonder "who" makes these pitiful laws.

what if some little old lady was out of beer to make beer bread for her family and wanted to make it in the morning before they got out of bed?

I mean how dumb is that.

I grabbed 2- 30 packs this time. I will show them!!!

Try it, I guarantee you will love this bread!!

talk later, Annie

comments and emails

When you write a blog it's weird. Real weird. You wonder if anyone is even reading it.

Now I know how Horton the elephant felt. Remember when all those little people on the dust speck were trying to be heard and had no idea if they were? That's sort of what it feels like. "We are here , we are here".

I was writing a story on here the other day wondering if anyone is even reading this crap and I looked at the sidebar and saw someone had actually left a comment.

Holy crap, someone actually read this.

So I wrote another story.

I got an email yesterday from a friend who said she really did put a bottle of rum in the bottom of the garbage over the weekend.

If you could, throw me a comment once in a while so I know someone is actually out there, makes me feel like I am not talking to myself, although I do that alot.

Seriously.

OK: I am looking for that beer bread recipe. Being the most unorganized person in America I am having a hard time finding it, I promise I will have it today at some point.

In the meantime you can still work on drinking the beer.

Talk later,

Annie

in the kitchen with annie recipe #1 rumballs

I had a request for those wonderful rumballs I talk about all the time so here it goes:

Directions to make rumballs:

First go the the liquor store and buy a large bottle of rum. You can use any kind really. I like Captain Morgans spiced rum. You only need 1/4 cup for the recipe, the rest is for you.

stop at the store and get the following:graham crackers, cocoa, confectioner's sugar,salt, walnuts,honey, and of course some cheap cola and some coconut.

First go to the cupboard and get yourself a plastic cup, a large one. Fill the cup 1/4 full with the rum and the rest of the way with the pop, this is for you. Place it on the counter behind your other ingredients, no one will know you are drinking. Works like a charm

take 2 cups of the graham crackers and add 2 tablespoons cocoa, 1 cup confectioner's sugar, 1/8 tsp salt, 1 cup walnuts chopped fine, mix this together.

combine 1 and 1/2 tsp honey with 1/4 cup rum. You can also use brandy if you have downed all the rum already. Mix this crap all together with your hands, roll in coconut and throw in the fridge. If you don't have any honey, maple syrup will work. The cheapie stuff is fine.

Pour more pop in the glass and add 2 fingers of the rum to it again. My fingers are larger than the ordinary fingers from milking cows all those years, doesn't matter, just fill that plastic cup up once again.

Store these in a plastic container, they keep forever.

Open up your cupboards and try to find the tupperware container you got for a gift for your wedding 20 years and store these babies indefinately.

Pour yourself another drink.

Do the dishes, put the crap away. Pour yourself another drink.

Hide the bottle in the bottom of the garbage so your husband doesn't see that you have downed a whole bottle of rum in one day.

Holiday hint: these are very good served with a pack of Marlboro cigarettes.

that's it, very easy no oven required, so if your electricity gets turned off you can still make rumballs.

Tomarrow I will teach you my recipe for beer bread , it is awesome. On the way home from work, go and buy a 30 pack today so I can show you that one. You will need 1 can of beer for each loaf. I can usually get 10 loaves of bread from a 30 pack.



Talk later!!

Annie

spotlighting

Last night we were eating supper and we could see the neighbor boys driving up the road and they were spotlighting for deer. If you have never heard of this, it's a redneck activity done at night to find deer.

"Hmmm, wonder what they're looking for?" I said. I totally knew, but just wanted to make conversation. Any excuse to talk.

"Deer" replied Tim.

"Maybe they're looking for naked people"

"Oh, Anne where do you get your weird ideas?"

He went off to bed, I laughed under my breath.

We have a bathroom in our barn with a shower so when you are done milking the cows you can take a shower, it's nice to come to the house clean. I usually being my clean clothes down. Well, one day last week, I forgot them.

Instead of running back to the barn, I just decided to take a shower anyway. I dried off with my sweatshirt turned inside out. I certainly didn't want to put my old clothes back on that were covered in cow manure.

"Can I do it?" I thought.

hmmmmmm yeah what the hell just do it.

I grabbed my laundry basket with dirty washclothes in it that I use to wash the cows udders and headed towards the house. Totally naked. Let me tell you 45 degrees with clothes ON is alot warmer than 45 degrees with clothes OFF.

About half way up the driveway thoughts started to go thru my mind. "What if someone actually shows up here? I know it's late, but what if?"

"What if the boys are spotlighting for deer?"

I walked faster.

I made it to the house.

I wouldn't recommend that to anyone. It's really cold in November in Ashville, really cold.

I got in the house, put on my clothes and wondered what in the world would those boys think if they saw me walking naked with clothes in a basket? Maybe they would call the nut house and have me committed, probably put me on the front page of the local newspaper "Farm woman gone crazy over low milk prices, found wandering naked in her driveway. Photos at 10:00".

talk later

Annie

raw milk

I wanted to tell eveyone what I have been up to here on the farm.

I have applied for my raw milk permit. It is just a bunch of paperwork so I can legally sell raw milk here from the farm!!

I will keep you all updated on my progress, I am very excited about this.

I can cut out the middle man and sell some of this great stuff right to the consumer!!

My family has been drinking it as long as we have had cows which is forever. I feel that my kids are the best "poster children" for my product. They are the healthiest kids you could ever want to meet.

We have to try to get back to the way things "used to be". Food in it's original form is good for us. I think there will be alot of people trying to get back to the "land".

I have a goal for next year to get these chickens to actually lay eggs and get this raw milk thing on it's feet.

If I can get up the courage, I want to clean out my garage and make it into a sort of "retail" shop where people can come and buy eggs, pork, beef and of course raw milk. I know there is a garage out there I just need to find it.

talk soon,

Annie

death

Today is Janet's Dad's funeral. Today is the day to say "Goodbye" officially. He was 90. We could all only hope to live to be 90 and accomplish half the things he did.

A couple of years ago I lost a good friend. He was very young, around 17 I think. He died very suddenly from a brain anurisom. I took it pretty hard. He helped on the farm and was always with us.

I moped around for a week or so until one day one of the old farmers from up the road stopped over.

"How long are ya gonna mope around here?" he said to me.

"probably forever" was my reply.

"Come over here Annie I have something to say to you".

Crap, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself for one of those "old guy "speeches.

"I hate to tell you this Missy, but you are going about this all wrong. Why are you so sad? You should be happy. Just think about it this way, he is up in heaven looking down on all of us just laughing. He isn't feeding these stupid calves any more and he doesn't have to stay up all night milking cows. He is probably up there drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. It's time for you to snap out of it girlie. You should be mad not sad. You are still here and you have to feed these calves and milk the cows now."

He drove off.

I sat there for a minute and thought about what he said.

Crap that old fart was right!

I finished feeding my calves, went to the house, drank a beer and smoked the last cigarette that was left in the pack he had left behind.

"Adios Amigo"


Annie

over slept

Crap, I overslept. I found this video of a new comedian . I think she is a blast. Judge for yourself.

Gotta go milk the cows!!!
T
The Improv

Amy Anderson | MySpace Video

cowboys

Last night i was looking for a nice song to put on here for Janet and accidently found the funniest cowboy song in the world. What in the hell was Willie thinking? I just about fell off my chair when I watched this!!!

for janet

cheap cigarettes, whiskey, and ketchup

I got a call today from my friend Janet.

"My dad died yesterday" was her opening line.

"Crap, I'm so sorry".

I loved that old guy. I love all old people. Her dad was a neat guy. I remember going to a party at her house one day and talking with him alone on the porch. I asked him what he thought was the secret to life. Surely he must know .

"Cheap cigarettes, whiskey and Heinz 57 ketchup" was his reply.

I sat there in silence for a minute thinking to myself "what in the hell is he talking about?"

"I have smoked cheap cigarettes all my life Annie and they never did me no harm. A little whiskey never hurt anyone and when you are cooking and can't quite figure out what to put in your concoction , add Heinz 57 ketchup, it's full of spices, bet you didn't know that did ya?"

"No Sir, I didn't".

All these years I have never forgot those words , wise words from a wise old man. A man who had seen alot of change in his lifetime, a man who had worked hard to suppport his family. A man who had his own restaurant for years. A man of Polish decent.

I will miss the "old guy".

See ya later father!!

Do widzenia. (Goodbye)

Love ya,
Annie

Wake The Dead

The other day my girlfriend called and I could hardly hear what she was saying to me on the other end of the phone.

"What in the hell is that noise in the background?" she said

"My dryer, why?"

"My God Anne, it's loud enough to wake the dead.

We never fix anything here so the little squeak in my dryer has now become a full blown Grinding EEEEEEKKKKKKK. Sounds like they are grinding old cars up for recycle.

It's bad.

I hung up the phone and tried to picture my dryer waking up the dead. Maybe I could take my dryer to Lillydale and plug it in and "wake the dead" there and make some money. They charge alot of money to talk to the dead there, I could cut out the middle man and do it myself.

I tried to imagine a ghost showing up at the door , kinda like the scene in Scrooge where Jacob Marley shows up in a cranky mood with chains wrapped around him. What would this ghost say to me?

"I have come from the depths hell to let you know YOUR FREAKING DRYER IS TOO LOUD!!"

chains shaking, loud moaning, screaming in the background from all the other "dead " people I have woken up.

I snapped out of my daydream trying not to laugh out loud and turned on "Old screechy".

Talk soon, Annie

The Farm

I have alot of people ask me "How in the world did you get that farm?"

The following video will explain everything.

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