the emergency

I was milking our cows this morning in the parlor. The parlor is where the cows come in and you milk them. Simple.

I saw a mouse on the floor when i turned on the lights this morning and it made me think of something that happened a few years ago. I couldn't stop thinking of it. I kept laughing all the way through chores today. I just have to tell this one and get it out of my system.

A couple of years ago we rented a farm in Schuyler County New York. We lived there 2 years.

There is nothing to do in Schuyler County except milk cows and drink beer.

Tim's sister came to live with us for one of the years.

I milked cows.

She drank beer.

One night I had the milking off. Amy and I were doing what we usually did on my night off. Drinking beer.

The phone rang, it was Tim.

"Can you run over to John's and get some penicillan?, I need it tonight, got a real sick cow"

"yeah i guess, was my reply I will have Jill watch the kids and Amy and I will run over to John's farm and get a bottle".

Amy's daughter Jill also lived with us. We grabbed our coats and bolted for the door.

"Gotta go Jill, be back in a few minutes!!".

We gave her no time to answer. We just drove out of the driveway as fast as we could.

We drove the back way all the way to John's. It was only about a 10 minute drive.

"You gotta stop and get some more beer" Amy said to me.

"I can't, I don't want to get pulled over".

"Crap" was her reply.

When we got to the farm, we went in the office where the medicine is kept. I grabbed a bottle of the penicillan, left some money in a jar with a note.

"Come on let's go" I said.

"Hang on!!" was her reply, I have an idea!!!"
"What is this note all about?"

"It's a note from John to his hired Mexicans, Why?"

"Annie, it says "In case of an emergency, call me and the phone number was on the note. It was a big piece of paper stuck on a door with some duct tape. It also said "ONLY CALL IF IT IS AN EMERGENCY!!!"

"Who's phone number is that anyway?"

"John's, why?" I replied trying to get the hell out of there.

"Hold on Annie, let me think about this, if we have an emergency, we can call John, right?"

"Yeah, Amy sure. It has to be a real emergency, Amy, his wife is weird. She's really jealous, hates when he has to come to the barn on his day off".

I was still trying to get the hell out of there.

"Hang on Annie, not so fast: we do have a REAL emergency!"

WE ARE OUT OF BEER!!!!
she screamed it in my ear.
She picked up the phone and dialed the number, I was still trying to get out of there.

"Hey is this John?"

"yes who is this?"

"I'm Amy"

"Amy who?"

"Annie's friend"

"Anne doesn't have any friends"

"Yes she does and I am her only friend"

"What do you need? and why are you calling me, it better be important, I have company".

"You have an emergency over at your barn Sir!"

"What kind of an emergency?"

Amy sat silent for a moment, thinking.

"Well.......there is a rat in your milking parlor and the Mexicans are afraid of it, hurry quickly and bring some cheese with you!!!"

It was all I could do to not pee my pants. I sat down.

"Now come on lady, is there really a rat in the parlor?"

"Hey man, I don't even know you, but all I can see is that no cows are getting milked and the Jose has climbed up the pipeline in total fear, It's a HUGE rat.!!!"

"There better be a rat, I am coming over".

I sat there still trying not to pee my pants.

John walked in the milking parlor, Amy followed him in trying not to stagger , he was dressed in tan pants rolled up with his rubber boots on . Not his usual blue jeans.

He walked out of the parlor and he looked real mad. "Jose is milking and I don't see a rat anywhere!"

"Oh, I took care of it John, she said, poked it in the head with a pitchfork, I took care of that situation." "But now we have another emergency, we are out of beer sir and wanted to know if you could drive to Watkins Glen and get us some."

You could see his face getting redder and redder.

I was still trying not to pee my pants.

"you mean you called me up and lied about a rat to get me to buy beer for you?"

"Are you calling me a liar, Sir?" "See if I ever help you out again".

"He started to laugh. "I hate my wife's family anyway, I can go get some beer for you idiots if you promise to stay out of trouble for the rest of the night".

"Sure thing Sir!"

He came back with the beer, drank 3 of them with us and we happily drove off.

Every time I see a mouse I think of her and that emergency.

Talk later,

Annie