letter to Oprah

Dear Oprah:

Hi, how are you. I am good.

My name is Anne and I have a dairy farm in Ashville, New York. I never get to see anyone so I have this great idea.

Word on the street says you are giving up your show this year. Why don't you let me take it over and we can call it the "Annie Hour". Don't worry, we can get the people here for the interviews. We have a small airport here in Mayville, only 1 person died this year so it's pretty safe.

Oh yeah, how is Stedman, he's a real catch girlie.

Oh, back to the reason I am writing you this letter. They people could stay here in the upstairs of our farmhouse and in between milking the cows we could do the interviews. I really like to talk to people anyway. I can talk to anyone. Ask any of my friends, they will tell you. I am pretty crafty so I could do a little segment on crafting and then whip into the kitchen to do a quick cooking segment. I heard Rachel Ray is sick anyway, I could take over her show too, you know kill two birds with one stone.

I see David Letterman is having problems with his life too, so we could probably take the overflow from his show. I am sure he is busy in divorce court these days.

The kids could entertain the guests while I am doing my chores outside. Izzy knows how to make instant coffee so it would be easy for them. I am sure with a bit of training the other three could whip up some toast and eggs.

Hey, buy the way, I liked your movie the Color Purple, you were awesome in that, but what the hell were you thinking when you made that other one? The ghost movie? I can't even think of the name of it. It was really weird. No wonder it flopped. That's OK every one makes mistakes, even rich people.

Oh yeah, how is Doctor Phil? I guess those beef farmers are over all that lawsuit stuff by now huh? Wow, better watch what you say.

Well listen Oprah I gotta go milk the cows now. I want you to put some careful consideration into letting me do your show. It would be real "down home", sort of like the old Hee Haw. We could have guest sitting around on bales of hay chatting away, can't you just picture Julia Roberts and Cindy Crawford sitting around on bales of hay talking about their latest movies and telling me their beauty secrets. I just know I could get Rosanne to come, she looks like alot of fun. We could make her a regular.

Ok, I will stop talking now, gotta go. Let me know what you think. I have alot of totes of crap to move if we are going to make the upstairs into the Annies Bed and Breakfast.

Talk later,

Annie