The night before Christmas

When my older kids were little we lived in a trailer park. It had one of those sheds with it that you could store your crap in. I never had a lock on it, never had anything I would worry about someone stealing.

One year I put the kids gifts in that shed and bought a lock for the door. I was so proud of myself. They would never find them in there.

I never wrap the gifts until Christmas Eve, being the world's worst procrastinator. I use newspaper, wallpaper, duct tape, dental floss, anything that will wrap a gift and hold the paper on.

That night I had everything in that shed.

I waited til the kids went to bed and snuck outside quietly with my little key.

It was cold. I mean really cold.

The key wouldn't go in the lock. Must have been frozen. I bent down and breathed on the lock.

I probably had one to many Rum and Cokes because I sort of slipped and my tongue hit the lock.

And it froze to the lock.

There I was, half dressed, freezing to death, with my tongue frozen to the lock. I couldn't believe it. My whole life my Mom always said "Don't ever lick anything metal outside in the winter, it will freeze your tongue!!"

All I could picture in my head was freezing to death and the kids finding me the next day. I am not sure they would be upset because I was frozen to death, but upset because there wouldn't be any presents under the tree.

After what seemed like an eternity, the neighbor pulled in,coming home from a Christmas party. It looked like I was kissing the shed. He came over to see if I was drunk.

"What in the hell are you doing?" "It's Christmas Eve for God's sake Anne" he said.

I just mumbled "get my tongue off this lock or I will kill you when I thaw out."

"Oh my God, Anne, did you know your tongue is frozen to the lock?"

He obviously had been drinking and thought this was very funny.

He ran in his house and got some warm water, poured it on my tongue and I was a free woman.

"Thanks" I muttered under my breath.

The next year I went back to hiding the gifts in the closet and they found most of them before Christmas.

I didn't care.

Talk later,

Anne