Those were the days my friend

Yesterday Karen came over and she was running her schedule by me for her weekend.  Made me tired just listening to it.

"I'm going to Langford , Ma"

"Great", I replied.

"Oh, do you know what that is Ma?", "It's a tractor pull".

"Yes, dear I know what it is".

She doesn't realize it but once upon a time before she was even born I used to attend such events.  Sitting on a case of beer for a chair and screaming at the top of my lungs like an idiot for hours.  I could be found at all the local tractor pulls.


These days I just let her attend these social events and get the news second hand.

I have traded my "case of beer chair" for a lawn chair and most of my screaming is done yelling at the kids.

I am good with it.

I am handing over my "beer chair to her"

Have fun kiddo, see you on Monday.

Talk later,

Annie

what i am dong today

CANNING RECIPE: Shirley's Zucchini Relish
Sent in by Shirley S., thanks, it was good!

12-cups zucchini, chopped 4-large onions, chopped 2-red peppers, chopped 2-green peppers, chopped 1/3-cup pickling salt 3-cups white vinegar 4-cups white sugar 3-tbsp cornstarch 2-tsp celery seed 2-tsp mustard seed 2-tsp turmeric

Combine veggies with pickling salt and leave overnight
Drain & rinse
Combine remaining ingredients with veggies and boil 20 minutes
Fill sterilized jars
Process in boiling water canner for 15 minutes

MORE CANNING RECIPES

 

That darn TV

OK 12 years ago we threw out the TV.  We have had little TV's over the years hooked to VCR's for the kids.

We swore we wouldn't let the kids watch too much crappy TV.  (Although I spent half my childhood watching crappy TV, it's made me who I am today).


It wasn't hard because I have been in the barn so much.

Until now.

We have this thing called "cable" now.  I don't watch much of it but I will admit there are a few shows I can't get enough of.

This morning Roseanne was on. I loved her in the eighties, I love her now.

This morning Tim caught me staring at the screen like an Amish kid.

"Anne, we gotta go".

"Hang on, this part is funny".


"Anne we gotta go NOW!"

The other night I am watching "Operation Repo" which is about the weirdest show on TV.

Of course I am totally addicted to it.

Totally.

I told my mom about it a few weeks ago and she acted like she couldn't have cared less.

I was at my Mom's the other day and my Dad approaches me laughing,  "You got Mom watching that Operation Repo".

"No way".

Dad just laughed and walked away rolling his eyes.


I really don't like TV, but sometimes you just get lured in.  You try not to look at the screen, you try to wash the dishes without looking over your shoulder to see if Sonya is really wearing her hair in braids.

It's hard.

Real hard.

Gotta go find the TV section of the paper, don't want to miss any of the action.

Did I hear someone say "Gilligan's Island?"


Talk later,

Annie

My camera is dead

OK, so I take a million pictures every day.  On Saturday I had a birthday party for my  daughter Loretta.  I go to take pictures and my camera is dead.  I go to use the other camera that I bought and it is also dead.

I go to dial the phone and it did not recharge and will not recharge.  

It is dead.

My mom always said "people die in threes"

does that hold true for electronics?

I am afraid to use my computer.

Talk later,

Annie

i just can't be wordless

OK, so I get a comment yesterday about Ron White from an anonymous reader.

"Ron White does not smoke cigarettes"  was the comment.

"Like hell he doesn't", was my thought.

Because I always have to have the last word, I set out to prove it.

I found an article about him.


OK, he used to smoke cigarettes, now it's cigars.  


Whew!!!!


OK, I will get the cigars for him and keep the cigs for Annie.


Talk later,


Annie

Ron White used to smoke cigarettes

Rarely seen without a drink in one hand and a smoke in the other, comedian Ron White has had a career that has taken him from the cassette racks of truck stops to the world of stadiums and feature films -- but all the while they've called him "Tater Salad." The myth around the Fritch, TX, native's famous nickname has to do with a flippant remark made to an arresting police officer. He told the officer that he had once before broken the law under the sinister alias of "Tater Salad," the officer believed him, and it was forever on his arrest record. He later admitted that it was just something he picked up in the Navy, but he allows the myth to flourish since being a smart-ass has been central to his act since the mid-'90s, when he released a string of albums on Laughing Hyena, a label that catered to truck stops with their "Trucker Humor!"-labeled releases.

In 2000 he joined his longtime friends and fellow comedians Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, and Larry the Cable Guy on tour. The tour would become known as the Blue Collar Comedy tour and would play to sold-out audiences in over 90 cities by 2003. It was in 2003 that Drunk in Public, White's first CD outside the world of truck stops, was released on the Hip-O label. Two feature films and two albums for the Blue Collar troupe would also appear, but White would be the only member of the group to not participate in the Blue Collar TV series. Instead, he kept a busy schedule as a solo act, switched his on-stage smoke from cigarettes to cigars, starred in the short-lived variety television series The Ron White Show in 2005, and released the CD You Can't Fix Stupid on the Image label in 2006. The album wound up being nominated for a Grammy (Best Comedy Album), alongside Blue Collar's One for the Road. In 2009 he moved to the Capitol label and released Behavioral Problems. ~ David Jeffries, Rovi

wordless wednesday christmas in july

The Outlaw Jose Wales

Laura Lee: Kansas was all golden and smelled like sunshine.
Josey Wales: Yeah, well, I always heard there were three kinds of suns in Kansas, sunshine, sunflowers, and sons-of-bitches.

Phone call to Ron White

"Hi, is Ron there?"

"Hang on , I will get him".

"Hello, this is Ron".


"Hey Ron, it's Annie, how the hell are you?"


"Oh my God Annie, how the heck have you been?, I heard  you sold the cows."  "By the way I heard about your Weedcation idea , wow that's genius."


"Well Ron, that's why I'm calling, I need some entertainment, you know funny stuff."


"How does the last week in August sound Annie?"  It will be slow for me then.


"Great Ron, thanks a million".

I hung up the phone and immediately called Willie Nelson and re-booked him for the following week.  I don't need the two of them fighting over who gets to sit next to me at the campfire.

It's hell being so popular.


Talk later,
Annie

Ron White around the bon fire

OK, so we need some entertainment at Weedcation.  

Yeah, sure we could sing Kumbaya around the campfire, but who the hell would want to do that?

We need someone to draw in the campers.

I thought about this all day while weeding the garden.

Then it came to me like a vision "RON WHITE!!"
Why didn't I think of this earlier?

I called him this afternoon and he said he could pencil me in sometime around late August.  We have plenty of Cigarettes and I am sure it wouldn't be a problem to find the liquor store in town, I will just ask my under age children.

This is the big one.  This is the idea that will put me over the edge.



Gotta go, comedy central is on.

Talk later,

Annie

Cruise night at the Veggie Stand

Has anyone noticed that this cruise night thing is a huge hit this year?  Every where you look, there is a "cruise night" somewhere.

Tim had this idea on his way to work this morning.

"Annie, why don't you have a cruise night at your stand?"

"What cars would we use?"


"All the vehicles out behind the barn".

What a genius the man is.

I could pull out Dad's old truck, station wagon and all the other various vehicles that have come to die out in the back of the barn.



Genius!!

I could have the girls dress in 50's outfits and sell the veggies on rollerskates.

Tim could dress like Fonzie and I could sew an "L" on my t-shirt and chew gum like Laverne.


Oh yeah, how about a vintage Dodge minivan?

Hmmmmmm.

I will have the sign up sheets available soon.

Stay tuned.

Talk later,

Annie

and of course she has videos!!

Mary Jane Butters (My Mentor)

I got the nicest email yesterday from a friend about my Weedcation.  He has actually been to Journey's End Farm and can't say enough good about it.  Here is the link again in case you didn't read that post. Journey's End.

I have to come clean and tell you that most of my Weedcation ideas are stolen from other people.  

I admit it, I am not the original on this one. 


Crap, busted.


OK, I have to show you Mary Jane Butters.  This woman is amazing. She runs an organic vegetable farm and sells organic cooking mixes. Mary Jane has also put together an overnight experience.  The picture I found of the pink claw foot tub I stole from her. She is extremely photogenic.  She wears these awesome long dresses with cowboy boots.  She knows how to strike the pose.  She has a few years on me but you would certainly not know it.  She has the most awesome books out, a magazine, a line of fabrics and a line of things for your country home.


Genius!!


I guess you could say she is organically stunning. She has a program called the Pay Dirt Farm School Click on the link to see what it is all about.  Looks like fun.

pay dirt school 

She has a bed and breakfast.  click on this link and then go the the slide show.  Just awesome!!! bed and breakfast.

If these people can all do this why the heck can't I?



stay tuned.


Talk later,


Annie

those darn recipes

Almost every time I go to a party, I come home with a recipe of some sort.  Last week it was brownies with coconut frosting that my sister made for her daughter's grad party. (totally box mix and canned frosting).

I have been collecting these recipes for years at parties.  I have tracked people down at Church functions, Fairs, weddings, funerals, and grad parties.  I seldomly come home without a napkin or envelope with a recipe scrawled on it.

I remember once we were at one of those boring cow meetings.  I don't remember which boring cow meeting it was, but I think it had something to do with the milk co-op we were in.

Someone had made this awesome dessert out of pretzels and jello.  Sounds weird, but it is excellent.  I was not going to leave without the recipe.  I tried to find the woman who made "the pretzel thingy".


I could not find her.


Now I was on a mission.


Thank God they had an open bar.  After a few drinks and a very boring speech from a very boring co-op president, they asked if there were any questions.  


Silence.


Obviously no one had any questions.  Most of the farmers were either sleeping in their chairs or looking at their watches thinking how late it was getting and they had to get up early.


Silence.


What the hell, I stood up and walked up to the front of the room.  I grabbed the microphone.


"Does anyone know who made the awesome pretzel dessert?"


Laughter.


The co-op president shot me a look that would have killed most people.  I stood my ground.


The husband of the "pretzel lady"  shouted out "My wife did".


I shouted back "Can I see you before you leave?"


"Sure".


I gave the microphone back to the co-op dude who was a bit miffed.  I teetered back to my seat after one last stop at the open bar.


There were no more questions about his slide show.


I left with the recipe.


He left with his slides.

The following is the recipe:

PRETZEL JELLO DESSERT

1 stick melted butter 1 1/2 c. crushed pretzels 1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese 1 lg. container Cool Whip 1 c. sugar 1 (6 oz.) pkg. strawberry Jello 1 lg. pkg. frozen strawberries Mix melted butter, pretzels, and 1/2 cup sugar together and press into 9 x 13 inch pan. Bake 6 minutes at 350 degrees. Dissolve Jello in 2 cups boiling water and add frozen strawberries. Let gel. Combine cream cheese, Cool Whip, and 1/2 cup sugar; put on top of crumbs. When Jello is starting to set, pour over cheese layer and refrigerate until firm.

Talk later,


Annie

haycation video

how to make a still (see, i am not lying)

the zucchini relish video

Annie on You Tube

I have discovered this You Tube thing.  

I love watching videos that people have made at home.  Some are just a trip.

You can find everything on there.

They have anything from cooking, to making a moonshine still,  to making a bomb in your garage.  

Now, when I want learn how to do something, I go to You Tube and watch a video on it.

I even found a couple who have made a video on how to can zucchini relish.

They must have a lot of free time. They have like a million videos.  Some are really neat.  Some are a bit strange.

I watched this one 3 times before I could get all the spices written down.

I have to go now and grate some zucchini.

I want to make some of my own videos.  Can you say the word "crap" on You tube?


Talk later,

Annie

how to attract people to your veggie stand (Annie's way)

OK, so I am not exactly getting the customers at my veggie stand that I would like.

I thought about my situation.

Then, it came to me.


I am going to make a sign and put it on the corner where our road hits the main road.  It will read "Stripper Bar". I will draw a big arrow pointing to our house.


When the customers get here, there will be another sign that says "opening tomorrow."


I will have the veggie stand stocked with fresh zucchini and tomatoes.  The guys will have plenty of cash and instead of stuffing it in some girls pantys, they can stuff it in my coffee can while they buy vegetables.


I am so damn smart.

Talk later,

Annie

wordless wednesday

The bathtub

Karen and I went to a huge barn sale a couple of weeks ago. It was the biggest sale I have ever seen.  On the front lawn was this big old bathtub.  One of those old clawfoot babies.  So cool.

I made Karen take a picture of it I liked it so much.  The guy said I could  have it for 60 bucks.  

"Mom, what in the hell are you gonna do with something like that?"

"Oh, Karen I saw this picture in a book.  This woman took one of those tubs and painted it pink, put it outside and I guess she takes a bath in it".

"Oh, Mom, keep walking".

I stared at that tub for 10 minutes, bought some other crap I didn't need and went home.

I found the picture I was talking about.  I still think it looks neat.

Here are the reasons I will probably never have a bathtub on my lawn.

1.  Tim told me it would take 4 guys to move the tub.


2.  I would need a pickup truck to move it.

3.  I live in Alden now, and taking a bath here on the lawn would probably land me a night in Jail.




4.  Some people are no fun.

Talk later,

Annie

silent sunday(because i drank too much last night)

Who the Hell was Jeremiah?

OK, so I am taking Tim to work this morning and on the radio comes on "Jeremiah was a Bullfrog". I think the actual name of the song is "Joy to the World", but who the hell cares.

Driving home I thought to myself "Wow, those 70's were really some good times."  I mean who in the hell was Jeremiah and when is the last time you saw a frog drinking wine unless you were totally drunk out of your mind.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

I can remember singing that song while swinging on the swing set with my girlfriends on the playground at school.

That was a few years ago I guess.

I pulled up the Video on Three Dog Night singing that old frog song and my kids just looked at me like I was nuts.  


Better go take my pills now.


Talk later,


Annie

new dress a day

OK, so as usual I am wasting time on the computer the other day and I come across this site where this girl finds an old crappy dress for a buck and re-does it EVERY day for a year.

I am so impressed I had to share it with everyone.

I have been doing this for years.  

This girls does it and makes the stuff look like something you would actually wear out of the house.

That is the difference between me and her.

Oh yeah, and she is the size of a number two pencil.

Check her out!!

click  HERE.

Talk later,

Annie

Annie the Zucchini Queen

Tim has planted the world's biggest garden and I am in charge of weeding and picking all the veggies.

It's a lot of work.


I get up in the morning and weed, weed, weed.  It's very peaceful because no one will go in the garden for fear they will have to help.

Tim planted a few squash and zucchini plants. I am working slowly on a little veggie stand.

very slowly: table is on lawn.


I am now the official Zucchini Queen.  I have crapper loads of these little babies.  I looked up recipes on the internet and made my own little personal recipe book.

Yesterday this is what I accomplished:


8 jars of squash relish

8 jars of bread and butter pickles


2 loaves of zucchini bread

8 bags of frozen green beans

This literally took all day.

Yes, I repeat: all day.


I can easily see why housewives slowly stopped canning and freezing. They all went to work and tossed their canners in the attic. They bought push up bras, makeup, got their own cars, and bought the crap in cans. Click here for some funny zucchini stuff. Click here for a site on the crazy vegetable. Click here for recipes.




I have to go now and check the zucchini.

Talk later,

Annie

Wordless Wednesday

My name is Annie and I am a reformed Cricker

OK, I admit it, I love playing in the creek.  When I was a kid any chance I got to play in the creek, I took it.

Since I have moved back home, I have been to the creek more in the past month than I have in the past 12 years total.  

On Thursdays my sister in law holds a weekly "mom in the creek party", which turns in to a "drunk mom in the creek party".  

I am there with bells on.

We had a little get together with some old classmates over the weekend, I had a blast seeing everyone, but couldn't wait to get the the creek and see if it had changed.

It's still the same.

Yesterday Tim's brother took us a a great spot in the middle of nowhere. Armed with canvas sneakers and bug spray we went.

It was awesome.

There are no bill collectors in the creek, no laundry to fold in the creek, no TV in the creek, no computers in the creek.  It's just you and good old Mother Nature.

Try it sometime.

Let me know how you like it.

Talk later,

Annie

sunday stills because I am too old to go to a party and type the next day

candy cigarettes

I had to run to the reservation to get Copenhagen for Tim yesterday.  When we go, the girls and I always get candy cigarettes.  I can't believe they aren't outlawed by now, I'm sure they will be soon so I just keep enjoying them until they do.

When I was a kid as we got old enough to ride our bikes on the road, we would ride down to the East Concord General Store.  We called it "Wilma's."  I guess because Wilma owned it.

We would take our money that we had saved and we would buy candy.  Once I bought a pack of candy cigarettes, they tasted like crap but I thought they were cool.  I  brought them home and my mom had a total fit.

"Don't you ever buy those again!, I can't  believe they make candy into the shape of cigarettes"

Crap

The darn things tasted like chalk, they weren't even fun to eat.


I never bought those cigarettes when my mom was around.  Every once in a while I would feel really rebellious and buy a pack of those little white outlawed candies, eat them, and ride around on my bike wondering if she would find out.

Every time the girls and I get a pack of those things I think of that.

In the 70's our idea of rebellion was very different than it is today.

After I get done typing this story, I have to throw out all our little candy boxes.

You never know when Mom will show up.

Talk later,

Annie

So "Freegan" Far ahead

OK, so Janet and I are talking about my clothes the other day and I called them "vintage".

"Anne, your clothes are "retro", not vintage."


"What?"

"Anne, you have to use the proper terms when you are talking about things".


"Oh".

There are things I have been doing, things I have been wearing, things I have been sewing my whole life and I have noticed that whatever I do or wear, it is never in vogue.

Until now.

Little did I know, I was just far ahead of everyone else.




Let me explain.


I have been cutting apart old crap to make new crap ever since I was a kid.  My mom certainly wasn't going to buy me new fabric to sew on so I would take apart stuff I would find in these bags of clothes that mom would bring home from work.  You know, those bags of stuff moms bring home from work full of clothes no one wants.

Curtains, sheets and skirts have tons of free fabric to play around with.  Everyone thought I was some sort of sewing freak.

Until now.

OK, the new term is "re-con" or reconstruction.  It's a big thing now to take apart old crap and make it into new crap.  I am so far ahead of them it's not funny.  I have made bikinis out of curtains, bookbags out of sheets, skirts out of sweaters and T-shirts for years.  The only difference now is they have figured out a way to actually make this stuff into things people would wear out in public.


"Retro" refers to all the clothes in my closet.


All of them.


"Vintage" refers to anything I like but can't afford.


And then there is "Freegan".


This is a new term I heard for the first time yesterday.  It is this  new movement of Anti-consumerism.  You are suppose to dig in the trash for your clothes, furniture, and even food.  You are supposed to get rid of your car.


Well, I guess they have finally found a label for me.


I never leave a junk pile unturned. You can ask any member of my family or friends.  They hate it.  To them it's embarrassing, to me it's like a treasure hunt. I haven't been to a mall in probably 20 years or more.


Why bother? Let someone else pay the big bucks for crap , wait a while and buy it at their yard sale or pick it out of their garbage the next year.  Or let your mom bring it home from work in one of those "mom" bags.


You are supposed to get rid of  your car.  This one I have a problem with.  If you live in the middle of nowhere like I have for the past 20 years, this is impossible, but I can tell you I have gone for long periods of time with "no car".


Last but not least you are supposed to eat out of the dumpster.  This one I have a problem with, but when I was a waitress, I used to bring home boatloads of food that they were going to toss into the dumpster.  I would freeze it for the week.  People thought I was nuts.


Until now.


You see, I am so far ahead of things it's not even funny.

Have a "Freegan" great day.


Talk later,


Annie

summer clothes

OK, so I call Janet up and ask her what she is wearing.  It's about a million degrees here in New York, all my fans are still packed away in my mother's basement and I am melting.

"Hey, Janet what are you wearing today?"

"Capris, Annie, I have to work today".

"Oh"

I have put a few pounds on since I have moved home.  Going from milking cows 7 days a week to being a house wife is going to take some major adjustment.

"Hey, do they still make those stretchy black shorts?"

"Yeah Anne, if you are a biker, are you a biker?"

silence

"No".

"Anne, those shorts are from the "Flash Dance Era, they aren't in style anymore."

"Yeah, but they will suck in my  stomach Janet"

"Anne, at this point in our lives there is nothing that will suck in our stomachs, just cut off some of your old jeans and go with the flow".

I went to the closet, picked out some jeans and went to search for the scissors.  How short do I cut these babies? At 45, is there a legal limit to the length of your shorts?  

I remember a day when I used to cut them at an angle, making sure they had a rip of some sort in the rear end, just big enough to show some lace on my panties.  I thought I was Daisy Duke.  That was 20 years ago.  

I cut them just above the knee, like someones Grandma would do.  I tried them on . Yep, I looked like someone's Grandma.  I took them off and cut a little bit more off the bottom.  I put them back on.  Now they looked more like something my Grandpa would wear.

I left them alone.


I guess I have entered the "Grandma shorts zone".

Crap.

Talk later,

Annie

Wordless Wednesday

Hangin' Laundry (or , this really sucks)

It's 76 degrees this morning and I just can't run the dryer.  The dryer police will surely show up here and arrest me for running a dryer on the hottest day of the summer.

So, I hung out a bunch of laundry.  I have so many people here, I have to do laundry every day, it's not an option.

I was whipping my clothes over the makeshift clothesline I made out of yellow rope I found in the barn and it made me think of my Grandma and how I learned how to hang laundry.  I had to stop and laugh for a second as I threw the jeans over the rope with no clothes pins.

We lived above my Grandparents which was a really cool thing.  My Mom gave up on ever trying to domesticate me, so one day she had my Grandma show me how to hang clothes the proper way.

Boy, was I doing it wrong.

She had this cool little fabric bag that hung on the line that you put your clothes pins in.  I thought that was so neat.

"OK, Annie show me how you hang laundry".

I grabbed some clothes, whipped them over the line and tryed not to let her see me looking at the neighbors house.  I could see they were getting a dodge ball game going.  For God's Sake how long is this going to take.

She looked at me as though I had just murdered someone.

"Annie, you have to use clothes pins.  They hold the clothes on the line dear".


I could tell this was really going to be fun.


"Now, you have to hang the jeans and pants from their legs like this".


She carefully pulled out the pants, shook them out and hung them up.  This was taking way too long for me.


Then she proceeded to show me how to hang the shirts, connecting them together to "save on clothespins."


This REALLY was taking way too long, I could hear the neighbors picking sides for the ball game.


Now Annie, I am going to tell you the most important thing about hanging out laundry.


I tried to look interested, man this was taking forever.


"You never hang the ladies panties with the men's boxer shorts".


I stood there in silence for a minute.


"Why not Grandma, who cares anyway?"


"Just listen to me, it's very important to separate those, very important."


I followed her directions to keep her and my mom happy.


Was this my first talk regarding "the birds and bees?"


I really don't know, but in those days they tried to teach us things very different than they do now.



I stopped wearing panties years ago.  I see no need for them whatsoever.

I had 7 kids so I guess the talk didn't sink in very well either.


What would Grandma say to that?  I am sure she is looking down on me from heaven shaking her head.


"Oh Annie,  I tried, I really did".

I have to go and hang the rest of the clothes on the line now.


Talk later,


Annie

Playin" in the Crick and Floating Barbies

It was Fourth of July yesterday and very hot here.  After much begging from the kids, I decided to take them to the creek down the road.  I have never taken them there , so it was a new adventure for all of us.

I was so happy when I go there, it was super clean, super accessible, and super shallow.  We even threw the dog in.

I sat down with my crocheting and wasted a good  hour.  

It made me think of when I was a kid, we used to have a creek in our back field once a year in the spring.  My mom showed us how to take our Barbie dolls and tie a piece of yarn on to them and float them down the creek.  

We loved it.  Simple shits we were.

About 10 years ago  my sister Kathy and I took our kids to Sprague Brook Park for a little picnic.  We unpacked our crap and both pulled out Barbies and yarn.  I couldn't stop laughing.  She had one up on me and actually had a plastic boat.  She has a son and she didn't want the poor kid to be seen with a Barbie for God's sake.

Last night we watched the fireworks,  we didn't have to drive anywhere.  Fireworks are against the law in New York State so everyone and their uncle has like a million dollars worth of them.

Where are the fireworks police anyway?

I started to tell the kids about my childhood memories of The Fourth of July and they ran off in the middle of the story so I will tell it here.

When I was a kid my uncle would take us to watch the fireworks, we would throw blankets in the back of his old pickup truck and maybe potato chips or whatever we had to munch on.  He would drink beer and we would watch the fireworks.  It was awesome.  We would freeze our butts off on the way home laughing and screaming out to people we would pass on the road.

I am quite sure New York State has a law against riding in the back of a pickup truck, another one against screaming at strangers, and we won't even go there with the beer thing.

Ahhh yes, the good old days.

Talk later,

Annie

Who the Hell is Norah Jones

OK, so one day I am wasting time on the computer watching the You Tube and pulling up every Willie Nelson Video on there.  I see this one that reads "Willie and Norah Jones".

So, I click on it.

I am thinking to myself "Who in the Hell is Norah Jones?", and "Why in the Hell is she singing with Willie Nelson?"

They must have sent my invitation to Sing with Willie to the wrong address.

That's o.k. because when i watched this video I just about fell off my chair.

This girl is the most beautiful chickie I have ever seen in my life and can sing like a Dove.

I will throw the clip of her and Willie on here to prove it to you.  

I will admit I am a tad jealous of this girl, but, WOW, HOLY CRAP, she really has some talent.

Here's to you Norah, whoever the hell you are.

Talk later,

Annie

A sexy Halloween

A friend of mine made a comment on my Facebook page about a Halloween costume I made a million years ago.  I have always loved to make costumes.  It has been a long time dream of mine to make costumes for a living.

I like it that much.

One of my favorite memories goes something like this.

I was living in an apartment with my boyfriend, soon to be husband sometime in the early 80's.  This was my first apartment so there was very little clutter and there were very little "costume" making supplies there.

It was Saturday , I was watching TV when I got a phone call from a friend of mine.

"Hey Anne, there is a Halloween party and I want us to go".

"Sure, what are we gonna be?" was my answer.  She knew I loved Halloween and certainly wouldn't pass up this chance.

"Oh Anne I don't know, just make something for both of us, I have to work today, I will pick you  up around 8."

"Oh yeah make the costumes sort of sexy, there might be some hot guys there".

click.

She hung up before i could say "You are out of your mind girl, I have NO costume making crap here!". 

I cracked open a beer and sat down to think.  What in the hell could I make out of nothing?  Let's see she wants it sexy, I don't have squat to work with.


OK, I accept the challenge.


I walked around the apartment, crap not much to work with, hmmmmm, think, Annie, think.


Then it came to me.


Lady Romans!  Sexy Lady Romans.


Piece of Cake.


OK, I ripped the white sheet off the bed , cut it down the middle to make two costumes, folded them in half, cut out the neck opening, cut up the edges for the bottom of the dress and proceeded to get out my the sewing machine my Mom gave me.  It was hers, handed down to me.  It was my pride and joy.


Cracking open another beer, I  hung the costume on the wall to see what it looked like,  it was too boxy,  way too long,and not sexy at all.   I cut the opening in the front into a deep v neck so it showed major cleavage (remember this is when I had cleavage), and cut a belt out of a piece of leftover sheet, hacked of about 6 inches off the bottom and recut the fringe.  Perfect.


OK what about shoes and the head?


Looking around the room I didn't see much.  Ah Hah.  The crown to my wedding veil was on the end table, perfect.  I ran outside, grabbed a bunch of leaves and got my hot glue gun, I could make another crown this was way more important than a wedding.  Anyway, if there were hot guys there, maybe I wouldn't need the wedding crown anyway.


I took the crown apart, made it into two Roman looking headthings and glued leaves on it.


OK, what about shoes? Has to be sexy? I went to the closet, nothing but flipflops and workshoes. I thought for a minute, then it came to me.  I took the rest of the leftover fabric from the bedsheet (would my boyfriend notice the missing bedsheet?) and I tore strips to ties around our legs like those Roman sandals.  We would wear flip flops for the actual shoes.


She arrived after work, I was already drunk from "drinking and sewing", we painted on "sexy" makeup and went to the party. Her dress was a bit too short , everytime she bent over, her Roman underwear kept showing.


We jumped into her orange, hot guy magnet car and dashed off to the party.


There were no hot guys there, we froze to death and my boobs kept falling out of my sheet.


We had fun anyway.


Ahhh, the good old days.


Talk later,


Annie

It just wouldn't be fair

OK, yesterday I am talking to a good friend of mine.  He asks me if I am going to "The Buffalo Hill Jam".

It's the biggest Fourth of July  celebration to hit our area in a million years.

My answer was simply "No".

"Oh Annie it's so much fun, hundreds of people go there, they have popular country singers, lots of beer, and the best fireworks show you have ever seen!"

"No".

"Why not?"

I couldn't bear to tell the truth. I still get up at 5:00 in the morning even though the cows are gone.  I go to bed at 9:00, sometimes even earlier.

Fourth of July celebrations are celebrated at night, you know when the sky in dark so you can see the fireworks.

"Oh Anne, you gotta go", you used to be so much fun, what has happened to you.

I thought for a minute.


"It wouldn't be fair", was my quick answer.


"What?"


"Oh you know, if I go, all the hot guys will be hanging all over me and that wouldn't be fair to Karen and her friends."


Silence.


"Oh, I see Anne, you  mean you can't stay up after 9 huh?'


"Yeah, whatever."


Talk later,

Annie

Thigh highs?

Ok, so I haven't worn anything on my feet except for men's white socks for 12 years.  I had to dress in normal clothes for Karen's graduation and being raised in the 80's, I had to wear these things the cave women call "pantyhose".

In the day, we used to wear "knee highs".  These were pretty easy to figure out. Obviously they were worn at your "knees".

Simple.

I have been watching women at public events and on the internet since I have been home, and have noticed that NO ONE wears pantyhose anymore.

OK, for those of you too young to know what in the hell I am talking about,the definition of pantyhose is: " something worn over your legs to hide scars, flab, and give legs color", woman's legs are not supposed to look like Klinger's legs from M.A.S.H.

So I get a call from a friend and we are talking about pantyhose.  

"Oh Anne, no one wears pantyhose anymore and if they do, they wear "thigh highs", the full piecers are way too hot."

Silence on my end.

"Oh".

I wandered into Walmart and grabbed a pair of these "thigh highs", tossed them in my cart among the tuna fish and wheat bread.I got home, threw them into my dresser drawer, and continued on with my boring  housewife life.  I was picturing looking like one of those sexy pin up girls from the 40's.

Oh yeah, whatever.

Fast forward to Graduation Day.

The following is my experience with "thigh highs", continue reading at your own risk.

You put these things on and they have a band  on the top to hold them onto your leg.  Unless you have "thighs of steel", this band cuts into your leg and you immediately look like a sausage in a casing.  I pulled this rubber band type thing down farther on my leg and the pantyhose now looks like an elephants leg.

I put my black dress pants on and said a silent prayer "Please God let there be a seat in the back of the church".

He heard my prayer.

Talk later,

Annie